Of Course You Know This Means Doom!
by Invader Johnny
Summary: Formerly *When A Human Loves An Irken* Zim lost everything after the Tallest told him the truth about his mission but years later he'll gain more than he ever expect... ZAGR story... chapter 14 up.
1. Deconstructing Invader Zim

**_Title: Of Course You Know This Means Doom!_**

**_Writer: Invader Johnny_**

**_Disclaimer: Invader Zim and JTHM belong to Jhonen Vasquez; I do however own Reb and Jack. And I also own the titles "Killing can be Good" and "Adopted"._**

**_Jhonen Vasquez and Roman Dirge also own themselves._**

**_Plot: After the Tallest told Zim the truth about his mission he felt the worse thing ever, betrayal, he tends to do the unthinkable but fortunately or unfortunately for the little Irken not everything goes according to plan… ZAGR._**

**_Author Notes: Hello again my fellow writers/readers, this WILL be the NEW version of my highly successful fic "When A Human Loves An Irken" but of course with a new name! WHOO! (And can you people tell I am ROYALY pissed that my original one got erased?)._**

**_Now unlike my original story, this fic will focus a few chapters on the pain that Zim will endure when and after the Tallest tell him the truth but obviously I will keep some original ideas in the plot because I liked them AND of course Zim and Gaz will develop a friendship._**

**_Second: The fic takes place 10 years in the future but right now here are the ages of the character's in Gaz's flashback Gaz is 14, Dib is 15, Gir is 4 and Skoodge and Zim's ages are 16 in Irken years and (probably) 162 in Earth years so obviously they are in High Skool._**

**_Third: If you people want, I will allow fan art of my original characters as long as you tell me about it._**

**_And finally this goes to all the people who keep sending me e-mails about "Gazzy?" STOP SENDING THEM! OK? I am NOT gonna re-do it I lost interest in that story a long time ago._**

* * *

**_Chapter One:_**

_It was a Friday night a lot of people were out having fun, going to the movies with friends, having dinner with family members while others went to bars just to get drunk and this is were our story begins. _

**_Vedtre´s Bar:_**

_Gaz's POV:_

_People were dancing, talking and even getting drunk, others were laughing and finally some were just sitting by him or herself, one of those people was a woman by the name of Gaz Membrane._

_The bar was filled with stale cigarette smoke and the smell of cheap beer. Country music played loudly. Gaz signed and took another drag on her cigarette, normally she would have left the place since it was filled with people she considered scum, she looks at a clock in the wall and sees that it was already 11: 30._

"It's not that late yet, and I have no wish to sleep" Gaz said to herself.

_The scary human had plenty of elbow room, no people were sitting at her sides, as always, but of course Gaz didn't care because she was used to being alone, but life can have a lot of surprises in stored for everyone and she was going to get a big one tonight._

_A bartender came over to her and gave her a drink, she looked up at the man "The young man over there is buying you this" he stated as he pointed at the man who was looking at Gaz, lifting his drink in recognition._

"Jack, do me a favor and tell him that if he wants to keep his face then not to flirt with someone who has a working brain" she said coldly.

The bartender smirked "I assume you want the beer?"

"Don't ask stupid questions"

Jack left the beer in front of her and he left without another word, Gaz grabbed it and began to drink it, "Jack Daniels not a bad choice" I thought.

Just as the alcohol slipped easily down my throat, the guy that paid for her drink walked to her and sat next to her "What's your name, sweethearts?".

"Fuck off, loser" Gaz's tone was as dark and menacing "Unless you want your head to be up your ass"

"Ohhh you're a fighter aren't you"

Just as he said this, Gaz grabbed him by the collar of his coat and told him murderously "Believe me buster _I_ could have you arrested right now because I'm a cop and unless you want to spend the night in jail you WILL leave me alone._ got it?"_

Well that was good enough of a treath, "In that case bye" the man responded fearfully and Gaz went back to her drink.

"That little lie always gets those perverts away" She thought in dark amusement.

The purple headed human went back to look at the clock while she began to think which is something she hated because usually once she did so memories began to replay in her head, she always started reminiscing of her past in her mind, and the only way to stop this was to drink more. Sometimes, Gaz had to drink until she passed out in order to stop those memories from coming full force.

"What am I? Twenty four, right? And I still can't forget the things that happened over ten years ago.

The day I found out the truth about Zim, the day I _saved_ his life, yeah big surprised there, _me_, saving a life? unthinkable! so not in my character but meh, I was feeling **_pity_** that day, but despite my good deed if you can even call it that _he _wanted to die for the wrong reason I might add, and of course I remember the day he left me, taking with him his insane robot and his purple moosey thingy.

**_

* * *

_****__****__****__**

High Skool (10 years ago):

When I was in High Skool my brother always talked about Zim plotting something evil... but of course I didn't care because Zim was too bad coming up with a decent plan to destroy mankind.

"He's planning something, Gaz. I know it."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance and told him one of my usual remarks that _clearly_ said that I didn't give a rat's furry ass "And it's my problem because?"

_Dib gawked at me._

"Because he's an evil insane alien trying to destroy our planet and last time I checked you live on Earth too!" He answered "And I doubt you would want the world to be destroyed!"

"Where have YOU been for the past fourteen years of my life" I asked him emotionlessly.

"You just don't understand!" Dib cried out, gritting his teeth "The world is going to be destroyed Gaz!" He continued "Destroyed! And unless we do something now…"

"_**WE?**_ Yeah right!" Gaz's voice cut him off, her tone icily. "Dib look at your enemy!"

And so he did as I instructed, Zim was just sitting in his usual table quietly... which was not a normal thing, usually he would buy lunch so he could appear normal then he would make an ass out of himself, which in some weird way made me laugh on the inside,

"It's been three years DIB! **THREE YEARS**!" I ranted, "He hasn't been able to take over the world then and is NOT going to be able now, so just get it through that thick head of yours that Zim is an incompetent fool who sucks at his job!"

The entire cafeteria was staring at us and I could have swore that Zim was hurt by what I just said, but then again why shouldn't he be, he knew I was telling the truth but then I remembered that this was **_Z__IM_** I was talking about here, he didn't care what a human thought of him before, so why start now?, gotta say curiousity got the best of me that morning.

"B-but..." He began, but was cut off by Gaz, whose voice was ice cold, not once rising in her anger.

"And while we're in the subject why don't you just realize that I DON'T CARE!" Yes I know he's an alien, I seen him without his _"ingenious disguise,"_ I mocked "I seen that insane robot of his too many times as well and by the looks of how _WELL_ they've been blending in you can notice that the human race is a bunch of morons who **DO** deserve to be either enslaved or destroyed!

"Gaz! How can you say that!" he asked in disbelief.

""What has the world ever done for us huh? Dib?" I asked him knowing very well that he was not going to be able to answer that particular question so he just let the subject drop.

_"Thank god"_

As soon as the cafeteria stop staring at us, Dib's usual annoying hero bullshit took over him and immediately went to interrogate Zim in order to get information on his next evil plan, but he acted as if my brother wasn't even there.

When the bell rang every one went to their respected classrooms, I didn't want to go back to class so I ditched Skool and I wasn't the only one, because once outside I saw Zim, and what surprised me was that he was out of disguise and he acted as if he didn't cared that people saw him without his wig and contacts, he got his spider legs out of that PAK of his I figured that he would go to his base, I was about to leave in the opposite direction when a statement caught me off guard.

"Even she knows better than to deal with me".

Gaz raises an eyebrow at this.

"Wonder what he meant by THAT!"

_As I said before curiosity took the best of me that morning because the next thing I knew I was following the green moron, and in a matter of minutes I reached Zim's neighborhood and as luck would have it, it began to rain._

As I passed the left side of the house, I saw Zim standing between his "house" and the fence, just standing there, like he was waiting for something. I stopped walking, and wondered if Zim finally lost whatever sanity he had left, I was even amazed that he wasn't screaming in pain since water burns his skin.

Without a moment's hesitation, Gaz began walking towards Zim, his boots rustling as they brushed aside the wet grass. Zim still hadn't moved. He was... standing, facing the fence, his thin arms crossed in front of his chest, his red eyes looking down at his feet. 'Zim's STILL out of disguise?' Gaz thought.

She walked over to him and snapped her fingers in front of his red eyes, he didn't budge, apparently too deep in thought to even notice.

I shrugged and directed myself to the window so I could see what was happening inside the house. I saw the Robo-Parents in the corner _making out_... gross I didn't even want to know why they were doing that being robots and all but before I could give it any further thought I saw MiniMoose coming out of the kitchen he floating aimlesly and squeaked with a sad look on his face and he looked like he was going to cry. I also saw another Irken sitting on the floor, working on something, I couldn't see exactly what but I knew that from the look of it that he was_ fixing_ something, he had red eyes and he wore the same uniform as my brother's rival but the only difference was that he was fatter and he was just an inch taller than Zim.

I assumed he was either a friend of the Irken Invader or a slave since I'm almost certain that Irkens are very capable of enslaving their own people.

"Gaz-human, what are you doing here?" Zim asked.

I yelped in surprised and stopped as soon as I recognized the voice that startled me, it was none other than Zim's but it just sounded different like it wasn't the usual alien bend on destroying humanity, it sounded as if he was depressed, like all the life was sucked out of him, I dunno maybe it was.

He chuckled to himself but then stopped and looked at me seriously. "You didn't answer my question" He asked uncrossing his arms.

"Well if you must know I wanted to be sure that your brain isn't more damaged than usual, in case you haven't noticed, Zim you're in the middle of a rainy day _without_ a disguise".

Again he chucked, amazing even in what was probably extreme pain he managed to keep a determined face "I am NOT brain damaged Dib-Sister, I'm just _spending_ my last few minutes on this horrible planet".

"Sorry… what? Gaz asked surprised "Could you repeat that Zim?...Did I heard you right? You're leaving Earth?

He nodded sorrowfully.

"Why?" I demanded.

From the look on Zim's face I assumed he knew what I meant.

"It's just something I have to do, Gaz-Human" He said, his voice sounder farther away.

_Soon realized that Zim was no longer standing in front of me, but using his spider legs to climb up the side of his glowing green house. Gaz watched, wondering how to follow him._

"Wait… why do I care?"

"_You don't care… you are just curious… don't confuse yourself, you're smarter than that" her brain snapped.  
_

I began to climb the artificial three that Zim put in there to strap Gir if he became too annoying, the tree felt like any natural one, Irken technology was amazing indeed, too bad in Zim's hand that technology would end up being something stupid.

She jumped off the branch and landed on the slanted roof of Zim's house. Everything was bathed in the green glow, making everything look the same. The roof wasn't as slanted as it appeared from the ground, so Gaz walked easily over to where Zim was standing. He had his hands in pockets on his pants that she had never notices before, and he was staring at the sky, apparently unaware that he could get even more hurt id the water entered his eyes.

The purple roof closed leaving two wet beings inside; Zim's skin was no longer emitting smoke, but I was _sure_ he still felt pain.

"Shouldn't you be preparing your ship and gathering up your little friends so you can leave?" I asked not really caring.  
_  
_Zim looked at me "In do time, I'll leave but alone I'm not taking them with me"

I opened one of my eyes at the alien in suspicion "What? Are you saying you're going to _strand _them here on Earth?"

I shook my head disapprovingly "Gees Zim I knew you were cold but after all this time on Earth I might suspect you might actually consider that insane robot of yours and that purple moose thing your friends".

"How would you know?" he retorted angrily "You don't have any friends!"

I rolled my eyes "That's because I know for a fact that people wont accept me if they knew what I know"

"Huh… wait what?" Zim asked confused at what I said.

I shook my head and gave him an ice cold glared "Just forget I said anythi..."

He smirked cruelly as Gaz looked in horror at him.

"Zi….m wh-what are you doing with that?" I asked pointing at the rather menacing laser gun he was holding.

The Irken was examining the gun with utter care.

"I gave up on any thoughts of anyone caring about what I did, along with taking over this pitiful backwater planet two days ago. I didn't think anyone would try to stop me from doing this." Zim laughed dryly. "But, that's not why you're here, is it?"

"What do you mean, 'I gave up on any thoughts of anyone caring about what I did'? Why aren't you trying to take over Earth?" I asked somewhat confused and annoyed.

"I don't have to tell you everything, just be glad I'm not going to be around anymore"

"You're not making any sense you know that?" I told him irritated "Just what's the point of asking me a question if I have no idea what you mean?"

**"I_... do not..."_**

Soon the door to the attic opened and the short alien from earlier came running inside holding Gir.

"ZIM! I fixed him! I fixed Gir! YAY!"

**"_Skoodge!"_**

"That's my name so…"

Apparently he finally realized they had company and Gaz noticed that the insane robot was not operating, it had to be offline or something like that.

"What happened to him?" Gaz asked pointing at the SIR Unit.

Skoodge was about to say something but Zim cut him off.

"It's nothing that concerns you"

Gaz suppressed the urge to hurt him if the situation was what she thought it was, hurting the Irken was not a wise move at the moment.

"You right, It doesn't concern me but I wanna know why are you all of the sudden leaving and more importantly **WHY** don't you wanna destroy the human race anymore?'

"Whoa Zim" the fat Irken said surprised at what he just heard "You never said we were leaving"

"Only one life will be leaving this world" the Invader said irritated.

"Only one life?" Zim since when did _you_ became such a philosophic person? Gaz asked surprised "Usually you're a moron".

Zim gave her a nasty look.

_"At least some people will witness my last moment as a soldier"_ Zim thought to himself. _"Even if it's not exactly the people I was expecting, still I shall leave with no regrets"_

"Skoodge?"

_The fat Irken look up at the mention of his name._

"I guess I have to say that... you were _right _they hate me... always have always will… I shouldn't have gone to see them... so... sorry for not... _believing _you"

_"Okkkkkk"_ Gaz thought _"ZIM'S apologizing to someone? That can't be right"_

"Who are you? And what have you done with the real Zim?" Gaz said out loud.

Once again Zim gave her a nasty glare.

"Aw you don't have to apologize Zim I mean sure all of Irk hates you but at least you got Gir, MiniMoose and of course you got my friendship"

"I got a question for you" Gaz said eyeing Skoodge "You_ are_ a dude right?"

While Skoodge said something to the purple headed girl Zim took his time looking at his idiot robot sidekick, the fat Irken was right... even if Gir and MiniMoose were well... idiots they loved their master and of course he has gotten used to them and he knew that if he got the chance he wouldn't trade them for anything in this or any other planet, and of course Skoodge was his only true friend even when they were kids Zim treated Skoodge like a slave rather than a friend but he never got mad at him or even hated him, that was enough proof that Skoodge was loyal.

**_"ATENTION!"_**

Gaz snapped her knuckles before giving Skoodge anoyer purple eye but stopped her asault at hearing Zim's voice, she didn't like his tone.

"Skoodge as my friend I want you to do one final thing!"

"And that is?" He asked while covering his eye with his gloved hand.

"Gimme a proper burial"

"A proper **_WHAT?" _**Skoodge and Gaz screamed.

Zim got his gun over to his head; it was obvious what he was planning to do.

_Zim was going to commit suicide. _

_Zim was going to commit suicide. _

_Zim was going to commit suicide. _

_Those words were stuck on the remaining alien and the scary child._

"Zim you IDIOT!" The Goth exploded for a reason that even she didn't know "What the **_FLYING_** **_FUCK_** are you going to solve by killing yourself?"

"_The pain and humiliation will go away" _Zim thought depressed.

"Why would you care?" He said instead "I'm only an incompetent fool who's too bad at his job!"

_When I heard him say that something in my insides began to hurt, the next thing I knew I jumped at him and was trying to get the gun away from him._

"**GET OFF OF ME!"** He roared "**YOU SMELL LIKE HUMAN!**"

While Zim and Gaz were fighting over the gun, Skoodge was doing something to Gir's head.

"Gimme the damn gun Zim!"

"**NEVER**!"

"Give it or else!" She threatened.

_As luck would have it Gaz got the laser gun away from Zim and hurled it to the other side of the attic, Zim was squirming under Gaz's strong hold_.

"Let go off ZIM!"

"So you can take the coward's way out?" She spat. "I think not"

_Zim stopped trying to get free from Gaz and looked at her squinted eyes._

"What did you say? WHAT DID YOU **_FUCKING_** SAY HUMAN GIRL?"

"I said so that YOU can take the **coward's** way out?" Gaz repeated "Last I checked you were a proud soldier Zim and unless you want to keep that title you _WON'T_ get away from whatever problems you have by doing something that stupid!"

"Zim is not a coward" He said, his voice calm "And you wouldn't understand what I have gone trough! NOT you, NOT your big headed brother, _NOBODY_ in the universe can understand what I'm feeling right now!"

"And what exactly _ARE_ you feeling Zim?" Gaz asked her voice equally calm.

"Betrayal"

_Gaz froze._

"Betrayal?" She asked surprisingly "Zim… what happened to you?"

"WHAT!" Zim exploded "How dare you ask me what happened, this is not of you business human... I would destroy you right now if I...

_Zim screaming took me by surprise but at least he was acting like himself again but I was curious at what was he's going to say next_

"Just let me die".

"Zim, listen to me" I said seriously, he didn't look at me but I knew he was listening "No matter whatever happens, things can sometimes go in your favor, no matter what"

_Zim was about to snap at me but a voice stop him from saying anything._

"Master?"

_Both Zim and I look up to see his insane robot looking at us, his eyes filled with tears, I hate it when he does that look, it makes me feel al fuzzy inside, I hate that feeling._

_Gaz let go of Zim but he didn't noticed, he was still on the floor, looking at his robot sidekick with horror in his red eyes._

"Gir?" Zim asked, panic present in his voice.

"It wasn't a dream was it?" It really happened?" The robot questioned his master.

Zim looked at the floor in shame "I'm afraid not Gir"

Skoodge went over to Gaz and whispered a few things in her ear "Um, human I think it would be best if you leave, Zim received some unpleasant news a little while ago"

_I shocked my head._

"I'm not leaving until someone tells me what's going on" I whispered back.

"Is not my business to tell" Skoodge said.

Gaz punched him on the gut and _Skoodge cowered behind the Voot Cruiser and next thing I knew I saw Zim getting up and looking down at his robot, he then turned around to face me, I'll never forget the way his eyes looked, his red eyes were worse from than before, he looked almost dead, I don't know why but Zim told me what happened._

"If you must know Dib-sister I have been banished from my home planet"

I nodded in understanding "Well _that explained his weird... well weirder behavior at skool,"_

"_I'm not an invader... I was banished from Irk and removed from the invasion forever"._

_That was something I wasn't expecting... I didn't want to pursue the topic but I assumed that Zim would talk so he could get this out of his chest but something just HAD to interrupt the little moment of suspense._

"SQUEAK!"

"Of course" Gaz thought dryly.

**"MINIMOOSE!"**

As soon as Zim said the name of the little moose thing, he the alien named Skoodge and Gir left the attic, I of coursed followed reluctantly.

When we all reached the ground floor of the bas, we saw MiniMoose jumping up and down on the couch and apparently pointing at the Television set.

We all stare at him for a few seconds before looking at the television, my eyes opened in shock and I wasn't the only one because Zim and Skoodge's red eyes were as wide as they could get watching the screen.

_The words "**Irken Invader Zim is dead!**" in huge bold letters were on the screen._

_An Irken guy with a metallic mask and fancy clothing appeared on the screen._

"That's right! finally the pest that is the Irken Zim is dead!" He said, joy apparent in his voice "The Tallest themselves have confirmed it today!"

**_"I'M NOT DEAD! I'M RIGHT HERE!" _**Zim screamed with all his might.

"Unfortunately the Tallest don't want to reveal just how Zim died" the announcer continued "They said they want to keep the amusing dead to themselves! BUT rest assured my fellow Irkens that he died a slow and painful death!"

The former invader collapsed to his knees and then looked at me angrily "Just HOW can things go in my favor now!"

"Zim… I..."

**"Incoming transmission from the Massive" **The computer hollowed. **"Wanna accept the call or what?"**

"Eh?"

The computer sighs **"I'll take that as a yes"**

Just then the picture with the green monkey lifted and two green aliens with different eye colors appeared on the screen, one had purple eyes with a robe that matched his eyes and another one with red ones, he too had a matching robe, they were grinning from ear to ear.

"Greeting Zim" the Purple one said.

_Zim froze and turned his face slowly to look at the aliens._

"M…. my Tallest?"

"I take it that you saw the news that we just provided to the ENTIRE Irken Empire?" The Red one said maliciously, his smile never leaving his face.

Zim just nodded, almost as if he was accepting his punishment.

"This is just something to make you life more painfully amusing to us" Purple spoke with glee.

"I came up with this idea" Red said proudly "So listen to me Zim because I'm only saying this once" We were all now staring at the deranged Irken guy "If you even **_THINK _**about leaving that nasty rock you're on, we _WILL_ exterminate you like the sad little worm you truly are".

"And just so you know" Purple continued evilly "Now that everyone thinks that your dead, they started their celebrations! That's right Zim; _nobody_ is going to miss you!"

As they laugh cruelly at the ex-Invader; I couldn't help but feel pity for the alien and anger towards these two jerks.

_"Somebody is going to lose some lipms today" _I thought with determination.

"You may have had a struck of**_ horrible_** luck so far by passing your existance evaluation on planet Judgementia and such _Zim_" Red said with disgust "But we are making sure that you will never interact with another Irken in your pathetic life!"

"Oh and the same goes for you Skoodge" Purple said pointing a finger at the fat, ugly alien "Your banished with Zim on Earth, so don't _even_ bother calling us".

The transmission went into static and then black, the green monkey picture appeared once again.

"This is even more embarrassing that the time those Zoo humans mistook me for that Dinky creature" Zim thought miserably to himself.

Silence… that horrible silence was driving everyone nuts… I just knew someone was going to talk and surprisingly… it was me.

"Where those two, your leaders?"

"They used to be" Skoodge snarled.

I put a hand on Zim's shoulders and he gave me a questioning glare.

"Zim… why do your leaders hate you?" I asked.

**_"GET YOUR HAND OF ME!"_**

I struck him right on the kisser and said "I'm _trying_ to be nice here so stop being and ass and tell me what's your deal or _else_!"

"I dont need your sympathy human!"

"Well too bad" I growled "You need someone's and like it or not I'm the only one here who even cares so just answer me because no one else will know!"

"How do I know you wont tell your big headed brother?"

"Because I hate him you moron and you too!"

"Then why _are_ you here?"

"Curiosity killed the cat"

"Eh?"

I rolled my eyes "I'm losing my patience here Zim..."

_"I dont know what went through his mind that night but my guess was that for a brief moment he was sane... mentally sane."_

"I... destoyed half of Irk" He said meekly.

Well I sure wasn´t expecting that... "You did **_WHAT?... YOU MORON! ISN´T THAT'S YOUR PLANET?"_**

"I know! I know it is... or was!" He replied.

"Why would you do something so stupid?"

"I was just made an official Invader after years, **_SO MANY _**years of horrible training and when I received the Battle Mech. 4..."

_**"You didn´t received, it you stole it"**_ The computer corrected.

Zim glared at the walls **_"SHUT UP I'M TELLING A STORY HERE!"_**

**_"Kiss my ass" _**The Computer snapped.

Before anything else could be done I hit the Irken in the back of the head "You two idiots can argue later... now tell why you did something so..."

"Amazing?" He offered.

"No... not amazing" I responded in annoyance "I was going to say stupid, I mean I know you were bad at invading but to destroy your own planet?"

"Well I did kill off many of the original Invaders"

I remember that Gir began to laugh insanely once he saw my face, normally I would've grabbed the crazy robot by his neck and hurt him.

"So let me get this straight you and only _you_ managed to destroy half of your homeworld, nearly wiped out your own people and practically prevented your leaders from taking over the universe in only one day?"

He gave me a weak smile "Yes".

To say I was amazed was an understanding, he was probably the only person in the universe who could have pulled such a retarded move and _not _be executed on sight .

"Your a moron Zim, of that I have no doubt" I told him emotionlessly "But you´re the moron who _lived_"

"And that's good because?" He snarled.

"You really don´t see the big picture here do you?"

"I dont think anyone of us do" Skoodge spoke for the first time in a while,

I was completely pissed off at what I just learned but that's not to say I didn´t see the logic behind those two two jerks planing, but that didn´t make it right and worse they didn't even had the balls to tell Zim the truth in the first place.. No, instead they made him go through a lie that he just couldn't let go off and that was his biggest flaw, Zim was arrogant but he was still an arrogant idiot who could _feel._

That night I think I learned to respect the alien, he managed to do what no one else could... he beat the system.

And I was proud of him for that.

"Listen, you destroyed half your own planet and no one managed to stop you, right?"

"Yes"

"And even after you devastated half of Irk you _still_ weren´t executed"

"Are you going anywhere with this?" The alien was getting agitated.

"What I'm getting at _Zim_ is that your people may hate you, you may have cause a lot of impresive amount of damage but you´re still here even when your actions alone would have been enough to get you killed at the hands of your Tallest but that didn´t happen did it?"

"No"

"So how can you think of yourself as a failure if you did what one else in history has ever achieved to do?"

"Getting ridiculed by his own people?"

"NO!"

"Oh"

I lowered to his level and said quited pleased "You almost brought down an entire Empire"

He gazed into my eyes and I gazed back, he smirked evilly, right then I knew I restored what little confidence he had left.

My job was done, to this day I dont really know why I tried to make the guy feel better, maybe because of the sudden respect I had for him or because I just saved his life and didn´t want to go near that gun again, whatever the reason I knew I did the right thing.

And it sucked.

After several minutes of silence the robot had to speak.

"Master... what are we gonna do now?"

"Were leaving, that's what were going to do" Zim said firmly.

_Gir, MiniMoose, Skoodge and I looked at him with shock written all over our faces._

"**LEAVING!"**

"Squeak!"

"But Zim, the Tallest said that if we leave Earth they would kill us" Skoodge yelled exasperatedly "And I like being alive!"

"I said we're leaving Skoodge, I never said that we would leave the planet"

That night something changed in the Irken.

"So where are we planning on going?"

"MiniMoose, Gir and I will be leaving you _are_ staying here Skoodge and tht's an order"

**_"WHAT? WHY?"_**

"I **_hate _**the Tallest and I'm sure you do, keep the base think of it as a gift because I dont want to be near anything that reminds of my past, my days as an invader are over and if they dont want to kill us fine with me but Im not about to risk my ass_ specially_ if its not worth it"

"Uh thanks I guess, you sure about this?"

"Yes and No"

_For the first time in my life I saw Zim actually behaving like a person, like he was almost human... which was kinda creepy._

_I then asked him the question I wished I never asked._

"When are you leaving?"

"Tonight".

My insides began to hurt for some reason.

"Her can you all shut up!" The Robodad yelled "We are trying to make some lovin' here!"

"Yeah!" The Robomom said.

_"What a way to break the moment"_

* * *

After a while I ran back to Skool, Dib knew I ditched class a few times and for some reason he never ratted on me but of course he didn't liked it when I cut classes and every time I played hookie, he would give me a lecture about how wasting an education was a terrible thing to waist pfff yeah right, but this time I went in a different direction so that Dib wouldn't see me, unfortunately once I entered the skool grounds I knew he saw me, kinda hard not to since I was literaly filled with rage.

"_Gaz dont set people on fire!" _

"Oh joy" I thought sarcastically "Here comes the speech of boredom"

From there to the walk home Dib annoyed me with his don't ditch school speech, he had ranted that speech several times to the point I actually had it memorized and when he was done he asked me the usual things.

_"Where did you go, why you keeo doing this?, you dont you care about your future?"_

I told him I went to Zim's house, just to shut him up

"Why did you go there Gaz?" Dib asked exasperatedly after several minutes of confortable silence. "Don't you know Zim is a dangerous alien bend on destroying humanity!"

Normally I would have beaten the crap out of him, "Give it a rest Dib I'm not in the mood for you and your bitchin"

"GAZ! You could have died!"

"But I didn´t, I'm here arent I?"

"Zim is a menace to society, you me and everyone else is not safe as long he is roaming free!"

I smirkled oh if he only knew that hours ago I just saved his mortal enemy from death, I wold have loved to see his reaction but I kept my mouth shut, he didn´t need to know that Zim wasn´t a real Invader, he deserved that at least someone thought of him as a menace.

Not that I care very much but for some reason I thought that Zim needed just a little happiness in his life.

That night I ran as fast as my legs let me, I wanted to say good bye to the Irken, and once I reached the green house I saw Skoodge outside wearing Zim's wig and contacts, he let me in and we both went to the roof of the house.

Zim was getting all the stuff he needed for his "new life" inside the Voot Cruiser, I was kind of hoping that he would be lying but this was true, he was leaving, once he was done packing, he said good bye to Skoodge and then he said good bye to me, but what happened next is something I'll never forget, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, I don't know why he did that or why I didnt beat him up for doing such a thing but at that moment I didn't give a shit.

Zim got in his Irken ship and started to push some buttons, the roof opened up and the cruiser began to levitate, I saw Gir and MiniMoose looking down at us waving, Skoodge and I did the same, then they left.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

The next day Skoodge enrolled in High Skool wearing a blue wig and red contacts, he got in Miss Bitters´s class and at lunch my brother told me that Skoodge said that he was Zim's cousin from Canada, of course every one believed that lie except for my stupid annoying brother, he _did_ wondered what happened to Zim and why he was replaced with the shorter Irken.

Dib has collected around information from the Irkens by using Tak´s ship and learned that Skoodge was the Irken Invader who brought down a race of Slaughtering Rats in a matter of months so logically my idiot brother thought that Skoodge was Zim's_ replacement, _and bowed to stop whatever evil plans Skoodge had for Earth but of course I knew better, he didn´t want to rule the world, he didn´t want to cause anymore havok, he just wanted to fit in.

Something He managed to do quite well and pissed my brother a lot.

As luck would have it he and I never actually_ became_ friends seeing as he was too afraid to go near me and I just didn´t like him, he was too happy for someone who recently got exiled from his home and that was the disturbing part, all in all we were simply aquaintances and held a decent amount of respect towards the other.

It was for the best.

Six months after Zim left, my brother and I came back from Skool and we were greeted with a shoe sized package in the front door of the house, it had a note that said :_ To a Gaz Membrane, from a friend,_ it didn't had a return address so we both were curious of who send it, Dib wanted to open it but I told him it was mine and threaten him, to remove his spine and beat him to death with it so I took the mysterious box to my room and open it, once I did a black cat came out at a tremendous speed (sounds familiar?) it had greenish-yellow eyes and white spots in the ears and the tail.

"Are you Gaz Membrane?" The cat asked.

My mouth hung open.

"What the hell!" I snarled "You can talk?"

All of the sudden the cat revealed itself to be nothing more than a robot, it was similar to Gir except this robot was black, it still had it's greenish-yellow and it even had eye lashes (which I knew for a fact that it was a girl) and more importantly she didn´t have a mouth.

"Are you Gaz Membrane?" It repeated.

"Yes, what's it to you?"

The black robot came closer to me almost as if I was some parasite under a microscope. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Memorizing you"

I raised an eyebrow "Why?"

"To protect you"

"I don´t _need_ protection"

"My father seems to think otherwise"

I had no idea who she meant, and then it hit me... Zim, who else could've have build her, well there was Skoodge but he's terrified of me.

I asked her what was her name but she told me she didn't have one, I asked her what her the reason for being here was, she here and she told me that I was her mistress, well that was enough proof that she became my property.

"I had my own robot, that was pretty cool.

"What is my name?"

"What?"

"My name... what will it be?"

"Don´t you have one?"

The android shrugged "My creator believed it was best if you named me"

"Reb your name will be Reb"

"Name received... what can I do for you my mistress?"

As time passed Reb and I became very good friends and as far as I knew Dib never figured out that my "cat" was actually a S.I.R Unit which suited me just fine.

Over the years I received a few letters from said Irken but of course with no way to ever find out where did those letters kept coming from, I asked Reb if she could track him down but she couldn't because her programming forbidden her to do so.

After I finished High Skool, I began with art classes at De Anza College and once I graduated I was offered a job at Slave Labor which I obviously took, I created comics like "Killing can be good" and "Adopted", and there were people nice enough to help me like that Jhonen Vasquez guy who created "Johnny The Homicidal Maniac" (which by the way is my favorite comic).

But I still didn't considered any of those people at Slave Labor my friends, I mean even in college I didn't even tried to have a social life mainly because I hated people and I still do.

Truth be told there were guys who asked me out but I said no to every guy, because to me they didn't compared to a certain green alien, after a few years I began to miss the Irken more and more until it was evident that I liked him, at first I didn't want to accept it but even Reb told me that if I liked him then at least I had to admit that to myself.

I signed, and tried to wipe my face, but I ended up poking myself in the eye.

"Oh damn it! I'm officially drunk"

Putting my empty glass on the bar. I was just enjoying an off week, next week, I was suppose to have a meeting with Roman Dirge so he could tell me, if there was any chance that Slave Labor would publish my new idea, but right now I was dead set on getting drunk.

After a while I became bored and decided to leave, just when I was getting up I heard a guy say _"**pitiful human**", _in my entire life the only person that ever said was Zim, I walked in the direction of the voice until I was in the karaoke room, I looked trough the crowd and saw what I never thought I would see again. it was him, the same alien that at one time he was hell bent on destroying humanity only this time he was taller (just an inch shorter than Red and Purple) and he was dressed like one of the guys from "the matrix ", a long black trench coat, a black shirt and the same Irken pants and boots he used when I met him years ago and of course he still wore his Pak but to my surprise he wasn't wearing gloves.

He was sitting in a chair listening to people sing, he was trying not to laugh but he was failing miserably, I came closer to him and touch him in the shoulder, he turn his head and for the first time in years I saw his false human eyes.

"Gaz-Human?"

"Hello Zim, it's been years"

"TEN of your Earth years to be precise"

I sat down across Zim's table.

"So how's life treating you?" I asked the Irken.

"You know... pulling a job now and then. Have to work in odd hours sometime, but pay's good enough, what about you?"

"Well it's not the life I had in mind but I can't complain"

Then the information registered my mind, Zim had a REAL job?

"Hey Zim, what's you job anyway?" I asked nonchalantly.

"If I tell you then I've to kill you"

I raised an eyebrow at the alien in amusement.

"Oh what the hell... I'll tell you, I work for the Earth government.

"What, you work for the FBI?"

"Nop, I work as... well a spy"

"You're fucking kidding me"

"I fuck you not human, I'm telling the truth."

I couldn't help but giggle even after twelve years on Earth he was still the same moron I met when I was eleven.

But right now I didn't care for his arrogance.

"So how about you?" He aquestioned "Any new issues of those comics you write?"

"Wait, you read those?"

"Well I have to keep myself amused when I travel to different places in your stinkin planet"

"Well don't you use your ship?"

"It's too small for me now, so I have to use your_ filthy _human transportation"

"Zim, I always wondered, where did you go after your leaders told you, you weren't an invader?"

"I guess I can tell you but not here"

"Then where?"

"We could go to my place, that is if you want to" he said nervously.

It only took me a second to say yes.

When we got out of the bar we went directly to my car, it was a dark green sport car, which of course the alien liked.

We got inside the car and I began to drive to Zim's place, he told me the directions as to how to get there and we would be there in half an hour at least.

_"I gotta say, drinking was a good choice tonight"_

* * *

**_Well that's it for chapter one, as you noticed, Zim and Gaz still have the job I gave them in the original version of the fic but remember just because I'm keeping a few things the same, doesn't mean all the fic will have the same story line._**

**_I already have a huge role planned for Tallest Red as well as for Dib, MiniMoose and others._**

**_Skoodge will also have somewhat of a role plus, you'll be happy to know that someone outside of Earth really did missed Zim, Who? I don't really know yet but I'll think of someone._**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	2. Remembrance Of A Defective's Past

**_Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez; I do however own Reb and Jack... who will onle make one last appearance in a future chapter... OF DOOM!_**

**_Chapter two:_**

* * *

_Flashback starts:_

"Irkens and Meekrobs in _**PEACE**_?" A Vortian asked in utter disbelief "What THE HELL have you been smoking?"

"Nothing you fool!" A cloaked Irken snarled exaperately "_Look,_ I know how fuck up this sounds but right now need all the help I can get so I can _prevent _the current Tallest from signing those documents with the Meekrob Emperor!"

"And **WHY** should I help an Irken scum like you?"

"I was expecting that question" the Irken said with a dark smile, the other alien just frowned in confusion "Do you know the legend of The Three Tallest?"

The Vortian raised an invisible eyebrow. "You're not telling me that your demented leader actually _believes_ the damn legend is true and plans to do what I think you're trying to tell me?"

The cloaked alien nodded grimly and scowled darkly at the words _"your leader"_

His "friend" laugh insanely as if he didn't believe him and the laugher went on for a few minutes and got a few tears out of his beaty little eyes, once he managed to calm down he saw the serious face his ally was giving him.

"You aren't joking" It wasn't a question, it was a fact.

"Ask yourself this, if I **_WERE_** joking would I be hiding from my own people?"

The Vortian nods "Got a point there"

"So are you gonna help me or not?"

The goat like being crossed his eyes "What's in it for me?"

The taller alien gaped "What's... what's in it for you? **_ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" THE UNIVERSE IS IN DANGER AND YOU JUST CARE FOR WHAT YOU WANT?"_**

"Listen, it was bad enough my planet was conquered _and_ enslaved by that loser Larb" The alien growled " And the fact that he forced my people to build weaponry to make _your_ Empire unbeatable just add insult to injury"

"Maybe we should have looked further into Miyuki's death rather than just place the blame on your race" The Irken said meekly.

The Vortian glared daggers at him and responded sarcastically "you **_think_**?"

"Getting off topic here"

" Oh right" The shorter male said calmly but then started screaming again "NOW you are implying that... that bitch wants to get those ... **_THINGS_** so that all hell will break lose for **_everyone._** so it's safe to say I'm risking not only my life here but the life of my people so you bet your sorry ass that I **_WANT_** something out of all of this"

"And if I refuse?"

"Then you can get someone else to help you and since most of the universe_ hates you_, that sure isn´t going to happen so bottom line is...I'm your only hope." He finished smugly.

The Vortian was known as prisoner 777 and he was twitching his left eye uncontrollably as he stared at the transmission from Irk that went into static every few seconds, the strange red eyed Irken is what some of his race would have called a Raro, meaning he wasn't a defective or sane Irken, he was something in between the two, and because he isn't TOTALLY insane he's allowed to have his PAK, but that didn't meant that his peculiar behavior was something to be proud of, in fact most of the Raros were ashamed and tried to have their PAKS "fixed" and sometimes those Irkens had their memory chips fried if the procedure was a complete failure.

The Irken sighs in defeat "What exactly _do_ you want from me?"

777 Smirked triumphantly "A promise"

"That's all?"

"Yes, I want my people's freedom... I also want YOU to promise me that when all of this is over you won't send anyone after me"

"You seem to think I'm gonna keep my word"

"I know your not going to which is why this whole conversation is being recorded, you bail on our agreement and the **ENTIRE** Empire will know just how desperate you were to get what you want and if memory serves me right Irkens aren't _weak_"

"You realize that you've just persuading me to kill you, right?"

777 chuckled cruelly "Maybe but enough, do we have a deal?"

"If you EVER tell anyone..."

"If you honor our agreement then my lips are sealed"

"Vort will be free" The Irken nodded grudgingly.

"Then we have no time to waste so tell me... watcha want then?".

"Something to get me out of the planet" The green alien hissed "And by something I mean a SHIP!"

"Why don't you just steal one?'

"Don't you think I **_tried_** that?" the Irken Raro growled "every time I tried to steal one I get caught, there are cameras in every place of the planet, guards in every corner so you can see how well those attemps ended"

_"Umm"_ 777 rubbed his chin "I'll see what I can do"

And with that the transmission ended.

The Irken stared at his reflection on the screen and left the communicator booth he was using, this Irken was a Con Artist and at very good one since he could trick people into his mind games but sadly he wasn't strong enough, this alien was somewhat tall, the shadow of his cloak cowered the upper part of his face, he had a sickly purple scar under his right eye his clothes covered most of his body, the only thing that wasn't covered were his hands and his PAK which of course made a few beeping sounds every now and then so that others knew of his place in society, that beeping to some meant a little piece of individuality which the Irken Empire mostly lacked while to others it meant that he wasn't a_ "perfect_" Irken.

"You better help me out" The Irken whose name was "Der" thought desperately.

_

* * *

_

"And so he DID help me out" Der snickered sheepishly remembering his conversation with the annoying goat.

He was piloing the out of dated Vortian runner; he was surprised that 777 got him this vessel since he thought that all of the Vort ships were destroyed.

"Ok, first things first I need _more_ allies since I can't possibly win this fight alone but who would be stupid and incredibly suicidal enough to help me out?" Der thought to himself.

"Proximity warning: Planet ahead" the computer said with a bored voice and the Irken stared at the screen.

"Oh you have got to be **_fucking_** kidding me! That's the last time I fly with no real destination at hand!"

* * *

**_Zim's POV:_**

"I can't believe it, after ten Earth years I meet little Gaz once again,... well she isn't little anymore that's for sure, she_ is_ taller and... sexier as humans put it but despite the obvious physical changes, she hasn't changed much in personality she _stil_l keep her gothic appearance, she now painted her nails black, she had black lipstick on her lips, she was now wearing some skull earrings, her hair was now longer but she keep the same style except for the fact that now it was blue (yes she dyed her hair blue) she was wearing a dark blue shirt and a black trench coat, she was even wearing a skirt … a navy blue skirt as a matter of fact, she even wore black combat boots with a smiley face at the top of them, but the only thing that seem to keep with her at all times is the skull necklace thingy she wore since I met her back in elementary skool."

I smiled wickedly at the sight of the female stink beast.

"It also got me thinking, Gaz was probably the only human on Earth that hated her own race, she's really one of a kind… I remembered asking myself of just how could a someone hate his own race, it was unheard of on my planet, hates others yes but hating you own race... ridiculous!"

But she proved me wrong.

"I could never see things from her point of view back then but now I do… I'm an Irken and the only one of my kind that hates my own race and vice versa, my smiled turned into a frown, because in a weird way Gaz and I aren't at all different not just because we are outcast but the fact that both of us are full of anger towards the worlds we grew up in, maybe it was misplaced hatred but it was hatred nevertheless…"

"Oh crap" The womancursed.

"What's the matter Gaz… human?

"I'm almost out of Gasoline", she informes me; and if her tone meant anything I'm sure she didn't like the fact that I didn't address her with the respect she believed she deserved.

"So"? We're going to have to make a pit stop at the next gas station."

"That is _IF _we find one before the car decides to die"

"Ha, inferior Earth vehicle" I hollowed.

Gaz smirked for some reason.

After 10 minutes of searching we found a measely gas station and parked the car without any trouble.

I got out of the vehicle and told Gaz I was getting some snacks, she nodded.

I walked to the convenience store and entered, and as much as I hate to admit it some of the Earth junk food tastes similar to the snackings I had to serve _and_ steal on Foodcourtia, that _damn_ Sizz-Lorr didn't allow me to eat, hell even my break was not an hour like Gashloog's, it was only five minutes and I had to work the cash register, so in other words I was treated like a slave, it was something **_THE AMAZING ZIM_** shouldn't have gone through! in shortthe food court planet could be my own personal slice of hell.

What was worse even on Earth I was told the _only_ job I was capable of was in fast food services as if I wasn't scarred enough already but I refused to do that! I was not going to waste my life doing a minimun wage job, I am _ZIM_ and I wasn't going to let my past haunt me! I took the career test seventeen times... **_SEVENTEEN TIMES! _**And each time I was told the same result.

_"Fast Food Drone"_

Eventually I had to do something drastic, I bribed several people to let me take the exam one last time _and _that time I finally got what I wanted.

_"The Army"_

I must admit that it was _not_ what I expected, the army was _easy,_ what they had to offer me was _laughable HA! _but it was still far better than cooking for the rest of my existance... I still had my pride after all.

Dismissing the horrible memories I got some doughnuts, nachos and when I saw that they were selling taquitos, my eyes began to watered because those snacks always remind me of Gir… oh how I miss that little stupid robot; I still remember his "death".

MiniMoose, Gir and myself went to Italy for a mission, apparently I was gonna meet a gangster who went by the name of _Vito_ and he was selling guns, drugs and many other kind of illegal things to foreign countries… he didn't seem to care who got hurt as long as he always got his way, kinda like when when I was blinded by the Tallest lies... but now?... meh I still hurt others but this time for different reasons.

Where was I? Oh yes...the problem was that there wasn't any actual proof of his illegal businesses.. so I killed Mitch some guy who was Vito's right hand man, if I could get evidence then I could arrest the bastard and after so much time had passed some incriminating evidence was revealed, **_YAY FOR ME_**! Err I called my boss and had all the mobsters arrested thought they didn't give up without a fight, those damn criminals killed more people than I care to remember, the sad part? Gir was with me at the time, but before the gangsters were dragged to the car, Vito swearing revenge got out a gun and was ready to shoot me, everything was in slow motion for me, it appeared I was doomed but Gir… my faithful S.I.R (disguised as a dog) jumped in the air and took the bullet for me, he was _"murdered", _I grabbed him as tears ran down my cheeks, that was the first time I cried in years, I was so pissed off that I took a gun out of my PAK, it was one of the many guns that those two Plookesian guys gave years ago, I was about to pull the trigger and shoot him between the eyes, imaginating his blood and brains being spilled everywhere.

It was a pleasant image.

But the bastard got lucky he managed to escape, how? I don't knoe, all I know is that after he tried to kill me, he dissapeared, probably knowing my attachment to my robot was the perfect distraction, he shot my most trusted companion just so that he could walk the strets a free man... he is a coward, but campuring him was the least of my worries at that moment, I remember taking Gir back home and tried to repair him but I failed horribly because he was shot in the chest, the very part of his body where his power core was stored in and since the humans don't have the technology to make a S.I.R Unit's power core it was impossible for Gir to ever function again.

I still have his lifeless metal body at my house, as years went by I tried to think of a way to repair him, then it hit me, **_Skoodge_**, he still had access to my base but due to my work I was never able to contact him, even MiniMoose _offered _to give Gir his power core but it was a different model so it wouldn't work, I was really frustrated and took it all out on my job.

Several burned bodies came to Zim's deranged mind.

"As it turned out my frustration was confused by anger and well, the boss told me that I was working too hard and gave some time off, I wasn't a bit happy because I spend years looking for Vito, I wanted to kill him on the spot once I found him but he was a very smart human and with limited Earth technology no less! it was a very frustrating job to find the bastard, it wasn't until a few months later I found out why he had been able to elude me so easily, it was so obvious I kicked myself for not seeing it sooner, Vito was smarter than any human, he knew things no other inferior stink beasts could _possibly_ know and I swore that if I ever got the opportunity I would show him my respects before chopping his head off… right the hell off!"

Zim rubs his head; he never got over the infuriating fact that his adversary couldn't possibly be a human being, it seemed that no matter what just about any race could best him in just about anything, and THAT destroyed his ego in more than one way.

anyway going back to the subject at hand.

Once I started my vacation I came to the very city where I landed all those years ago, my first thought was to look for Skoodge but when I went to my old base, it was **_NOT THERE, _**so either he was found out by the humans or something very horrible happened to him, I asked the people of my old neighborhood what happened to the odd green house and they told me made me laugh,_ "what green house?"_

It was very typical of the human race, either they didn't want to pay attention for what was surely around them _or_ the more likely reason was that they were complete morons… I rather go with option number two, heh. Stupid monkeys.

The clerk look at the alien oddly _"Why do I always get the weird ones?" _She thought in irritation.

"And of course since the only other of my kind went who knows where I decided to ask help from…."

**_"Sir?" _**the female snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"That will be 14.95"

I nodded and paid the human female and exited the store with my doughnuts and nachos.

"Have a nice night" the clerk said not really caring.

"_Kinda hard to have a nice night when I'm stuck on a planet surrounded by hu..."_

I stopped just before I finished my sentence once I was outside because I saw Gaz _talking_ to someone.

It was a man who seemed to be twice the age of the Dib-sister and he seemed sort of familiar.

I was very curious about what they were talking about that I used a tiny listening device out of my Pak and it flied to the two humans, it was a tiny metal spying tool I received from a friend, it was so inferior to Irken technology but it's the best thing this planet has to offer so there's no use arguing with myself on the subject.

Some headphones came out of my Pak and hid behind some garbage cans, ugh not my best hiding place but it will do nicely... for now.

I knew from my experience, that the most atrocious of things _could_ be committed in the dark, and I was sure, that I would commit an atrocity or two if another one of my friends were harmed.., wait did I just called Gaz_ my friend_?… she's **_not _**my friend or is she?

"_Damn it! I've been on this damn planet too long!"_

I listened to the conversation.

* * *

"So... You're a friend of Zim?" the human MALE asked.

"You might say that" Gaz growled "I met him a long time ago"

"Are you his ex-girlfriend?"

I blushed at the thought and I could have swore Gaz did too but then again my optical eyes could be malfunctioning.

"Not really just an old acquaintance"

"By any chance you know who he works for?" The guy asked.

Gaz gave him a face of irritation, oh I **know** how this is gonna end.

"Look here dumb ass, I don't know what you want but even if I knew who Zim works for there's no fucking away I would tell you" She snapped.

I smiled at the threat Gaz gave him, like old times... I guess that's one of the few things that hasn't changed about her.

"We'll see about that!" He said maliciously.

The guy grabbed Gaz by her arm and got a gun out of him pocket, a revolver as a matter of fact and pointed at her chest.

My eyes widened at what I saw, I got my spider legs out of my Pak and jumped to the top of the building, next I jumped to where the gas pumps where, the guy saw me and quickly pointed the gun to Gaz head.

"Zim… nice you see you again"

"Define nice" I sneered as I walked closer to the moron who apparently had the desire to have his spleen removed slowly _and_ painfully with a katana while he was still alive.

"Ah… ah... ah…" The human shook his finger patronizingly "Listen well Zim if you come any closer, your friend here pays the price."

I smiled sinisterly and Gaz caught it, either she thought I had a plan or that I was just being a hero who wanted to do some good, ha yeah right, I'm no hero, I'm just some evil bastard with nothing to lose.

"_Are you really evil master?"_

"_Oh shit… shit… shit… shit, not now, why does Gir's voice has to come in the worse moments? _I thought angrily.

I shake my head uncontrollably in order to keep my dead minion's voice out of my mind and then I stared menacingly at the man holding Gaz at gun point.

"I don't think so" I snarleed "You's dead!"

"Oh? And what makes you say that?" he taunted me.

Gaz got free from his greasy arm and punch him on his face.

Without second thoughts I retract my spider legs and got a gun out of my Pak as I quickly made my way towards the human scum, it was the same gun I used to try and kill Vito, my enemy got up but to his luck I had the gun at his face.

"I'll see you in hell!" were the last words that this filthy creature said.

I pulled the trigger and killed him, fortunately I had a silencer so one heard the laser, "I told you, you'r dead" I said smugly, heh the poor arrogant bastard never had a chance against me anyway, I looked at Gaz and saw her face... She looked like she wanted to scream in anger but to my surprise she hugged me and to add even more to my surprise I thought I heard sobbing.

"_Its official I completely lost it"._

"It's all ok now, Gaz I got you"

I whispered sixty seconds after hugging Gaz as she continued to cry.

"If you even dare to tell anyone about this… hiccups,., I'll make you wish you were never born"

_"Ok, not completely" I thought._

"Oh you don't have to worry about me telling anyone Dib-Sister, the last thing I want is to suffer the same thing you did to me after I stole your gaming device all those years ago".

She smirked cruelly.

"So what are you gonna do about him?" Gaz asked pointing at the body with one hand and using the other one to wipe her eyes.

"He had it coming for some time... Besides better me than you"

"Wait a minute! What's that about better you then me?" She asked enraged, I better give her an explanation before she does something horrible to me.

"I meant to say that I have killed before and I'm pretty sure you haven't so no point in getting your hands bloody _especiall_y over some inferior pawn"

Gaz raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Are you sure?" She asked teasingly "Think I haven't killed before?"

She gave me one of her cruel smirks_, "Damn I'm turned on."_

"That was something I wasn't expecting from you Dib-sister, you know if another of those humans comes, I'll let you kill him if you want to. I just thought that there is no reason for you to kill one of your own race… because I have seen that many of you regret doing it... But since I'm _Irken_ it's something that I'm used to do and that I will never _**EVER**_ regret"

"You know it's been years since I heard you call me by that name"

I nodded, and then I walked towards the corpse.

"What are you doing?"

"The guy's dead, might as well rob his ass"

"That's cold Zim" Gaz said with a smirk "You are even more immoral than I remember."

"If that's even possible" I told her winking an eye.

I grabbed the dead human's wallet and stole over 2000 bucks; I also grabbed his car keys, why not? He's not going to use it anymore.

"I finally won the lottery!" I gave one of my famous trademark outbursts.

Gaz raised an eyebrow "You don't say?"

"And I also got me a car" I screamed in delight.

Gaz rolled her amber eyes.

"Well Zim if you're done ymaking a fool of yourself, what say if we get outta here and we go to your house?"

"Fine, fine, let me just get my _new_ car and we'll leave"

_"That alien is even more screwed than I remembered, even more of a reason to like him" _Gaz thought in both amusement and stupefied at what just happened.

"We drove the two cars to my house; my car was a dark gray Ferrari, as far as I knew it was one of the most expensive cars in existence and I got it for free... I remember when I was young…. well _younger _that I never figured out what humans saw in cars until I_ "turned 18 so to speak", _one of the greatest experiences of my life"

Gaz peeps her car's horn, I turned my head and I saw that she was pointing at something, I looked and to my surprise she was pointing at my house.

I smirked, I bet Gaz thought I would have a freaky looking house like my original base; instead I have a normal one, that's because the house was a gift from the human that adopted me ten years ago.

We parked both our cars and got out of them without any trouble, we went to the front door, the house has 2 floors, it was dark gray with a little blue on each side, the garage door was also blue, there were a couple of windows on each floor and it had a pretty big satellite on the roof.

Once I got out my keys I opened the door and let Gaz go first, "After you _human_"

"You call me human one more time and you'll end up with **_BOTH_** your arms Zim in you ass... **_is that clear_**?"

"Crystal" I told her with smugness, she _"huffed_" and made her way towards my living room and without a care she sat down on my couch almost as if she owned it.

"Make yourself at home", I _didn't _mean that to be so literally but she just did as I instructed and she started to play some gaming device that somehow she managed to get out of nowhere, no matter how she does that it still creeps me out"

I left for a few minutes and came back from the attic with a few albums.

"Sooooo This is where you live?" Gaz said still playing her game and apparently trying to start a conversation, it felt awkward and I _think _she knew it.

"If you want to get technical this house was actually given to me"

She stops her game and stares at me in wonder "Someone gave YOU this place?"

"Yup"

"Legally?"

"Yup"

"You didn't kill anybody here did you?"

"Err..."

" You know what? Nevermind I _don't _want to know"

_"Phew"_

"Who...?"

_"Family"_ I answered before she could finish her question.

Gaz gave me a look, she was obviously confused.

I sat down next to her.

"Squeak!"

We both looked at where the noise came from, to my surprise MiniMoose entered the living room, giving me a look that said "You dog"

"Squeak!"

My remaining sidekick floated to us and watched Gaz with red eyes; he then smiled at her adorably and for no apparent reason got himself comfortable in her long… sexy legs.

_"Snap out of it Zim.. she's a human!"_

"Gaz…MiniMoose… MiniMoose… Gaz you meet before" I told her in an attempt to stop myself from thinking _that way_ about her.

"Hard to forget a tiny purple moose"

She began to stroke MiniMoose.

"Hey, where's Gir?"

I grind my teeth.

"I… don't wanna talk about it right now"

She stared at me but quickly shrugs the subject off apparently she understood my distress or more likely she didn't care.

"Then at least would you tell me how did you get this place?"

"Well I guess it all started the night I left….."

* * *

Flashback:

The Voot Cruiser was flying high above the city; Zim, Gir and MiniMoose were watching for the last time the city which had been their home for so long.

"I want a Suck Monkey!" Gir happily declared.

"No Gir." I said with authority and annoyance.

"I want a Suck Monkey!"

_"Squeak!"_

"What! But you don't even need to eat or drink!"

_"Squeak!"_

The two idiot sidekicks where doing this for some time until I finally gave in.

The Voot Cruiser was now flying to the City Mall, once they reached their destination, Zim got out of the ship (wearing his disguise) while Gir and MiniMoose stayed on the cruiser.

Zim walks up to the front door of the Mall and tries to open it, but it won't budge.

"Damn it," I cursed " ok nothing I can't handle I'll get those drinks for my two idiot sidekicks… or else they won't stop bugging me"

Four robotic spider legs emerge from Zim's Pak and becoming welding tools, creating an opening big enough for Zim to walk through. The robotic spider legs retract into the Pak.

Zim walks into the mall.

* * *

_Security Room:_

Slab Rankle is watching every monitor in the room like a chetta watching its next meal.

"Ah... every outlet is resting peacefully, not even a mouse can disturb their sleep, this makes my job worth while… knowing that every outlet is safe is every person's dream… mmmmyep."

Slab Rankle sees a security screen which monitors a Suck Monkey outlet.

"What's this?" He stared at the screen "Computer amplify the screen a 100"

The screen gets bigger and it shows Zim creeping through the mall.

"Ah young trespasser I been expecting your return, let's see if you have been training, because I upgraded my security system"

Meanwhile Zim was getting the Suck Monkeys.

"Gir and MiniMoose better appreciate what I'm doing for them; most invaders treat their minions like shitty shit"

Slab presses a red button which activates the defenses.

The Irken hears a sound and turns to face a tree, the branches from it moved, revealing some very intimidating weapons aiming Zim, they shoot lasers but the former invader was able to evade them while still holding the drinks in his clawed hands.

"Oh fuck, I forgot about that little stink man!"

The intercom in the mall turns on, making high pitched feedback.

_**"Ah it appears you remember me young trespasser"**_

"Looky here stink beast I'm just here to get these drinks for my two sidek—pets"

**_"Sure you are'_** Slab abswered sarcastically "last time you where here you destroyed my security system and bested my zombie soldiers... well this time I'm prepared."

* * *

"Zombie soldiers?" Gaz parroted in disbelief

"Don't ask, the guy was nuts but still **_LET ME CONTINUE WITH THE _****_STORY!"_**

"Ok, ok, go on, damn, you need to calm down at times you know"

"Moving on" I said in annoyance.

* * *

"I hope you like what I done with the place"

Slab once again pressed a button and the floor on the mall begins to move, Zim is surprised and sees that the floor splits open, some of the outlet signs detaches and lasers are revealed, once the floor is completely open some robotic spider appear, they are the size of Zim's Pak, their backs open and guns come out, they began to shot, they where tranquilizers, Zim was able to evade them thanks to his spider legs but the lasers cut trough them, _"Aw fuck_" he lands on the floor, the mechanical spiders shot him and the alien felt asleep.

A few hours later Zim wakes up, he sees his surroundings; he is in a primitive looking lab but a laboratory nevertheless, the Irken tries to move his arm so he could prottect his eyes from the blinding light but sadly he's can't because he is strapped onto a platform.

"What in the blue fuck is going on here?"

"For such a small fellow you sure can scream a lot" Slab teased.

Zim turn his head to the direction of the voice and sees the very human that he defeated the last time he was here all those years ago.

"You!" the alien snarled.

"Yes me, you know I was expecting more of a challenge from you young trespasser"

"Two things, one **_I AM ZIM!_** and two I have no reason to fight another human worm baby"

"Really and why not?" the adult questionednot catching Zim's mistake.

"That's none of your business human!"

"Well if you aren't gonna tell me I might as well find out by myself."

"And how are you gonna do that?"

"Oh you'll see young trespasser" Slab said with a grin.

**_"I AM ZIM!"_**

"Quiet! There'll be time for you to yell your name later!"

Slab went to a computer a looks in an archive on something that may help him, after a while he smiles.

"Ah here's what I was looking for"

The weird guard gets up from his chair and looks at his "guest".

"Well...Zim if you're not telling me anything I might as well turn you into one of my Zombie Soldiers"

"**_WHAT?"_**

"Yes, you see someone with your skills could be very useful to my fight against people who are disrespectful towards the law and stuff"

"Are you_ high_? That's the most stupid thing I ever heard"

"It's not stupid; it's a very rewarding job, knowing that you're doing something that will please your people!"

Zim began to look at him in a different way.

"So you're doing this because you _want_ recognition from your people?"

"I don't want it, I already have it" Slab snapped.

"Okkkkkkkkkk" by now the Irken was creeped out.

"Well are you going to tell me or I'm I going to turn you into one of my Zombie warriors?"

Zim was about to open his mouth when the ceiling explodes and Gir and MiniMoose drop down.

"Leave my master alone!" the little robot hollowed in duty mode getting several pieces of weaponry out of his head.

"Squeak!"

Slab sees Zim's henchmen and totally freaks out.

"What... what the hell are those things?"

"Gir, what are you doing here, I told you and MiniMoose to stay in the Voot Cruiser!"

"But master, you were out for soooooooo long" Gir said as he returned back to normal "And you didn't bring us our Suck monkeys so we thought that something bad must have happened to our drinks!

"Squeak!"

Zim just stares at him sidekicks in disbelief _"Oh sure when he wants a suck monkey then he uses those damn weapons"_

"Sorry to interrupt this meeting but would you mind explaining me what's going on?"

"Release me and I'll tell you or suffer my wrath!"

So after a while Slab heard the whole story, he was impressed.

"So you're an alien outcast?"

"ummmmmyep"

"So that's why you bested me and my Zombie soldiers, your skills must be more advance that any one else on Earth"

"You could say that"

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, I was pretty much gonna have a new life on your pituful planet since I'm not allowed on my homeworld"

Slab scratches his chin.

"I'll make you a deal Zim"

"I'm listening stinky man"

"You upgrade the mall with alien technology and I'll give you a home"

I though about this deal for a few minutes until I decided to bargain as you humans call it.

"How about this?" I said "I upgrade what I can with the technology I_ still _have and you get me information on how can I be in the military of your planet and a home"

"Deal"

Both adults shook on it.

* * *

"So you ended up living with him?"

"Not what I had in mind I must admit, but it wasn't that bad"

"So that's what you meant by family?" Gaz asked in understanding.

"Yes, you know if I _did_ have a father I guess it would be Rankle"

"So what happened to your "father"?" She questioned suspiciously.

""I didn't kill him if _that's_ what your thinking, he actually died a couple of weeks ago, he didn't have much of a family so in his will he left me this house and what was left of his money, which was in fact a lot who knew a demented little man knew how to handle his invesments?"

Gaz then looked down at my legs.

'What you got there?"

"These are albums from all that I've done during the years on Earth" I explained.

"Can I see?"

"Eh… sure, if you want to"

During the next hour or so I showed Gaz pictures of me in Military School (which I said before passed easily), the time Slab trained me in Earth combats, when I graduated from high Skool, when Slab and said good bye to me when I left to become part of the FBI _(Ironic don't you think?)_ and finally when I received an offering as I spy, which I obviously took, the one thing I didn't show her was when I was forced to work at a local chicken restaurant, I will _not_ show her the horrible job I almost had to endure everyday.

In almost all the photos she could se my amazing self along with Gir, Slab or MiniMoose, in a way I often think that I was grateful that the Tallest told me my mission was a fake because if they hadn't then I would still be an oblivious fool... I would still be living a horrible, horrible lie.

"And that pretty much what I been doing all these years" I told her as she continued to look at the pictures with envious eyes, at least I **_THINK_** they were envious.

"Squeak!"

With out any warning Gaz just got her head in my shoulder and I felt my cheeks go purple and to add more of an awkward moment all of the sudden she gave me a kiss... I was surprised, I didn't push her away though, instead I started to kiss her back.

MiniMoose was now on the floor watching us with curiosity.

After several minutes she slowly parted away, she then whispered to me in a very seductive voice. "Wanna have some fun?"

I started to sweat.

"Uh Gaz not to be rude or anything but are you sure about this?" I stammered.

"As sure as I can be"

'umm...OK but how about if we go upstairs?"

"Fine with me alien scum"

"Oh you'll regret calling me that Dib-sister"

Both human and Irken got up from the couch and went upstairs.

"Squeak!"

Translation into English "I'm gonna need earplugs"

* * *

_Elsewhere:_

The Vortian vessel just crashed on the park and the Irken Raro within it just managed to get out of it without being burned alive, he looked at all directions for any signs of the inhabitants of the planet and after seeing that he was alone, he collapsed on the grass and lowered his hood breathing heavily.

"No wonder I never became an Invader" the Irken growls.

He managed to see a lake near of where he crashed, he slowly went to it and saw his reflection on it.

He touches his scar and snarls "Once I beat Kijani at her own game I'll make sure to break every bone in her body before I erase her PAK"

Again he looks at his reflection "Because I'm tall and because no matter what it takes I WILL be known once again as Tallest Red!"

And then he slips and his body came in contact with the water, isn't it just a wonderful sight to behold?

To Be Continued…

* * *

**_Well that's enough for now, hope you all enjoyed this chapter, yes I know I'm moving it to fast for the ZAGR relationship but I'm doing it because I want to get straight to the point._**

**_I also told ya Red was gonna have a role in this story but if you are Tallest Red fan then you might not like the next few chapters, also Gir won't have a role in this fic until the drama gets more juicy, JSYK, I'm just doing it because I wanna make it serious for the first few chapters and THEN bring up the comic relief._**

**_Finally review me because I COMAND YOU!_**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off_**


	3. The Calm Before The Doom!

_Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, but Reb, Tallest Kijani and other future characters belong to me._

_

* * *

Chapter three: _

"You know maybe his childhood scars is _partly_ the cause of why our world is being destroyed" reasoned a scrawny looking man.

"No, really?" do you think?" A redheaded woman hissed sarcastically, "Everyone kinda figured that out… moron"

"I WAS **NOT** TALKING TO YOU!" the man hollowed angrily.

"Oh? And I suppose _you_ were talking to yourself?" She retorted in equal anger "The boy's habits kinda messed us as well" she said to herself in disgust.

_They both scowled menacingly at each other and a chuckle reached both of their ears, it annoyed them when the a chuckle, giggle or anything that made the old woman in front of them happy was heard, it meant she had something in mind and that wasn't a good thing for any of her minions._

"What are you smiling at Bitters!" the younger woman snarled, her tone low and deathly, she was met with a glare that could scare even Senor Diablo himself but she was so used to her boss doing it that she just shrugged it off and waited for her to tell her and her _"friend"_ what was on her deranged mind.

"It's amazing how one bad judgment can not only make our little brat more miserable but us as well" Bitters said in a kind and wise voice that _really_ disturbed the other two _freaks_ to say the least.

"Leave the intellectual bullshit aside, and come up with something to solve our freaking problem shall we?" the purple eyed man said like he really cared while it was quite obvious he did not.

_Yet another chuckle came annoying the skinny male, he decided to look out the window and ignore his boss until he could get out of the crumbling building._

"_Ugh, how's this for ironic, what made him miserable is making US miserable_" the less creepy female thought sardonically. _"Wait… she just said that! Damn that woman, damn her straight to hell!_" She thought murderously now _"She ALWAYS has to mess us up more than we already are"._

"That's why I want this fixed" Bitters said, oblivious to the bloody murder insults going through the redhead's mind.

"Fixed? How?" The man asked, now looking away from the broken window.

"I don't know and I don't care, but we _ARE_ going to find a way"

"And by we, of course you mean, me and my _friend_ here" the pale redhead said irritated, pointing at herself then at her companion.

The creepy old woman smirked darkly "Of course, and don't forget, he may be smart but he has a weakness, use it to get anything useful out of him".

"I think I know how we can get him to talk" the younger woman said sinisterly, opening one of her squinted eyes.

_Her companion looked at her quizzically._

"Of all the times you visited the boy, what makes you think he'll trust you now?" the man asked.

"I don't, that's the fun part" The pale woman said in amusement.

He raised an eyebrow and then smirked evilly "Then let's go shall we?"

"Let's"

_

* * *

Zim's House: _

_Zim lies in bed, Gaz's head resting on his chest in a peaceful slumber. He looked down at her face, he smiled, last night was a night that neither would forget, a night that HE wouldn't forget even if he wanted to. _

"And I _REALLY_ don't want to" Zim thought satisfied.

_It was painfully obvious that Zim and Gaz had one hell of a night, the Irken put his arms around the Human and held her slightly pressed to himself... some more, the Irken turned his head to the floor were both his and Gaz's clothes were, he smirked._

_He then turned his head to face Gaz and marveled at the amount of sleep the Earthlings required, once Zim landed on Earth he discovered that humans needed at least eight hours of sleep so they could feel rested and start another horrible day, and because he had a PAK he didn't require sleep, he remembers creating a chip that he would add to his PAK so he could experience it, and once he finished it he tried it but he didn't liked it because he couldn't control himself in sleep mode and mostly because he woke up screaming, why? Believe the author when he says you don't wanna know, so anyway he ended up taking the chip out and destroying it, that thing haunted his very being but mostly because he was horrified that Gir would try to install it again._

"_I almost dismantled him for that!"_ Zim thought regretfully.

_After Gaz felled asleep he just stayed in bed thinking of how lucky he was of seeing her again, he also thought of all the Irken rules he broke last night, but then again he wasn't a part of the Empire anymore so he didn't really care._

_Without a reason he kissed her cheek, and looked at his alarm clock, it was 10:20, and it was Saturday morning so he didn't have work until his Boss needed him for a mission._

"If I'm lucky I won't have any for the rest of the weekend".

_The ex-invader crawled out of bed, leaving the human female alone._

"I hate the Earth mornings" Zim groaned.

_The Irken walked to his closet and got dressed, he had many black trench coats so he put one on, underneath his coat he put a red shirt (of course he had to take off his PAK to do that) and he also grabbed a pair of black pants and started to look for his boots and once he found them he put them on._

_Zim opened the door of his old room and got out, he walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen._

"I wonder what would the Gaz-human like to eat?" Zim questioned himself just as he was opening the door to the fridge.

"Squeak!"

"_**AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

"Squeak!"

"MiniMoose!" Zim scowled "What the fuck are you dong inside the refrigerator!"

_The purple moose squeaked holding a spoon and a plate._

"**_YOU DIDNT WANT YOUR ICE SCREAM TO MELT_**!" He bellowed madly, his left eye twitching uncontrollably.

_MiniMoose squeaked happily as he put a mouthful of ice cream in his mouth._

"Help me" Zim whispered to himself in annoyance.

_Another squeak came out of adorable moose._

"What do you mean we have a visitor?" The confused Irken asked.

"Squeak!" MiniMoose said pointing at the living room with the spoon.

_Zim walked to the direction his remaining sidekick pointed and saw a black S.I.R Unit sitting on the couch._

His jaw dropped "You?"

Right in front of him, sitting in his couch was the black S.I.R Unit he designed long ago for Gaz "I believe this is where my Mistress spend the night" the robot said smoothly.

"You're Mistress?" Zim said abruptly.

"Yes my mistress…. Gaz" The robot said annoyed.

"Oh she's upstairs." Zim answered pointing at the stairs.

_The black S.I.R got up from the couch and whooshes to the stairs and moves around the house in a blur of motion, (similar to Mimi)._

"Wow for a robot build with human technology it has the agility of a regular Irken S.I.R Unit" He stated, obviously impressed.

_Zim returned to the kitchen, the tiny purple moose was now out of the fridge and helped his master look in the fridge and every place where food could be stored for anything to eat until they decided on waffles (since it was one of the few earth food Zim could actually digest)._

Without a warning a very familiar voice was heard "_You look like you need waffles, poop poop poooop!"_

Zim started to shake uncontrollably "Damn it" He swore "I swear, every time I hear Gir's voice it's like he's trying to drive me insane even when he no longer here!"

"I always knew you would consider yourself sane" Came a soothing feminine voice.

_Zim and MiniMoose turned to meet Gaz (with clothes on); she had a malicious smirk on her face and both eyes open, revealing her amber eyes, but of course she only had then open for a minute or so._

"Gaz when did you woke up?" Zim said.

"When I heard the screaming" Gaz answered bored.

He blushed "Oh"

_MiniMoose looked like he wanted to squeak out something but Zim gave him a glare._

_Reb came down the stairs and got next to Gaz._

Zims red eyes got locked with the robot's greenish-yellowish ones "How did you know Gaz would be here?"

"If you must know she has a tiny device on her car so that I can know where she is at all times" Reb stated dryly.

"Nice robot" Sarcasm evident in his voice "Did you by any chance give her that personality?" Zim marveled at the last comment.

Gaz snorted, "Hardly, she developed that personality by herself"

"Oh really?" He looked at her not really believing his human friend.

Gaz rolled her amber eyes, noticing that MiniMoose was doing something with flour and other food things that she couldn't identify "Zim, what is your moose doing?"

"Eh?" he turned around, "oh he's making waffles… want some?"

"Sure" The blue haired woman said in a bland tone.

_All four_ _of them started to make the waffles and once they finished they started to eat, _(at least Gaz and Zim did).

"So I guess you grown an immunity to waffles, how _lovely._"

Zim looked at Gaz like she was an alien. (Look at the irony).

"How did you know I've eaten waffles before?" He asked skeptically.

Gaz smirked "My idiot brother asked your little robot-dog to put a spy camera inside your old green house and he saw you eat waffles, seriously he needed to get a life".

_Zim couldn't help but smirk at that last comment._

"_Pathetic human larva" he though smugly._

"Plus he also told me about a giant flesh-eating demon squid and that you got attacked by cyborgs, must say I actually wished I could have seen that"

"Oh right I totally blocked that out" said Zim, cringing "I swear, I got scarred for life when the damn squid tried to bite my head off"

_Gaz giggles, making everyone at the table stop eating and stare at the scary pale woman._

After a few minutes of staring, Gaz finally exploded "_WHAT?"_

"You… giggled" Reb and Zim said at the same time, eyeing her like she lost her mind.

"And?"

"Well the thing is, you never done that before" The ex-invader said, feeling rather uncomfortable at the moment.

"True…. and you care why?"

Zim realized he was acting like an idiot because of something that wasn't really important so he stopped staring at her and chocked out pathetically "I don't" and then kicked himself mentally.

_Gaz giggled again._

_MiniMoose looked at the other robot straight in the eyes and squeaked._

"I know it scares me too" Reb whispered back.

_Once they all finished eating, Zim showed Gaz the rest of his house, while MiniMoose showed Reb the neighborhood. _

"Down here is the laboratory with the most advance technology your planet has to offer… which of course isn't very good, so I the amazing ZIM! Modified a couple of Those Earth devices so I could work a little better" Zim gave an incredibly proud outburst because he was able make something that no one else on the planet could manage to do.

_Gaz nodded and eventually saw a machine that caught her eye, she walked towards it and realized that it was Gir or what was left of the little dysfunctional S.I.R Unit, there was a huge hole in his chest, his left arm was replaced with a claw looking one, much like Mimi's (because when Zim tried to repair Gir for the first time he accidentally blew the arm to pieces), his once blue eyes were now black and he really, really needed to be polish, she touched the top of his head and she accidentally opened it, revealing a S.I.R Unit Memory Disk, Gaz grabbed the disk, she began to inspect it and eventually she thought that this thing could replay Gir's memories but to do that she needed Irken technology and since Zim no longer communicated with the Empire she doubted he had anything that could decode the disk so the only other choice would be Skoodge or better yet, she could put the disk in Reb's head and play the memory so that she could see what happened to Gir before he "died"._

"Gaz?" Zim's voice broke her train of thoughts and immediately hided the memory disk in her left side pocket.

"You know, if you were just pretending to look interested in my pointless rambling of how ingenious I truly am then could you at least tell me so I don't…" He said approaching her and halted when he noticed the body of his rusty unmoving sidekick, Gaz turned around looking nonchalant and noticed the anger and frustration in the Irken's crimson eyes, she apparently woken up some unwanted memories in the Irken's defective PAK, Gaz was about to say something but the alien beat her to it.

"You know most Invaders would have sent their S.I.R Units to their doom in order to save themselves, instead Gir saved my life by taking the bullet without even thinking about the consequences."

"He was one hell of a robot" She firmly said, putting a hand on the alien's shoulder.

_Zim starts laughing evilly and insanely, making Gaz snatch her arm away from him and question his sanity, that is IF he even had any to begin with._

When he finally got himself to small chuckles, he said "I don't think that would be the _correct_ term to describe Gir but I think he was a faithful robot in his own weird way" the ex-invader got a tear of laugher out of his eye.

_Gaz fought down the urge to smile and instead smirked at the comment, a thought popped in to her mind._

"So, tell me Zim, if you still had the chance to destroy all mankind would you take it?"

Confused by the sudden change of subject he simply raised one would-be eyebrow in contemplation and said "Hell yeah, I may be stuck on this _horrible_ planet for the rest of my life but I still _loathe_ the human race."

Gaz nodded "But tell me, do you hate _your _race?"

"The almighty Zim sees no reason to still be loyal to them" He spoke in a monotone voice, not really knowing where this conversation was heading and not really understanding it either.

"Well then I guess you and I can relate"

"Eh? She can relate to _me_? That's something I never thought I would hear from anyone, especially her!" Zim thought in disbelief, but instead he demanded "What exactly do you mean by that Dib-sister?"

"Ok, one don't you DARE call me that again and two I also see no reason to remain within my own race." She said as she lifted one finger and then another one.

"But you have no reason to hate my people!"

"At least not yet, so let's keep it that way shall we?" Gaz said mischievously.

The smile on the extraterrestrial's face had to be the creepiest thing Gaz ever witnessed.

"Your one of a kind"

"_So are you" She thought._

_

* * *

Meanwhile Outside: _

_MiniMoose and Reb (in cat mode) are walking/floating and talking._

"Sooooooooooo MiniMoose, this Zim guy made you?" Reb said trying to start a conversation.

"Squeak!"

"I'll take that as a yes".

_MiniMoose looked annoyed and squeaked a few things that the author does not feel like translation._

"Is funny he didn't get a S.I.R Unit."

This time MiniMoose got angry and squeaked more colorful insults.

"Ok, ok, calm down I didn't know, I just figured it was logical for him getting a robot slave to aid him in his mission is all, I didn't know he was destroyed!.

"Squeak!"

"Ok, fine, I'm sorry" Reb said, not really meaning the apology.

_When the purple moose was about to squeak angrily at the cynical robot a voice as heard._

"_Are you sure no one is going to find out I'm on this planet?"_

"Squeak!"

Reb shoot some sticky green goop at Minimoose´s mouth to shut him up, she then motioned with her holographic cat claw to follow her as she silently crawled to where the mysterious voice was heard.

"_I'm certain that almost all the Irken Empire doesn't even remember, cares or acknowledges that Earth even exists, so unless Tallest Kijani is paranoid enough to put a monitoring device in** EVERY** Irken vessel, I'd say you are pretty safe" A voice in the communicator replied._

"Believe me Tenn she is _beyond_ paranoid" Red said rather disturbed.

Red's body language made the short female raise her antennae in confusion.

"My Tallest, are you sure you want to seek help from _him_?" Invader Tenn asked fearfully "I mean he is without a doubt the most **demented force in the universe!"**

"No" Tallest Red responded harshly "But right now I need all the help I can get if I want the Empire and the universe the way they are suppose to be… under my and Purple's control!"

"Talk about being mad with power" Reb commented dryly at MiniMoose, who was trying to get the green goop out of his mouth so he could squeak freely, at the moment they were both hiding in some bushes and obviously they were eavesdropping on what the tall Irken and his accomplice were saying.

"But what if he doesn't agree to help?" The short female blurted out rather determined to get her leader to come up with another plan.

"He's Irken, he WILL help" Red said as if he just explained the whole thing.

"But what if…"

"_**TENN! ENOUGH WITH THE GODDAMN QUESTIONS! LOOK I KNOW HES AN IDIOT! I KNOW HE CAN SAY NO TO THIS! BUT HE IS STILL AN IRKEN AND IM FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT HE WILL AGREE WITH YOU, ME AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WE DO NOT WANT THE UNIVERSE TO END!"**_

After and awkward silence, Red spoke again "Do I make myself clear?"

"The short Invader nodded grudgingly "Yes my Tallest"

"Good"

_Luckily for both of them, Tenn was still encoded as an Invader so the current Tallest didn't have any reason to keep an eye on her which suited her and Red just fine, to be more exact she was secretly helping the overthrown leader because she didn't like the new Tallest, why? Well she was present when Kijani betrayed Red and Purple by destroying their images._

"_I cannot believe that bitch took complete control of **EVERY PLANET UNDER IRKEN CONTROL!** Without even trying!" the short female thought bitterly "Then again she can be very manipulative"._

_This was true, Kijani had a way to get whatever she wanted, she weaseled herself in order to get an Invader status a few years ago and one day without an explanation at all, she reached the same height as Red and Purple, needless to say that most of the Irkens just shrugged the whole ordeal as a growth spurt, but Tenn was suspicious of her._

_In other words Tenn was the only Invader, hell she was the only Irken besides the overthrown Tallest that knew of Kijani_'s _deranged plan to sign a fake treaty and steal the objects that were under Meekrob custody, that's was the MAIN reasons she was secretly helping Red, she still had doubts about the whole suicide mission but she knew that if there was still something to be done, then its better to act than to do nothing at all._

_Speaking of Red, he was having his own thoughts, thoughts about past and recent events, he knew that convincing the Irken defective would not be an easy task, Tenn was right that Zim could still be angry at the way he became even more of a laughingstock because of him and his brother, but it was still worth a shot, he desperately needed help because he knew he couldn't possibly do this alone, ok fine, asking Zim for help was beyond desperate but he ran out of options, he was lucky enough to get prisoner 777 to reluctantly agreed to get him out of Irk and even more when he found out that at least one of his people believed him._

"Now Tenn I need you to..."

_But the transmission was cut and instead of seeing the Irken Invader, two big green eyes came into the screen"_

"_Hello Red, how you been?"_

_He Froze._

"You!" He spat out venomously "How in the hell did you find me!"

"I didnt" The mysterious voice stated "But that Vortian prisoner was _very_ cooperative if you know what I mean"

"That traitor!" Red shouted helplessly "I thought he would keep it a secret!"

Those green eyes rolled in annoyance "Obviously you didnt undestood what I meant but he keep his promise... sort of"

"What the hell do you want? Isn't making me a criminal and a traitor in the eyes of our race enough to satisfy your insanity!"

_An evil chuckle was heard._

"_No, my dear Red" The female voice taunted "I never imagined it would come to this, after what I did to you and your brother I thought I broke your spirit"_

"Then you need a lot more practice" He sneered "I done horrible things to other lowly alien life and even survived that _delightful_ torture chamber you designed for The Massive."

_The female snickered evilly._

"Maybe so, but there's one thing even you can't survive" The voice told Red happily.

"What?"

**_BOOM!_**

"Death,"

"There he is!" An accented voice accused harshly _**"GET HIM!"**_

"_**AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

_

* * *

_

_I bet you didn't expect that, did ya?_

_Ok, sorry for the looooooooooooooong wait but as you can see I had the whole summer to spend with a few of my family members and it was rather wicked and at times annoying, anyway my fellow readers the next update won't take long but it could be a rather short chapter ... or not, that's the thing I like about doing fics, I love to drive my readers insane._

_Anyway I apologize once again, this time because this chapter didn't have any action but I just planned it this way because I want to give Red and Gaz some important roles in the story even though Zim is the main character here, but I promise that the next chapter will have some action and of course an explination as to why Red is being hunted down._

_Finally see if you can guess who are the two people who were talking to Ms Bitters at the begining of the chapter, if you guess correctly then I may eventually give you a prize like a cameo appearance in my fic._

_Invader Johnny Signing Off._


	4. Earth Joins The Doomed Wars! Neat!

_Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to the one and only Jhonen Vasquez, I only own Reb and whatever future OC I may come up with for this deranged fic._

_Ok first of all I wanna apologize for the long, long wait, but as some of you know I have college and I barely have any time for updates, but I wont give up on the fic, I'm gonna finish it even if it kills me! Which it seems pretty likely._

_Second of all just to make it up for the wait this will be an extremely long chapter, enjoy and don't forget to leave me reviews, I love those._

_I also have one very special surprise to **still** make up for the long wait._

_Now without further ado on with the story._

* * *

_**Chapter Four:**_

_Reb and MiniMoose just stared at what was happening right in front of them, out of nowhere a ship appeared and started shooting lasers at the cowering alien, it was kind of a weird turn of events that an Irken vessel would appeared at the very moment that Red and the mysterious female ended talking but neither of the two robots had the chance or interest to think about it, instead they just kept hidden in the bushes and enjoyed a once in a life time show._

"Squeak"

"Your right" Reb acknowledged "He is in some deep, DEEP shit" a catlike smile appeared on her holographic disguise "And I thought this was going to be a _horrible_ day".

"_**!"** As everyone could imagine Red ran as fast as his legs would allow, the sad part about this was that because he was not used to walking in over half a century due to his Tallest outfit he keep tripping over stuff like he was a baby learning his first steps for the first time, it was a pathetic sight to behold, but luckily _(or unluckily depending on your POV)_ for the guy every time he hits the floor a laser missed him, much to the disappointment of the secret audience and the "bounty hunters". _

_Another major setback about this was that Red had forgetting that he was in a planet where no one knew aliens existed and he obviously had forgotten to make a disguise for himself and to make things more frustrating, he was being chased by his very own people, neat huh?_

Red spits out some grass that was in his mouth "Why me?" He whined "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"_**Kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him!" **a modified S.I.R Unit was jumping up and down, she was either way too hyper or way too exited._

"_**WHAT DO YOU THINK IM TRYING TO DO?"** A short purple eyed Irken snarled, _"This is harder than it looks!".

"NUH-UH" The little robot said all matter of fact-ly "You just suck".

The female Irken growled angrily and immediately slapped the robot on the head, this action caused the S.I.R's light blue eyes to turn bloody red, she saluted her mistress and apparently had no memory of the annoyance that she was a second ago, this little fact was something that caused a great amount of mirages to her creator.

"TAK!"Another Irken spoke, "Stop using the death cannon, your just wasting ammunition!" this one hiding in the shadows.

"Well how _ELSE_ are we gonna kill him then?" irritation evident in her voice "I'm willing to hear any suggestions".

The male Irken step forward revealing nothing more than his purple eyes, his green face covered by a brown mask, even thought Tak couldn't see the expression on his face. She knew he had a cruel smirk behind the mask.

"With our very own hands" He answered sinisterly.

The female Irken smiled a real smile for the first time in decades.

Both aliens laugh maniacally.

* * *

_Meanwhile:_

Silence, for the first time they actually noticed that not a sound could be heard, Zim and Gaz weren't used to it, normally because of their constant rambling from other people in their lives, it was an awkward thing to experience for the first time

_**BOOM!**_

"Do_ ALL good things have to end so quickly?" _Gaz thought annoyed.

"What the hell was that?" Zim demanded, looking startled.

Both adults ran from the basement to where the explosion was heard, they where now in the house level, Zim told Gaz to wait in the kitchen while he went to investigate.

She crossed her arms and said indiferently "Like I'm going to listen to him _now_"

She followed the alien.

The Irken ran to the living room and was irritated to see a huge hole in the wall of the his house.

"Damn it, not this again"

He goes out through the hole and notices that a three got chopped down and some people were getting out of their houses, Zim got closer to the burned wood and inspect it.

"A laser was used" He mutters "Humans dont have this kind of technology"

He sctaches the back of his head and before he could ponder anything else he realizes that he was out of disguise in a neighborhood full of potential prying eyes, he quickly gets back in so he can get his wig and contacts.

Suddenly another explosion is heard, Zim got his spider legs out of his PAK and exited through the window.

_"What in the blue fuck is going on here?"_ The defective thought in exasperation as he ran to the streets, he bumps into another person and they both hit the concrete.

Now Zim having over 159 Earth years of experience in the Irken army had the habit of tensing up immediately, ready for any kind of task that would prove his superiority in the eyes of his leaders and the Empire, only to end up failing miserably, not that he really noticed his horrible failures of course. He pushed those depressing thoughts away and faced whoever knock him down, ready to use any human for his misplace aggression.

"Hey watch where you're going you stupid little worm… baby?" Zim heart skipped a beat and saw none other than his ex-leader, Tallest Red. This of course made Zim experience two emotions that he hadn't felt since Gir's "death"… Anger and hatred, blood boiling through his veins and of course gloved hands turning into fists.

"_You"_ he growled dangerously, his left eye twitching uncontrollably.

Red met the eyes of the defective he hadn't seen in over a decade, not realizing that he had entered a more dangerous ground.

**"ZIM!"** the former leader said "for the first time EVER I AM glad to see you" He got up "Listen you gotta…"

The slightly taller Irken never got a chance to finish what he was about to say because his face met Zim's fist.

"Oww… holy fuck… This is not how things are suppose to start... Oww that hurt!". He was massaging the spot where his nose should be.

"What the hell are you doing here? Zim demanded, getting ready to punch Red several times until he either ended up in terrible pain or dead (guess which one is the thought Zim wants right now and I'll give ya a cookie!).

"There he is!" Tak bellowed, getting a laser gun out of her PAK and getting ready to shoot, (_persistent girl wouldn't you agree?)._

"Does that answer your question Zim?"

"Ahhhhhhhh aliens run for your lives!" One of the neighbors got out of his shock to scream in terror and started running around like a headless chicken.

The other humans did the same, Zim and Red just stared at them in disgust.

MiniMoose and Reb continued to watch the "show". Reb was getting bored because no nothing exiting was happening so far **"COME ON! IS ANYONE GONNA DIE OR WHAT!" **She cried, MiniMoose on the other hand noticed something that his companion hadn't.

"Squeak!"

"What do you mean?" Reb said _"_The only humans I see are just running around in circles and…"

Her greenish-yellowish eyes widened in horror "Oh dear fuck no... NO... NO... NOO!"

The black S.I.R Unit got out of her disguise and ran towards Zim's house with MiniMoose not to far behind **_"WHAT THE FLYING HELL IS SHE DOING?"_**

"Tak, pilot the vessel; I'll go and strangle that traitor!" Sizz-Lorr said.

"Yes Sir!" Tak saluted.

Sizz-Lorr takes off his mask and grabs another one that look exactly as the previous one, he puts it over his face, he then gets his jetpack out of his PAK and flies down to destroy his intended target.

_Meanwhile Gaz is seeing everything trough the broken wall _"no freaking way I'm staying inside" _she thought bitterly and then she runs towards the battle._

"I'm coming Red, you traitor! No use running!" the Fry-lord hollowed.

"Oh shit, what's he doing here?" Zim said fearfully.

"He's trying to kill me!" Red cried out.

Zim stared at him blankly "And that's bad because…?"

Before Red could give a nasty comeback Sizz-Lorr gives a loud "Indian war cry" as he jumps down over the two other Irkens, but before he could crush them, Gaz ran over and pull them both and herself out of the way.

Sizz-Lorr lands, creating a huge hole in the grass.

"Who's that guy?" Gaz asked once they all stop rolling on the ground, a few seconds later she finally noticed that she found herself pinned to the ground by Zim, face to face, she blushed and tried to look away _"Ok this is… nice but WAY awkward" _she thought.

"Someone I thought I never had to see again" her "boyfriend" explained, also noticing the _interesting_ situation he found himself in _"Ok NOW the big guy upstairs is just trying to mock me… or is he?" _He thought.

"Um.."

"Ah."

"Heh…."

"O...K…"

All that said they stared at each other wordlessly for a few more painful but still pleasurable moments.

"Uhhhhh what just happened?" A voice asked, ultimately breaking the moment.

Gaz notices the other alien she had apparently saved, she recognized him as one of the Irken Empire's leaders and suddenly an irrational rage went through her body, this of course made Zim get up thinking he just pissed off Gaz while in reality her anger was directed at the other Irken.

Before he could apologize, Gaz screeched "What is _HE _doing here?"

The Irken defective felt relief_ "So she is not gonna kill me… That's good" _and said out loud instead "That's what I wanna know myself".

Meanwhile the masked frycook got out of the hole and focus his anger on whoever has cost him his kill and froze when he saw Zim "It can't be" He whispered "You were suppose to be dead!".

"I was _**NEVER**_ dead!" Zim answered rather annoyed "And even if I was, I would STILL be alive **_FOR I AM ZIM AND I AM UNKILLABLE_**!"

Red and Gaz stare at him incredulously.

_"There goes again"_ the blue haired female thought in annoyance _"He's talking in third person again, he so needs to work on that"._

The Frylord screamed as he jumped out of the hole apparently he still remembers the pain the little defective put him through.

The trio looked at Sizz-Lorr as he was getting ready to strike.

"Stay here Gaz"

"Sure you get all the fun" She says getting up from the floor, her cheeks still blushing.

Zim raised an invisible eyebrow at her and said "You really are a sadistic human you know that?".

"I'm not sadistic" Gaz remarked "I just take extreme pleasure from the pain and discomfort of those around me."

Zim stares at her for a few seconds,_ "Why does THAT turn me on?" _he wonders to himself and then he gets out his spider legs and goes to fight his former boss.

Meanwhile Red was baffled to say the least, he had just been saved by a human but he was more surprised by the fact that Zim has gotten taller, he experienced a small amount of pain and groaned, he looked up to meet the angry face of the human female.

"Get up" she ordered coldly.

"I do NOT take orders from inferior alien scum" Red growled.

"Ok then, you can just stay on the ground and wait for death or for Zim to get back" She said nonchalant "either way I end up with your blood on my hands".

The Irken's eyes widened in growing horror, he grumbled some thing in his native tongue as he got up and was about to yell things at Gaz but she had disappeared.

Meanwhile on the Shloogorgh ship, Mimi appears next to Tak and sees the commotion.

"Mimi, go and help Sizz-Lorr!" Tak ordered, her voice dry, she had apparently been screaming bloody murder after she saw that her long time foe was still alive and kicking.

Mimi salutes and spins around and when she's done, she's in cat mode, "the cat" slides over to the door and jumps out of the ship.

Sizz-Lorr was about to land right on top of his ex-leader and crushing his bones on the process but was stopped by Zim who had used lasers from his utility PAK, the action made Sizz-Lorr collide with a tree. He got up cuts the tree in anger and starts to use his spatula to shoot beams directly at his previous slave drone.

Just as Zim was about to use his PAK yet again,_ a _fireball hits Sizz-Lorr in the chest and knocked him to the ground, it took him a few seconds to realize that his pants were on fire, he screamed in agony.

_"**MY ASS! MY ASS IN ON FIRE!"**_ Just as he screamed this, he felt more pain, now his BODY was now on fire, he began to roll over on the ground trying to rid himself from the painful flames from hell, while still screaming bloody murder.

"What the…?" Zim stared in confusion at the unexpected yet welcoming sight. He turned around to see that his "girlfriend" had somehow thrown a fire thing to the now burning alien.

"I told you that I get pleasure from the pain and discomfort of others around me" Gaz said cruelly, her hands getting ready to shoot more fireballs.

"_The Gaz-human is full of surprises" _Zim thought in amusement, but before he could think more about Gaz's unique destructive fire abilities, Mimi came down and attacked Zim.

"**_Aaaargghh! Get it off me! Get it off MEEEEEEEEEE!"_**

Sizz-Lorr was now on his feet again, his clothes and skin were horribly burned, the only thing that could indicate that he was beyond pissed was the fact that he was shaking and the purple blood in his arms and clothes just made him look scarier.

He got ready to shoot the Goth woman with his spatula but again he was attacked, this time by Reb who launched at the massive alien, her clawed hands going inside his mask, he lost whatever common sense he had left at that moment, the constant pain can only do so much to a guy, he grabbed Reb and threw her across the front yard, she collided with Gaz and this caused unwanted pain to the blue haired human.

"Just to verify" Reb started "this is your fault".

_"**DOOMSDAY DEVICE ACTIVATED!"** A deep voice boomed before Gaz had the chance to reply her S.I.R Unit._

_Needless to say that everyone stopped whatever they were doing and looked at the purple moose._

_MiniMoose unfolds into a horrifying array of weaponry. _

"Wow I wish I could do that" Reb pouted in jealousy.

MiniMoose glows and shoots towards the ship Tak was piloting, but unluckily for you readers she avoided each death laser that was being fired her way.

"**BOOM!"**

"**What in the flying fuck!" **Tak snarled as she kept avoiding the lasers.

MiniMoose attacks again but this time he's going to shoot Mimi

The "cat" looks at the deathly moose with terror in her eyes.

He shoots but Mimi escapes and the laser was going to shoot Zim.

"Zim!" Gaz screamed, her hands getting ready to use her fire powers.

MiniMoose gives a horrified squeak.

Zim is too shocked to move, but Red pulls him away, the laser hits a house.

Both Irkens rolled in the ground until they stopped Red panting like crazy while Zim stared at him in disbelief "What the…?" he squeaked "Did you… Just save me?"

"THIS… only adds to the irony of how desperately I need help" Red croaked.

"If this wasn't a serious moment I would laugh myself into a comma right about now" Zim thought as he readjusted his wig.

Sizz-Lorr was gonna use their distraction as a way to kill them both once and for all BUT once again he was hit by Gaz's fireball, this time however, he used his spatula as a shield and fired a laser at her, she of course jumped out of the way, she keep doing this for a while since the deranged fry-lord keep shooting, trying to kill her, Zim would not let that happened and did something that he wanted to do for decades, he got his spider legs inside his PAK and instead of some high-tech Irken device he got a piece of meat out of there, he threw it at Sizz-Lorr, who was too busy shooting beams at the female human to notice.

The big piece of poisous Earth food was being hurled on his way, it was about to hit him but luckily (or unluckily) it was vaporized thanks to Tak and her laser gun, she smiled evilly.

"Not this time Zim" She snarled in a low dangerous voice "Not this time".

The massive alien smirked, distracted by the save, he didn't notice that Gaz had somehow appeared right in front of him, she punched him incredibly hard on the jaw sending him flying many, many yards away and eventually he collided with a gas truck that had magically appeared out of nowhere, destroying it in the process.

Sizz-Lorr opens his purple eyes in time to see that yet another fireball was heading his way, he jumped a few inches away from it but not enough because the gas that had spilled all over the street exploded.

"SIZZ-LORR!" Tak screamed dramatically "Wait… why I'm I screaming I hate the guy".

Everyone seemed to breath better when they say the truck explode, obliterating the masked frycook, but unfortunately the felling didn't last long because a beam of energy shoots Gaz, sending her flying and hitting the hard cold ground.

"**GAZ!"**

"**MISTRESS!"**

"**SQUEAK!"**

Right at that moment a masked head got out of the roaring fire, followed by the body, Sizz-Lorr had apparently made an energy shield to protect him using his PAK.

Gaz tries to get up but couldn't, Zim and Reb ran towards her and got her to her feet, her squinted eyes now open, more irrational rage going through her veins, she heard a gasp and saw her black robot pointing at her stomach, she looked down and saw blood, _her_ blood.

"_No"._

Zim saw the fear in her eyes and quickly got a device out of his PAK, he was gonna check for any injuries but Reb stopped him, he looked at the S.I.R questionably.

"I'll take it from here" She said in a voice that said she was NOT going to argue about this.

Zim was about to argue anyway but before a word came out of his mouth, a clawed hand took the device out of his hands "If you wanna help then I advice you to hurt the guy who hurt my mistress" Reb raged as she turned on the machine and started pressing buttons.

Zim raised an eyebrow at the sudden change of tone and gave a disgusted groan _"All women are the same no matter what species"_ he thought.

Red being the only one that was not fighting decided it was a good time to run away in hopes that he wouldn't get caught, he thought wrong because Mimi followed him into the park he had originally come from, MiniMoose noticed this and followed them, unaware of the incident that just occurred.

Zim did what he was told and was face to face with his most hated enemy (besides Dib) an intense glare was sent and one given in return.

"I wanted to do this for a long time you bastard!" the disguised defective cried "Look at me! I'M TALL! I'M TALLER THAN YOU!" He gloated. His arms right above his head "LOOK AT MY TALLNESS! WHOO!"

Sizz-Lorr was not too pleased when he realized this "**HOW IN THE NAME OF IRK DID YOU GET SO TALL!"**

Zim smirked "Living on Earth has its advantages".

* * *

Meanwhile Reb was still checking on Gaz (who was now bandaged), the robot's greenish-yellowish eyes going to her mistress and back to the device many times until a happy_ musical _tone that sounded like "pop goes the weasel" was heard from it.

"Ok that's just an odd thing for a medical device thing to do" Reb mussed, Gaz on the other hand didn't care about it and just shoot the robot a nasty glare that said "give me good news NOW OR else".

"Well your internal organs are ok and no _permanent_ damage was made"

"But what about…?"

"I checked… It's fine".

Gaz didn't realize she was holding her breath as she waited for the news, said woman then grew angry again, you could bet she wasn't pleased with her current situation "When I get better and I WILL get better I'll remove whatever organs that guy has by hand and then I will dance on his deformed corpse and burn his eyes out"

Reb gave a step back, scared at the creepy things she just heard.

* * *

Tak was getting impatient so she decided to watch Mimi fight with he tiny purple moose in the control panel's computer screen, she was eating the Irken equivalent of popcorn and was screaming every now and then like a fan of wrestling "Come on Mimi show him whose boss!"

She saw on the screen MiniMoose dodge a blast and he threw a rock at her, it hit her head and her eyes turn blue once again, Mimi reverted back to her more annoying self and started to scare dance for no apparent reason "I'm a mongoose!" She declared"

Red and MiniMoose looked at each other skeptically while Tak just began crying dramatically "Damn you Zim... damn you straight to hell!"

* * *

"I must know Zim… why are you of all people helping former Tallest Red?" Sizz-Lorr asked with mild curiosity.

"Helping?" He cried in disbelief "I am NOT helping that... what a minute did you say former tallest?"

"Oh you dont know?" The frycook asked faking interest "He is no longer leader of the Empire and now he is hiding like the coward he really is"

"That's... sick"

Sizz-Lorr nooded in agreemend "That it is, so I ask again **_WHY_** are you helping him?"

"I'm NOT helping that space maggot!"

"Well considering you have been preventing me from slaughtering him I just assumed he must have bribed you just to keep me at bay".

**_"ASIDE FROM HIS COWARDICE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WANT TO KILL HIM!"_**

"You were always a terrible liar".

Sizz-Lorr then shoots an electronic net at Gaz, capturing her and sending a painfully high bolt of electricity to go through her now weak body, she yells in pain, and clutches her stomach; both Zim and Reb stare in shock.

"I AM going to break you in half!" Both Zim and Reb said at the exact same time and to add more creepiness the exact same dangerous tone of voice.

"Consider it payback for the stuff she did to me" The purple eyed Irken said with satisfaction evident in his voice, right before Zim or Reb could attack him, he shoots into the sky and enters his large vessel; Gaz who was still in excrusiating pain could not use her unholy powers to break through the net and had no other choice but to get dragged upon the Irken vessel.

Right before Sizz-Lorr enters the ship he yells out" If you wanna see the human girl alive again _Zim_, then I suggest you finish the job for me and kill Red!"

He then laughs evilly as the ship takes off into space, Mimi was apparently called back because she was seen going after the ship trying to catch up.

Zim and Reb were furious, not only because they couldn't free Gaz but because they were caught off guard several times whatever anger they had towards themselves it was immediately forgotten and they started to blame Red for this.

"_The attack… Red's fault… the destruction… Red's fault… the kidnapping... Red's fault, only one thing was in their minds MUST… KILL… THE … OTHER... GREEN... GUY._

_They both ran towards the place they saw him run too, the coward didn't even stay to fight his own fight._

Going back to the park both MiniMoose and the Ex-Tallest were both in front of the broken Vortian ship, Red was panting like crazy and MiniMoose squeaked I pain... don't ask me how he can feel I don't know, they had apparently managed to save their asses from instant annihilation at the hands if the modified S.I.R Unit, they both looked at different direction and when they didn't noticed any sign of the homicidal aliens they collapsed on the grass.

_

* * *

_

"No sign of them… I think I'm safe" The Irken thought closing his eyes.

"Are you? ... Are you really?".

He opened his eyes and immediately wished he didn't, he was faced with two deathly laser weapons aiming at his face.

_"__Zi.. Zi. Zi..m"_ He chocked out "_Wha… what are you doing?"._

"What I should have done the moment I saw you hideous face an hour ago you damn _flirk_".

Red's eyes widened at the word Flirk.

"I am NOT a coward!" He snarled.

Zim scoffed "Well considering you are no longer leader of our race and you tried to escape death then I say you ARE a coward"

**_"BUT I'M STILL THE TALLEST!"_**

"Not to me your not" Zim snarled "Now you die!"

"And knowing Zim here has a terrible aim I'll make sure that if he fails to kill you I will"

Ignoring Reb's insult, Zim got his gun ready and was enjoying the moment, after all these years he was going to get revenge... sweet, sweet revenge.

"Wait Zim" Red cried in terror "You can't kill me!"

"Oh? And why not?"

"Because that's what Kijani wants?"

"I don't even know who this Kijani is so I repeat _why not?_"

The lock in his weapon was unhooked, with one press of a button his ex-leader would be death and Gaz would be free... _hopefully._

"Because if I die… then not only Irk will be doomed but the universe too, this also includes this horrible blue planet" Red managed to spat out.

Zim froze for about a minute before a sligh chuckle escaped his lips then a full fledge sarcastic laugh "Nice try but I won't fall for your lies again", He said darkly "And besides even if I **_DID_** believed you, what makes you think I would help you? _OF ALL PEOPLE!"_

"First of all, Zim I wouldn't lie about something like this… And second as much as I **HATE** to admit this, you _are_ my last chance to stop Kijani from trying to obtain what once belonged to the Three Tallest".

This got Zim's attention, no longer having a homicidal glare on his face but instead a stare of confusion and shock "You **_BETTER_** start explain" he whispered "NOW!"

One thought went trough Reb's artificial mind _"Ok I was right, this will be a horrible day"_

* * *

**_Author Notes:_**

**_I told you I had a surprise, I bet you didn't expect Gaz to have spooky powers and Tak and Sizz-Lorr coming back didja?._**

**_Next chapter Dib and Skoodge will appear and you'll know WHY the Irken Empire wants Red dead, heh. _**

**_This my dear readers was one of the hardest chapters to write not only because of the fight scene but because I tried to use ideas that Jhonen would have thought off, for example the idea of Zim gloating about his height in a serious moment seemed like something he would do, he is just too arrogant. _**

**_Now like most of us IZ fans know that Dib was gonna be revealed to be nothing more than a clone of Prof. Membrane had the series not been cancelled, And after seeing the episode "Gaz; Taster Of Pork" a few weeks (and several times) after I knew of this, I decided to play with the idea that Gaz has pyrokinesis powers because she could have her unholy powers because she was also created by Prof. Membrane, I mean if you noticed in said episode, Gaz was able to float in mid air and produce fire to scare her brother. _**

**_On a slightly less interesting note the fight between Gaz and Sizz-Lorr was an allusion of one of the fights from the show Danny Phantom, heh, _**

**_Also Special Thanks to my friend Invader Aqua who has given me some kick ass reviews (also being the only reviewer out there that has threaten me just to get updates) and even thought she "copied" an idea I will eventually show in this story I have decided NOT to sue her and encourage her to continue writing "Unlikely Hero". _**

**_And finally a congrats for "The Star-Seal" for being the only one that came close to guessing who the creepy guys from my previous chapter were, expect a cameo of you eventually. _**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off. _**


	5. Enlisting Help And Stuff Part 1

**_"Throws confetti on all of you" YAY! HAPPY NEW YEAR! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAYS! Well I sure have, well anyway do to finally being able to have access to my computer again I decided to post the next chapter of my fucked up fic... well enjoy and dont forget to review or else I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND CLAW YOIR EYES OUT!_**

**_Sorry waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much come, interesting thing to note here is that it took me eight cans of coke to finish this chapter._**

* * *

_Chapter Five:_

_Washington D.C (a.k.a President Land):_

_An Irken probe _(like the one in Battle of the Planets) _stands on one of the buildings, it was very, VERY noticeable, but of course the human race was just too blind to even notice what was truly in front of them, The head region of the probe extends and looks around, taking snapshots with the lenses on its head.__ It takes pictures of a couple of humans walking on the streets, cars, traffic lights, the usual life of the busy human world until it finally sees the reason it was on the planet to begin with, a certain Irken came out of a white house, he is wearing a horrible human disguise _(A blue wig with red contacts),_ the probe jumps to another building to have a better look of the Irken, it takes some pictures, after a few minutes a beeping is heard, the probe's head gets inside the armor thing and flies into the sky making sure not to get notice by anyone, once it gets out of the Earth's atmosphere other probes catch up with the first one._

* * *

_Zim's House:_

Red took a deep breath. His deep, crimson orbs were half lidded and crestfallen as they analyzed the table, he was currently in Zim living room, after he finally managed to convince the former invader to listen to him.

One thing that amazed him was how gullible these humans were, since Red didn't have a disguise they just walk to Zim's house, said Irken lied to his neighbors by saying that the heat must have given them hallucinations and even lying further by telling them that Red was his _retarded_ distant cousin and was in 'costume' because he thought it was Halloween, needless to say the ex-tallest was not happy about that, he even felt _more_ humiliated when the humans gave him candy.

Zim entered the room (out of disguise) with a cup of coffee in hand and MiniMoose and Reb behind him, the defective sat down across from Red. "Ok then spill, why did you come to _me_, the worthless _worm_ of the Empire?".

Red was unfazed by Zim's anger "Who else could I turn to?"

"What about your brother? Or the rest of your followers? I'm sure they'd be _delighted_ to hear this."

A pitiful groan came from the other alien "Because Zim, horrible things have happened and the Empire now thinks of me as an enemy… a traitor! An…"

"…Outcast?"

Red lowers his head in shame "Yes".

The smirk on Zim's face lasted a few seconds then said with mild pity "Now you now how it feels" Red scowled darkly at the reply but said nothing to defend himself, there was no point right now.

"Zim what I'm about to tell you its probable the worst thing that has happened to the Empire… next to you of course".

Silence, no comment was made, no scream, not even a squeak was made, this of course did little to help the ex-leader feel less awkward and more confident.

"You see Zim this started when Kijani became a Co-Tallest like me and Purple about three years ago I think…"

* * *

_Flashback to Planet Devastis (3 years ago):_

"My Tallest, Sergeant Hobo 678 is here with news" The Advisor informed calmly.

"Let him in" Red said.

_The Hobo enters the large room with a few Irken soldiers, they all saluted "SIR!"_

"What you got for me Sergeant?"

"Sir!" the Hobo saluted "I received a transmission from Invader Kim"

"What does that damn Invader need now?"

"He doesn't need anything Sir, to be more accurate is what you need to know".

This got the Tallest's attention "What do you mean?"

"Sir… I don't know how to tell you this bur….The Planet Jackers made an attack on Irk and destroyed the palace" Sgt Hobo 678 said too fast to understand, but luckily or unluckily depending on your POV here Red understood every word.

"_**They….WHAT!"**_

'Yes. Apparently they attacked as soon as you left" The Military alien continued.

"How could this happen!" Red demanded "Many Vortian doomsday devices secured the palace and the surveillance would have alerted us of any kind of attack!"

Sir! They used IRKEN technology"

_Red smacked his forehead._

"That's the last time we share our technology with other races" He muttered angrily "I mean if you can trust your allies then on WHO can you trust!".

_The Hobo's mechanical lower jaw opened then closes, Red saw he was about to say something and asked._

"What?"

"I didn't say anything" Sgt. Hobo 678 said quickly.

"But you WERE about to".

"Um… No I wasn't."

_The face he made that to be the most pathetic look Red has EVER seen._

"Sergeant if there are MORE bad news I have to know this COULD mean another war for Irk's sake now I want you to reveal the information, and that's an order!"

_Sgt Hobo 678 was one of the bravest soldiers of his race but if there was one thing that he didn't want to do was to anger the leader of the most powerful Empire in the universe._

Red was getting impatient **"NOW!"**

"Sir….they kidnapped Tallest Purple after they attacked the Palace"

_Red exploded at what was just revealed. _"They did… WHAT?"

"They kidnapped…"

"I heard you the first time!" He snarled "Aw Goddamn it. I knew that leaving him alone was a horrible idea" he gave a groan of exasperation and then looked at the sergeant "Do you have ANY good news?".

"We may be able to get more allies."

"Who?"

"Invader Tenn has arranged a meeting with the Meekrob."

"Ok I specifically asked for good news!" He raged throwing a small object at the Hobo's head "Why would she do that? They are our sworn enemies!"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures Tallest Red" The Hobo said massaging where the object hit his head.

"I guess that's true" He acknowledged grudgingly "Sergeant I want you to call all the Invaders and tell them that I want their asses back on Irk, No one and I mean NO ONE messes with the Irken Empire!"

"Yes Sir!"

_The Sergeant leaves and the small Irken soldiers salute their leader and marched out of the office._

"What is the fucking point of asking the _Meekrob_ for help?" A hint of edge in his voice "They will sure to refuse".

"_What did Irk ever do to deserve such injustice"_ was his only thought then realized what he thought and smacked himself on the face, hard too.

_End Flashback._

* * *

"What happened next?" Reb spoke for the first time in a while.

The Irken closed his eyes as if he was re-living a nightmare "It was a set-up, they wanted both of us captured not just Purple, they _knew_ I was bound to take action, not only did I lose the battle but I lost my position as a trustworthy ruler"

"squeak!"

"I dunno what you just said" Red replied looking at the floating moose "But anyway after the Planet Jackers defeated us, they of course took me prisoner"

"But what happened to the Meekrob?" Zim asked "Surely they must have helped out… right?".

"No they didn't!" Red snapped "They in fact _helped_ the Planet Jackers and that's WHY we lost"

"OUCH" Zim and Reb cringed.

"Indeed".

"Squeak!"

"Well after all seemed lost Kijani then appeared, at first I thought she was gonna help us out but she revealed the was the one who _planned_ the invasion, she wanted me and Purple out of the way for her to rule the Empire by herself".

"Wait then does that mean that the Meekrob _knew _she planned the whole thing?"

"I'm… not sure" He admitted reluctantly, that was pretty much step one of her evil plan, she wants to gain the Meekrob trust so then SHE can set foot on their planet and gain one of the unspeakable devices of doom!"

It was Zim's turn to groan pitifully and hits his head on the table.

"So what ARE this destructive device thingy of doom" Reb asked skeptically "If this new Tallest went through all this trouble it must mean they are very powerful and it seems to me that she'll do whatever it takes to get them".

"Even frame me" Red finished "So you see Zim that's why I need you," He said trying to gain the ex-invader's attention "That's why I need support on this because there is no chance in hell I can do it alone, so are you in or not?"

Zim lifts his head and his crimson eyes glanced at Reb who was still waiting for an answer, the look he gave the robot told her that the would spill the beans later on, she in return siently gave him the fingler, he signs and then looks back to the desperate Irken in front of him.

"As much as I hate you and I still want to liquefy your organs" Zim said calmly "I guess I have no choice but to help you out".

Red grinned in victory.

"But…"

_"Oh great a But... I hate those" _Red thought angrily. "But?"

"Once I help you and this is all over you gotta remember one thing… you owe me... so I expect you to do a favor for me… I dunno when or what but you WILL repay me, understand?"

Red looked at him with his mouth open, as if suddenly he had gotten a second PAK _"When did he get so clever?" _He simply nodded.

"Good, now we need to give you a disguise"

"What for?"

"We're gong out, like you said, you can't possibly do this alone and with only me, Reb and MiniMoose helping I don't think the odds are on our side"

"What I minute!" the machine protested "When did _I_ agree to help this retard out?"

"Reb, one of the reasons I'm helping is because he HAS a ship and mine is not working properly so with the right equipment I should be able to make a better one... One that is able to _travel_ and that way we can rescue Gaz on the way"

Reb simply stared and then nodded grudgingly that he had thought things trough.

"_He HAS gotten smarter"_ Red marveled, _"just what the hell this planet did to him?"_

"Squeak!"

They all looked back at MiniMoose, for the first time ever he had a serious face "Squeak!"

"Uhhhh what did he just say?' Red asked.

"He wants to know what was the thing that this Kijani girl framed you for" Reb translated.

The Irken touched the scar under his eye and winced "Some things are better left unsaid".

Zim looked intrigued "Is that regret I'm seeing?" He taunted.

"No"

"Then if you feel no remorse then why not tell Zim what is it?" He asked, hoping to strike a nerve.

"Because is not of your business" Red snarled.

"Well correct me if I'm wrong here but since you _need_ my help I _need_ all the details, until them I'M NOT moving one finger" Zim snapped and sat down on the chair waiting for the ex-leader he onced admired to crack slowly.

Reb did the same and MiniMoose just floated and does a barrel roll out of boredom.

The Irken didn't seem like he was gonna say a word but then another thing came to mind _"I'm being outsmarted by Zim, ZIM!, the guy that never could do things right, now look at him, he's my only hope and he's using some sort of mind… trick to make me look stupid well I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction!"._

"I can wait allllllllllllllllll day you know" Zim said nonchalantly.

"OK FINE!" Red exploded.

Zim smirked "This psychology thing the humans have really works, I should have thought of using this when I…."

He intended to finish with the words _"When I was an Invader"_ but then he remembered, he wasn't an invader when he first arrived on Earth, it was a lie "_No!" _he shook his head violently and came back to reality, now wasn't the time to remember his past.

"So tell me already" His tone of voice changed to a sinister one.

"She… well, she…"

They all gave him a go on look.

"_**SHE TOLD THE EMPIRE I KILLED PURPLE OK!"**_

* * *

_Shloogorgh Ship (Exact Same time):_

_Once a door slides open Sizz-Lorr flies into the large room and drops Gaz on the hard cold metal ground, she grunts, Sizz-Lorr lands nearby. His jetpack retracts into his PAK, Gaz sees the massive Irken in front of her, her hand turns into fits, she obviously wants to hurt the frycook but due to the electronic red she was unable to go and beat but she unfortunately was too weak, she didn't even had the strength to create a stable fireball, Gaz then looks down on her stomach affectionately and hugs herself. _

"This sucks" She hissed to herself "Well at least things can't get any worse".

_Tak who is piloting stops the large vessel and it simply hovers in space, Mimi finally catches up and enters the ship as soon as Tak opened a small window, they walk towards the back of the ship, once there, the purple eyed Irken sees the human female, rage goes trough the Irken's veins._

"Not surprisingly my luck sucks even more" Gaz thought in disgust.

"Well well, well, if it isn't the _human_ who helped Zim ruin my chances to become an Invader!"

"Nice to see you too Tak"

"So you remember me"

"Hard to forget an evil bitch like you"

_Tak just smiles cruelly, walks calmly over to Gaz, not a hint of anger in her face, they both glare daggers at each other, immediately Tak kicks Gaz on the stomach._

_Gaz grunts and gasps for breath, Sizz-Lorr takes off his mask and Mimi's gets a taco out of her head, don't ask me where she got the delicious Mexican food I don't know._

"Your right" Tak started to say "I am an evil bitch but still _I_ have every right to be the invader that this moron NEVER should have been!"

"Well Zim may be a moron but he is a moron that **_NEVER _**gave up on his mission to conquer my world" Gaz said with conviction, smirking evilly she added "And _you_ well you only tried _once _and _failed_... horribly I might add, so I would say you ARE even _worse_ at invading than Zim ever was".

_Tak just couldn't think what was worse being compared to Zim or knowing that the human had a point, she was about to yell at her but Sizz-Lorr interrupted._

"Forget about you past with that vermin Zim, Tak" the fry-lord demanded "We have more important things at…"

"**_WELL I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"_** Tak exploded _"**THAT GODDAMN DEFECTIVE GOT THE BEST OF LUCK!"**_

"**ZIM IS NOT A GODDAMN DEFECTIVE!"** Gaz got defensive yet again; this of course earned her yet another kick from Tak.

_Gaz once again she gasps for breath._

"Defensive, are we?" The female Irken asked darkly as she lowered herself to the human's level. "I just can't believe he got so…tall, how in Irk did THAT happen?"

"_I take it that's what bothering the most huh?"_ Mimi said, of course only her mistress could hear her, Tak of course growled darkly at the robot.

I'm wondering that myself, that WAS some surprise" Sizz-Lorr said getting Tak's attention once again "But why didn't you say anything when we where on Earth?"

"Because I don't want to give _him_ the satisfaction of knowing that I'm jealous, I mean of all the Irkens, he…"

"SHAD AP TAK!"

_Tak and Mimi jumped._

"_WE BEEN GIVEN A JOB AND I DONT LIKE THE FACT THE WE BEEN LIED!"_He raged_"BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE!" _

"What do you mean it doesn't matter…?" Tak questioned angrily "Of **_COURSE_** it matters!... He was supposed to be DEAD… his PAK destroyed and his Squeedly Spooch given to the hungry Digestors!".

"Yes… I _know_" The fry-lord finally calmed down but you could still see he was beyond pissed "But there's no use staying angry at something that already happen, believe I did and I suffered a lot more because of it"

Talk was beginning to calm down as well "Damn it, I know your right but it's so fucking hard to forget the pain!"

"I know it is"

"Ok, so what do we do now?"

"We wait…" He said "Zim clearly is attached to this… _human" _He pointed at Gaz disgustedly "So if he wants to see her alive again then he'll do the job for us and kill Red"

"What makes you think he will?" Tak asked skeptically, Sizz-Lorr just gave her a face that said "What? Are you stupid or something?"

She eventually got the message and gave a scary smile "Wow so the moron also has a habit of keeping a grudge" She said in a near wonder tone of voice.

"Look who's talking" Gaz sneered.

"I'll go and order the probes to return, no use to keep them on that horrible planet now that we know where Red is" Tak said, choosing to ignore Gaz's comment.

"You do that" Sizz-Lorr replied, not really caring.

_Tak and Mimi went to the cockpit leaving the fry-lord with the human adult behind. _

"I want some answers here, why did you kidnap me instead of just grabbing this Red guy and killing him yourself?"

_Sizz-Lorr said nothing for a while._

"Because human if we take a hostage we'll make sure that Zim does follow the MY orders"

_Gaz just rolled her eyes "It's it a wonder there Irken morons have any common sense". She thought dryly._

* * *

_Meanwhile:_

_Mimi's red eyes were blinking, she was obviously talking to her mistress, she was making her robotic claw do some odd movements, things that just couldn't be done if you were made of metal._

"Why would you wanna know?" Tak asked skeptically, noticing her robot's odd display.

Mimi finally noticed her arm movements, she immediately stopped and gave her mistress a cheesy smile... erm well she tried considering she doesn't have a mouth.

"_No reason"_ She answered innocently.

"Look I don't really want to ask the human girl that, OK!"

_The Irken pushes a few buttons._

_If Mimi could talk she would have ask Gaz who was the strange purple creature that was helping the enemy but unfortunately Tak was the only one who could understand her._

_The little S.I.R Unit's thoughts were broken when her mistress screamed at her._

"**_MIMI!"_** This of course made said S.I.R Unit jump in surprise.

Tak groans in disgust "Go get Sizz-Lorr!"

_The robot saluted and left the room._

"Long range space probes are returning" The computer hollowed.

_Tak notices that indeed the probes were coming back, she presses a button on the control panel. A hatch opens and they enter, once in they are instantly stored into the data downloader. _

_Tak walks to an elevator and goes down to the data downloader, she then sits in a hovering chair, she sees from the windshield the 4 probes, all of them motionless._

"Computer show, me what you found" She ordered.

_One of the probe's head extends and wires from the ceiling enter its "torso". Electricity surges through the wires, soon a monitor turns on, on it's own and on the left it shows two picture of Skoodge, _(who has grown too, he appeared to be 6 inches shorter than Zim),_ one picture has him in his human disguise and the other in his Irken form._

_Tak stared at the screen wide-eyed, she also noticed a map on the right of the monitor, it shows the Earth and a red dot was blinking, the Irken female assumed that's where they needed to go, she pushed a few buttons on the control panel and the computer showed one word written in the Irken language which in English it said…._

"Washington?"

"What?"

_Tak yelps and she accidentally knocks herself out of the hovering chair._

"_SIZZ-LORR, DONT DO THAT AGAIN!"_ She raged _"YOU SCARED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME!"_

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!" He demanded.

_Reality hits Tak ugly head and she didn't like it._

"My apologies...My Fry-lord!" She said through gritted teeth.

The massive alien smirked cruelly "That's better, now what do you want" She asked "This better be important!"

"Oh it is, apparently Zim wasn't the only one we thought dead, Skoodge is on the planet as well" She informed "He seems to be on some place called Washington".

"Well what are you waiting for?" He asked "Set course for Washtub"

"Washington" She corrected.

"_**Whatever!"**_

_Mimi was about to enter the room but saw that the two Irkens were at it again, so she left, usually when those two talked they would soon start a fight and Mimi didn't like it, the last fight she almost lost her legs even worse she didn't like seeing her mistress hurt, she knew that some of Gir's programming was still implanted in her brain and that's why she loved Tak the same insane way Gir loved his master._

_(Mushy isn't it?... believe me I HATE when I write crap like that but this will be a secondary plot in the fic, what? You thought this was only gonna revolve around Zim and Gaz?, give the author more credit people!)… Now back to the fic._

_Mimi went to the piloting room and set the coordinates, she then attached herself to the wall of the cockpit, and shut down, beginning her recharging process, while doing so she began to have some interesting dreams._

* * *

_Back on Earth:_

_Zim was driving his stolen car with Reb (out of disguise) next to him and MiniMoose and Red in the backseat who was now wearing a white wig and contacts with brown eyes, his clothes were also different, he was wearing one of Zim spare "Matrix" outfits but it was only until they left the planet._

"I can't believe you don't know where the Dib-pig, lives" Zim whined.

"Hey you should know that the guy's a pain in the ass," Reb retorted "I didn't even bother to ask my mistress where he lives, to be honest I hate his guts".

"Me too" the defective said with a smile "But we need his help if we have any chance of rescuing Gaz"

"Yes, yes we need him because he has yet _another_ fucking Irken ship we can use for rescuing my mistress… enough of this shit… the sooner we find him the sooner we can leave."

"Squeak!"

Translation: That's the spirit!

"You shut the hell up!" Reb said angrily looking back at the moose.

"Damn you Reb" Zim whispered.

_The custom made S.I.R Unit just ignored the ex-invader._

"Squeak!"

"I have an idea of where to start looking" Zim answered.

Red meanwhile was thinking to himself, not sure what to think, everything was happening way to fast for him, one thing that keep going through his mind was that he assumed his brother was still alive, he never got evidence of that, but still assuming was better than just thinking of a possible reality.

Zim drives to a familiar part of the city and after half an hour they reached their destination. Zim parked his Ferrari in front of the old Membrane house.

"It's been years…" He marveled.

Reb who was now wearing her disguise nodded "I would like to see the Professor again….Right after Gaz he's my favorite human."

All four of the passengers got out of the car and walked to the front door, Zim (who amazingly was a little nervous to talk to Prof. Membrane) stares at the doorbell and he finally presses it.

After a while a nurse opens the door

"Yes?" the female asked.

"Um hi... I must have the wrong house, this is the Membrane residence... right?"

"Why, yes, yes it is."

"Is the Professor in?"

"Yes he is" The nurse admitted "But I don't think he wants to be disturbed at the moment.

Reb got impatient and got inside without a care.

"Reb!" Zim screamed.

The alien entered the house and ran after the S.I.R Unit, MiniMoose and Red did the same.

"Sir, get back here!" the nurse demanded.

The nurse drone went in the direction of the "intruders" which was the kitchen.

Zim and MiniMoose found Reb in the kitchen, in front of the scientist, it took them a while to register that the once proud man was nothing more than a head in a jar.

"It's been a while since I seen you Reb" the scientist said happily.

The nurse walked in and grabbed Zim's arm.

"I'm sorry but you must leave, you can't bother the professor right now."

**_"LOOK NURSE DRONE,"_** Zim turned to face her angrily _"IM HERE BECAUSE I NEED SOME INFORMATION THAT ONLY THIS HUMAN CAN GIVE ME!"_

"Why you…"

"It's ok nurse" Membrane said "It's been a while since I had a visitor. specially since my cyborg kitty passed away years ago"

The man gazes longingly at at small jar that contained the remains of his companion of many years, the professor was not histerical when he heard the news that his cyborg cat got run over one grim afternoon, it was a very _"sad day for science"_ and to make things so much worse, the old delusional man tried to clone the cat but ended up being a terrible crime againsts nature, not only did it tied to eat him but it also grew tentacles, spider legs and to add insult to injury, the cat didnt even tried to eat rats like the Professor's previous pet.

In the end Membrane had to set his creation free and he now believed that the defectrive kitty clone now lived underground terrifying the city´s sewers.

Zim looked at his nemesis' father with mild curiosity written in his face in return the professor's goggled eyes widened in realization_._

"Hey I remember you." The old scientist accused "You were the little foreign green kid that my poor insane son thought was an alien"

Red eventually entered the kitchen and just stared speechless when he head the disembodied head speak the alien part, Zim looked back at him and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah it is I ZIM!"

When no one seemed impressed by his outburst he decided to continue talking "Um, look Mr. Membrane could you by any chance give me any information on your son?"

After a few minutes the professor's head was now in a robotic body that was far from working properly, the nurse made some coffee for the professor and Zim (that he pretended to drink it), Red Reb and MiniMoose were on the couch watching TV.

Prof. Membrane gives a Sigh.

"It's been years since anyone besides Gaz asks for Dib" He confessed.

Zim was puzzled.

"Didn't he have friends?" He already knew the answer to **_that_** question. But he felt like asking it in order to make conversation.

"After you left I thought he became friends with the other green kid but after a few years Dib…."

Zim gave the Professor a go on look.

"Dib is in the crazy house for men" The scientist said in shame.

Zim was shocked but at the same time amused.

"So, it finally happened" He thought dryly "he snapped… Aww and I missed it, goddamn it".

"After he tried to prove to people that the other ugly green kid was an alien he went homicidal and tried to kill him" The head began his tale "But he was caught by the police and sent to the crazy house for boys, I told him I was disappointed in him and he became depressed for weeks, even months, Gaz often went to visit him but Dib always yelled at her, telling her he didn't want to see her ever again.

"Wow, that is not something I expected from the Dib stink, but I guess this explains why Skoodge disappeared".

"He is to be locked in the crazy house for the rest of his life unless he BECOMES sane or dies, which ever happens first, and even thought I was disappointed in him he's still my son and I tried to help him but he always turned down my help"

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"More Coffee?" The nurse asked entering the kitchen with a refill of sad drink.

"No thanks." They said in simultaniouslñy

"Squeak!"

Both humans and Irken went to the living room and saw that the purple moose was jumping on the couch.

"What's wrong with your moose?" The nurse demanded.

"I don't know!, I just changed the channel and it then it stated its infernal squeaking!" Red snapped.

_Zim turn and watches the television, a newscaster was giving the news._

"I'm in a local gas station…" The Newscaster informed.

Zim recognized the Gas Station, it was the same one where he saved Gaz and killed the human who worked for Vito.

"This criminal seemed to be a professional since this man was shot I the chest but no one who was around heard the gun go off, this criminal also stole the security tape so there's no way we can know who did this."

Zim smirked, he had to admit that Gaz was a very strong creature, He already had many enemies in and out of the planet, and he couldn't afford having any more, even less becoming a "criminal" in the eyes of his exiled home.

"The police are going to send the body to their station and hopefully …."

"Well, if the cops need to chase a shadow, it's their choice" the Professor mussed.

"Eh?"

Prof. Membrane looked at the questioning alien "The police here have never done anything besides eating donuts and I doubt they can find who killed that guy."

"_He's closer than you think human"_ Zim thought sinisterly.

"Stay tuned for more information at four, six, eight and ten PM." The Newscaster said before Red turned the TV off.

Reb jumped from the couch and purred between the Professor's legs mechanical legs. He looked down at Reb.

Prof. Membrane after just realizing something asked "Hey wait a minute, where's Gaz?"

Zim, Red and Reb's eyes got as big as dinner plates they couldn't tell the Professor the truth so Zim came up something that was close to the truth.

"You mean this cat belongs to Gaz?" the disguised ex-invader asked.

Reb and the other alien gave Zim a questioning looks_._

"Yes"

"Last night I was going for a walk, this black cat showed out of nowhere and started to follow me, I let her spend the night in my house and I was thinking of looking for the owner."

_"Strike one."_ Reb thought.

"Oh ok then." The male human shrugged.

The nurse drone on the other hand didn't believe him.

"But why did you decided to look for my son first?"

Zim thought for a minute. "Because…because the cat began to meow when we passed the house I thought the cat may belong to him or anyone else in your family?.. Yeah that's it."

"_Strike two."_

"Well you did the right thing but I think I should call Gaz and call her to get her cat."

Both Zim and Reb panicked at the thought, so Reb did something which she found degrading.

Reb began to do her cat act…It's so adorable it makes you sick to watch. She purrs in Zim's legs, Zim takes a couple of steps back but she follows him.

"Eh?, what are you doing?" Zim said looking down at the "cat" in disbelief.

"I BELIEVE that Reb likes you." The Professor mussed "I think maybe you should take her to Gaz's apartment.

* * *

_Zim's Ferrari (15 minutes later):_

_Reb hits Zim in the head which in turn cause him to scream in pain._

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!"

"Because I don't like to be used as a scapegoat for your lies" The robot glares daggers at him.

"Well I couldn't think of anything else!"

"I can't believe I did that horribly cute cat act… I never felt so degraded in my life."

"Squeak!"

Reb grabs MiniMoose by his antlers and her eyes turn red, she is looking murderous.

"Don't you EVER, EVER, EVER call me THAT again."

"Squeak!"

"Reb, MiniMoose, stop it." Zim scolded.

"He started it" She whined.

"I don't care who started it, it end NOW!"

_Reb let's go of MiniMoose, he squeaks and Reb gets back to her seat._

"Fuck you. Moose thing" She whispered.

"Why did I build you?" Zim asked ashamed.

"Squeak!"

"Oh yeah that's why." He replied sarcastically.

"Wait" Red said now sort of perking up "YOU build THAT robot?"

"THIS robot has a name you know" Reb said annoyed, he didn't reply back, she gave a look of disgust on his way and then turned to looked at the "leader" of the 'crew' "So what now?….Where are we going?"

"To the Crazy House."

"Now he realizes he's insane…. What took you so long?"

_Zim signs, regretting more and more ever giving Gaz a deranged S.I.R Unit._

* * *

_Crazy House for Men:_

"This place gives me the creeps." Red said looking at the building.

"Heh, the humans just lock up their defectives forever… that's just sad." The ex-invader chuckled.

"Oh and what does your people do with the defectives ones?" Reb spat.

"We erase them" Both Irkens said in union.

_Reb and MiniMoose give Zim a face Gir would've made._

"Squeak!"

"That's just cruel… you think that being a _superior_ alien race your people would try to help their defectives NOT erase them."

"Eh, what you gonna do?" The ex-tallest shrugged.

_Reb was disgusted by the thought of erasing a living thing, never to be remembered by anyone ever again, even if it was an insane alien it was still a life and needed help, NOT to be erased like a computer file… but then again the Irkens are a VERY proud alien race and they obviously couldn't accept one of their own being "imperfect."_

_Zim told Reb and MiniMoose that they didn't allow animals on the building so Zim had a backup disguise for them in the trunk of the car._

_Reb was wearing the same disguise Gir wore many years ago, when he and Zim were selling candies, Reb was walking along with Zim and MiniMoose was hiding in the head of the costume, the head looks ridiculously enormous._

"This is stupid." She announced.

"INGENIOUS!" Zim declared at the disguise.

Red rolled her mechanical eyes "if you expect humans to believe in this horrible disguise you are even more retarded than I thought."

"I agree with that S.I.R Unit" Red blurted out "Humans can't possibly fall for that poor thing you call a disguise".

"Well if you don't want to wear it then stay in the car." Zim exploded..

"I WILL!"

"GOOD!"

_Reb went back inside the Ferrari and MiniMoose had no choice but to stay with her._

"Squeak!"

"What has my mistress gotten herself into?" the female groaned in exasperation.

"Squeak!"

"I don't like you" She glared.

"I wish Gir was still functioning" Zim thought sadly.

_The ex-invader and the ex-tallest marched in the direction of the building they entered and sees a lot of White Coats walking in many directions, the Irken smirks when he sees a nurse looking at some papers._

"Excuse me nurse drone?"

_The nurse turns around and Zim recognizes her._

"Jess?"

"Zim?" The nurse smiled "Oh my god is been years!"

"I'll say…" He agreed "Last time I saw you was in high skool."

Jess nodded.

"So what happened to you?" The Irken questioned "Didn't you wanna become a doctor? Or have some medical license? Or some other crap?

"Well I'm still learning… so what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because I need to speak to someone"

"Really, who?"

"Do you by any chance know in what room is Dib Membrane?"

"Oh yes the crazy one"

"He's not crazy… he's just misunderstood."

_Jess looked at the alien with a funny face._

"Shit! Did I just say that?" He thought exasperated.

"I take it you meet him before." Jess asked raising her eyebrow.

"He was my arch-enemy… I mean my rival back in elementary Skool" Zim said hoping that the female wouldn't catch his slip-off.

Thankfully she didn't "So why do you need to talk to him?"

"I... kind of need his help with something." He admitted reluctantly.

_Jess again looked at him funny._

"Ok then you and you friend can follow me".

_Zim had forgotten the other alien was there, he was focusing on the human in front of him that everything else seemed to just fade away "I guess that's what happens when you re-meet your first girlfriend Zim" He told himself slyly._

_The nurse took the spy and his "friend" to several floors until they reached the basement, where the most insane people are lock for life._

_The human female stooped in a room with the numbers 777 labeled on it._

"Here we are… if you want I could stay." She suggested.

"No thanks this is something I need to do on my own" The Irken said looking at her and then glanced at Red, obviously this was a private matter, seeing your arch-enemy again was like re-living those first few days in your mission, of course that was pretty much his invader self telling him that.

"Ok whatever." Jess shrugged.

_Red in the meantime was just overwhelmed by just how many insane humans were imprisoned here, he came to the conclusion that whatever human was behind that door could not be of any help but then again he never met the large headed boy Zim knew all to well._

_A long bloody scream came from within the cell._

_"The moment of thruth is now" Zim thought as his arm reacher the knob of the door._

_He opened it and entered._

_Silence._

_To Be Continued…_

* * *

**_Hello my fellow readers and writers, as you may remember I originally planned for Dib and Skoodge to make their next appearance in THIS chapter, But since I overdid it with this chapter I decided it to cut it in half, chapter six is already written and will be posted in 2 weeks tops._**

**_Now for those of you who remember Jess in the first draft of the story I decided to do a complete re-write of her, she is pretty much the second character I came up for the fic and like Reb, she'll be having a semi-important role during the future chapters of my story._**

**_For those of you who catched the homage I made to "Futurama" then I hope you enjoyed it, I felt like doing that since ironically e__nough _"Invader Zim" is set at some point in the future.**

**_Another thing is that I hope you all liked the explanation I came up for Red; it took me a while to actually think the whole thing trough but if any of you see any flaw then please do tell me for future corrections and references._**

**_Another thing that I realized is that almost everyone is rather OOC, I do apologize for that but I do have a solution for that as my story develops, I believe you'll all want to kill me for that but the idea just wont leave me alone, prepare for the horror in the next chapter._**

**_Also, someone out there I don't remember who send me a private message saying that even thought Reb is my own creation it seems like she was based on Devi from "I Feel Sick" another of Jhonen Vasquez's creations, this in fact untrue, Reb is actually based on three of my favorite female villains/characters, the first being Ember from "Danny Phantom" (her personality) the second being Shego from "Kim Possible" (Her eyes color and cruel nature) and finally on Raven from "Teen Titans"._**

**_Also if I actually had to cast an actress to voice the role, I would choose Grey DeLisle, who created many wicked female voices like Sam Manson, Mandy, Frankie Foster, Kitty Katswell etc mostly because That's who I hear when I imagine Reb speaking._**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	6. Enlisting Help And Stuff Part 2

_Well my dear readers I'm back and yes I know I said I would post this chapter two weeks ago but a few things have been going on my life and quite honestly it's been the best things that have happened in my college days._

_Also if you guys remember the mysterious people who were at the beginning of chapter two, they will make their re-appearance in this chapter._

_Enough said, enjoy the next chapter of "WAHLAI". _

**

* * *

_Chapter Six:_ **

_Dib's padded cell (A few minutes Before Zim's arrival):_

"It's happening again" Dib uttered as his hand began to disappear.

_Soon a flash of white light occurs and Dib disappears from his cell._

_Dib is no longer in his padded cell but in his Nightmare World._

"So you have returned" A voice said darkly.

_Dib turns to the other side of his cell and notices his nightmare self in the shadows._

"Yes so what?" He replied icily "After so many years you should be used to me reappearing in your world"

"You think so but no" The Nightmare version of Dib replied "So what's new in your crappy meaningless existence you call a life?"

"You have been asking me that same question every time I come here" He said "And I always tell you the same thing… Nothing, I mean come on! I have been in the Crazy House for over ten years now… TEN YEARS!

"So I heard" His replica said "But I bet it's better than hearing the words Your too worthless to even fucking exist you little piece of shit every time you wake up."

Dib gave him a stare that said "Been there, done that"

"And besides if you hate it here so much then why don't you let your dad help you??

By now Dib resented his father and so he started to scream insanely **"WHY?! WHY?!? I'LL TELL YOU WHY?!?**

_Nightmare Dib is wide eyed because his human self never screamed at him before… well not that he could remember _(let's not forget he's insane).

"Here we go again."

"**BECAUSE I HAVE RISKED MY FUCKING LIFE SAVING THE EARTH!" **He ranted angrily **"AND THEY ALL THINK I´M INSANE… EVEN MY FAMILY!"**

"Well technically your sister doesn't" Nightmare Dib said calmly "She just thinks your stupid"

"I don't have a sister."

_Nightmare Dib steps into the light, he's now older, his hair is longer and he no longer wears a straight jacket... instead he's wearing the same blue clothing that regular Dib is wearing._

"Damn it, Dib! Now you're just being angry!"

"You're damn right I am!"

Nightmare Dib Sigh in exasperation and tries a different approach "Listen Dib if your family is trying to help you is because they must have some level of love towards you".

_Dib rolls his eyes and grabs his water dish,_ _he stared into his own eyes. They were dark, solemn, almost lifeless, he takes a sip from his dish, the water tasted horrible, it seemed that his dish has NEVER been cleaned, Dib tosses the dish getting water on the floor and on himself he then glares at his Nightmare self._

"Yeah right" The big headed man sneered "My _dad_ only ever cared about me as his air to the great big deal Membrane Empire"

"Are you sure?" His Nightmare self raised an eyebrow.

"YES"

"And your sister?"

Dib was about to open his mouth when his cellmate interrupted.

"AND DONT TELL ME YOU** DONT** HAVE SISTER!" He snarled "TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH!"

_Dib turned his head to the other side of his cell to stare at other Nightmare monsters, they stare back, after a while he finally answered, not bothering to look at his Nightmare self._

"I don't know" Dib admitted reluctantly.

_The Nightmare version of Dib goes back to the shadows, he takes a sip of his water dish _(To him the water tastes fine),_ Dib expected his Nightmare self to speak but at the same time he didn't._

"Well you got yourself into this".

_Dib now faces the monster and gives him a glare that would have made Gaz proud._

"Well I was protecting the Earth from the Irkens!"

"That's what I mean" The monster commented "You were so obsessed in proving to everyone that there were aliens among us that you eventually **DID **become insane.

"I'm not insane!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, IM NOT."

"Yes, you are."

"No, IM NOT."

"No, your not."

"Yes, I am!"

"AHA!" Nightmare Dib cheered "You admit it!"

"That doesn't prove a thing!" Dib yelled exasperated "You tricked me!"

"No, I didn't."

_Dib groans, Oraface screeches on the other side of the cell and this causes other monsters to screech too._

"Would you all shut the fuck up!" Screamed one of the Nightmare White Coats "You are all giving me a mirage".

"If we feel like screaming and causing stuff to this place we can" Dib said angrily.

"Watch your mouth big headed human!"

"Bite me"

"You are gonna regret those words Dib" His nightmare version warned.

_The cell opens up and the Nightmare Coat enters._

_His crimson eyes locks with Dib brown eyes, he growls and punches Dib in the stomach, the human being used to being beaten finally had it, and punched the Nightmare White Coat in the face, the result was not very good, he didn't feel a thing, he picks up Dib by the collar of his shirt, and tossed him to the other side of the room, he walked over to Dib, brought his foot back, and kicked him across the room, the monster eventually became bored and left, leaving a beaten up Dib, who was bleeding horribly._

"I told you so" Nightmare Dib said" You know, you really should learn to keep your big mouth shut."

"Leave me alone" Dib snarled getting up "I don't need your fake sympathy"

"What you need is to get used to the fact that you got yourself into this and you should really consider the help of your family"

"You can think whatever the hell you want for all I care but when the Earth does get conquered people would've wished they had listened to me"

"Ok but think about this Dib" he snapped "Zim has disappeared from the face of the Earth and Skoodge hasn't EVEN come up with an evil plan to rule the planet, now if what your saying about your world being in danger is true then why hasn't the human race been destroyed or enslave by now?"

Oh, how the Dib-human cringed at that logic.

"After all ten years is a long time and you not being there to save it is enough proof that the Earth is save"

_Dib's brain registered the information knowing that what his Nightmare self told him could be the truth. _

_A door opens up and Nightmare White Coat Buck enters, he is holding popcorn, he looks at both Dibs._

"You have visitors" the Monster said.

_The face on Nightmare white coat Buck's shoulder pad comes alive and takes a bite out of the popcorn bag. Nightmare white coat Buck punches the face and it makes a high pitched yell. Nightmare white coat Buck grabs a chunk of popcorn and eats it, he punches his other shoulder pad just in case and then leaves._

_Nightmare Gaz hops in front of both Dibs, drinking Dark Juice, she looks like regular Gaz except she's taller, she has skull earrings, and longer RED hair and she even wears the skull necklace regular Gaz has._

"Hello sister" Nightmare Dib greeted.

"Shove it Dib She sneered "I only came because I need to talk with your human self"

"Your wasting your time, he won't talk to you"

Nightmare Gaz smirked sinisterly "Oh we'll see about that"

_She jumps to Dib's cell and looks at the human adult. He stares back at her and gives her the finger her smirk widens,_(or close to it, remember she has no lower jaw).

"That's the attitude you should've in skool" She applauded sarcastically "Then no one would've made fun of you"

"Leave me alone" He wined.

_Nightmare Gaz rolls her eyes._

"Listen to me _brother_ I think I know how you can escape this hell hole. I got a friend who's a….

"Why would you want to help me?** YOU** hate me. You and the Gaz from my world hate me" He uttered sadly.

"That's what your mind thinks"

_Dib raises an eyebrow at his Nightmare sister._

_(You people getting sick of the word Nightmare yet? because I am)._

"What kind of messed-up riddle is that?" He demanded to know.

_Nightmare Gaz chuckled evilly._

"It's not a riddle Dib it's what you think your sister really thinks of you…why I bet there was a time when she actually showed she loved you."

"mmmmmmmmmmm nope, can't think of Gaz ever showing other emotion besides anger."

"Moron" His nightmare self snapped.

"You really are a moron Dib" Nightmare Gaz said "Well like I was saying, I have a friend who can get you out of here and you can transport yourself to the outside world like you did on Halloween many years ago.

"Thanks but no thanks" He said stubbornly.

"Now listen here Dib we all know you hate it on the Crazy House so do yourself a favor and get the hell out of there" The other Dib ordered sternly.

"**WHY?! SO THAT PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF ME AND LOCK ME HERE AGAIN?!"**

"So you are telling me that I'm giving you a chance to escape and you won't take it?!" The female monster asked skeptically "Answer me this big brother She asked sweetly and then her face turn ugly er… uglier "ARE YOU RETARDED?!"

_Dib flinched._

"What's the point?" He told himself sadly.

_Both Nightmare creatures grunt._

"You're making it so goddamn hard for me to not break the cell and kick your ass" His other self yelled.

"Screw you"

"Just think about it my offer" Nightmare Gaz muttered.

_She drank some Dark Juice and jumped to the exit._

_Outside the nightmare version of the Crazy House was waiting a nightmare creature whose body was black and had purple eyes and hair that was shaped like two rabbit ears.._

"So, what did he say?" the male asked.

"I'll come back tonight hopefully he'll come to his senses"

"Maybe what he needs is some _persuasion_ into that big head of his" He said evilly getting his big katana out of his car"

"You are not going to kill him Nny!" She warned dangerously" You know what Bitters said what will happen If he doesn't get out of there, remember we want him **ALIVE!"**

The man who was revealed as Nny just shrugged off the warning and said nonchalantly "Yeah, yeah, the fate of our world is in the big headed guy's hands"

"You don't really care do you?" She asked dully.

"Nope".

* * *

"Here we are" Jess said nicely "If you want I could stay" 

"No thanks this is something I have to do on my own" a voice replied.

"Oh shit, here comes that nurse, and apparently I have a visitor" Dib thought.

'Let me guess" The other Dib said "That bitchy nurse is gonna see you now?"

He nodded.

"Just HOW are you able to hear voice from your world if technically you ARE in another dimension?" He asked out of the blue.

_Dib shrugs. "_I don't know I just do"

_A flash of light occurs and Dib is no longer in the cell._

"Man I hate that guy, he's so annoying!"

* * *

_Dib reappears in his normal cell._

"If it's Gaz or Dad I'll tell them to leave" He thought mercilessly.

_The door to his cell opened and white light blinded him for a few seconds, the door closed and Dib's eyes could now see, nothing in the world could have prepared him from giving him the shock of his life, he's seen another dimension, traveled to another world and even meet different alien races but after so many years he never thought he would see…_

"…_. Zim"_

"Hello Dib-Pig, long time no see."

Dib: What the fuck are you doing here?!

"I missed you too" He said sarcastically" and then froze "WOAH, I been spending too much time with Gaz, she's rubbing it off on me".

_The Irken gave Dib a look of pure concern which was something Dib never saw on the alien on the time they were enemies._

"I'm here because I need to talk to you" Zim said regaining his composure" It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY important that you listen to what I'm about to say"

"What? You finally decided to come back and take over the Earth?"

"Uh… No"

"YOU'RE LYING!" He bellowed "YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARD!"

"IM NOT LITTLE!" He snarled angrily "I'M A FREAKING GIANT AMOUNG MY OWN PEOPLE!"

_Dib smirked. Even thought Zim was probably taller than any other living Irken he still hated to be called little, short or any other thing that had to do with his height , Dib knew this and it made him a little happier to make his ex-rival mad._

"Now like I was saying Stink Beast, I come here because I THE ALMIGHTHY ZIM!..."

_Dib rolls his eyes._

"Needs your help" He whispered lowering his head.

_Well Dib wasn't buying it. _

"No, I won't fall for whatever it is your planning. You're just waiting for me to let my guard down and then kill me in my sleep or something. You're a plague upon this Earth Zim, and now you want me help you destroy it"

_Zim felt his blood pressure getting higher and higher, he was going to hit Dib in that big head of his but he then realized that he wouldn't accomplish anything by hurting him, he would feel satisfied if he did hit him but there was no time for that now._

"Dib, I haven't tried to take over the Earth for twelve years, what makes you think I would want to take over this nasty rock now?"

"_Why do people keep telling me this?" _He thought in dismay_ "But I gotta admit it does make sense otherwise I wouldn't be alive right now"_

_Then he froze "Wait…Zim…making sense? Is official I AM insane_.

_He got up and walked towards the Irken, he still didn't trust the alien but he was curious to know what he needed help with, Zim seemed to be expecting that question and told him before Dib could open his mouth._

"Gaz has been kidnapped"

He exploded " WHAT! WHEN? HOW? WHO? WHY?"

_He forgot about the whole not having a sister argument he had earlier with his Nightmare self, I MEAN COME ON IF YOUR SISTER WAS KIDNAPPED YOUR ANGER WOULD DISSAPEAR, WOULDNT IT?_

"Tell me what happened" The human demanded calmly.

"Well we both where in my house"

"Wait, wait, wait" He interrupted "JUST WHAT THE HELL WAS GAZ DOING IN YOUR HOUSE?"

_Zim decided not to tell him about the "business" he and Gaz had._

_Aww look you can see him blush, isn;t that nice?._

"Well if you must know Dib-weasel thing yesterday your sister and I met at a Bar and we started talking and after a while we went to my house, on the way we…."

"Go on"

_The Irken decided not to tell the raven haired man about the Gas Station incident it would surely make him angry and he probably wouldn't listen to the rest of the story._

"She stayed the night at my place, we had breakfast and a few hours ago three of my people came back, one of them needs my help on Irk while others want him dead"

"Then why are you still on Earth?"

"IM GETTING TO THAT!"

_Dib jumped._

"At first I refused to go back to Irk because of the way my people betrayed me and then _Red_, you might know him, he was one of the Tallest of my _previous_ leaders told me that my home world was under attack, I still refused but because Tak…"

"TAK??!!" Dib freaked out.

"YES TAK!" Zim snapped getting irritated at the constant interruptions "Now shut up and let me finish"

_Dib did as told and sat down again._

"They took your sister"

_Dib's eyes got as big as dinner plates… again_

"They took her hostage just because they felt like it and they thought that IF I wanted to see her again then I would have to destroy _Red."_

"And did you?"

"Haven't you heard a word I said?!" He screamed madly "I'm gonna end up helping Red out because of several complications on the matter and I don't trust my own race anymore so if I did do what they asked me to do, your sister would have ended up dead anyway!"

_Dib's brain registered the information_.

"And you're asking me help because you can't rescue Gaz on your own?"

_The Irken turns his hands into fits, he was getting angry and Dib knew but of course he didn't know when to stop._

"Gees Zim I thought a brave Irken soldier didn't need the help of a human worm baby" The raven haired man said mockingly.

_Zim slams Dib into the wall, holding him by his neck, Dib is chocking._

"**WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!" **He hollowed angrily "Asking an inferior alien race to help a mighty Irken Invader!"

"_But master you're not an invader" Gir's voice came back._

"Oh no" He whispered "Not now."

_Dib (who was still being choked) gave Zim a confused stare._

"Zim, what's wrong with you?"

_Zim shook his head violently to regain his senses. "_Nothing that is of youe concern Dib-human."

_Dib didn't now if Zim was even more insane that before or that he was the one going insane but he did now that his ex-rival had some serious problems that he couldn't solve on his own, Zim finally let go of Dib's neck and the human started to massage his neck._

"Just TWO things Zim" He cracked.

_The Irken looked at the human waiting for anything that he might ask or say._

"One, why didn't you use the Voot Cruiser?"

"Because it's too small for me now" He answered truthfully "I came looking for you so that I can use Tak's ship in order to make a proper working one… well not really, my original plan was to steal it but when I went to your house it wasn't in your garage"

_Dib smirked._

"Well you will not find it in the city or on this world for that matter"

"Eh?"

"Zim, the ship is hidden on my Nightmare World."

"Eh?"_ Zim gave Dib a confused look he looked like he didn't remember what happened on his first Halloween._

_Dib rolled his eyes._

"The place we went on your first Halloween"

Zim's fake eyes widened in horror "The Halloweenies!"

"Yeah, it's hidden in the dimension in my head"

"Great just great now how I'm I suppose to get off this planet and rescue Gaz now?"

"Why do you care?" He glared at his enemy "I thought you hated all human life"

"I do Dib-monkey" He told him coldly "But your sister is an exception"

"Well Zim, if you haven't noticed Gaz IS a human and according to what you said, you hate her too."

"I DO NOT HATE HER!"

_Dib knew something was up with the alien, he decided to mess with his head In order to find out what._

"Oh really?" He said amused "Then what? ... Do you **_like_** her?"

"Wha? ... No of course not Dib-pig…**I** **LOVE HER!"**

_Zim put his gloved hands over his mouth and kicked himself mentally_

"Gah! Why did I just say that?! ... I don't love… her." He thought disgusted "She's a human and I'm an Irken! It could never work out! Or could it?"

_Dib was speechless._

"Wait what I'm I thinking!" He shakes his head "I don't love the scary human female, hell we only been together less than a day an I start to feel the same way I felt about her en years ago… So maybe I do feel something for her but not love... Irkens don't… love…. And besides even if she loved me back I… couldn't… love… her.

"You… love her?" The human finally managed to choke out the words.

"I have been on your planet too long Dib-Worm, these emotions as you humans call them are getting to me."

"Whatever you say Zim, whatever you say" He said slyly, not believing him "Maybe Zim isn't as stupid as I thought he was".

"Hey, has your head gotten bigger?"

"_Then again…"_

"No Zim, not it hasn't"

"So are you going to help or what?"

"You should know by now Zim that I love my sister and I would do anything to help her".

On the Nightmare World the creepy version of Dib was giving a victory dance for no apparent reason, 

"Good, so I shall break you out of here right now…" Zim started to say

'No Zim"

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

"Because, one, I already have someone who will get me out of here" He said remembering what the monster version of Gaz told him. "And two, I need to go get Tak's ship and I doubt you wanna see the Halloweenies again.

_Zim shudders._

"FINE!" his left eye began to twitch "But this is urgent so I'm giving you ONE day to escape if not then your sister will be doomed and I assure you neither of us wants that"

"You really are serious aren't you Zim?"

"I'm always serious meat-bag".

_Zim and Dib shake hand and an alliance was made._

"Oh and make sure to give your father a visit before we leave because we may not come back alive."

"I don't think I will" He sneered.

"You should consider yourself lucky to even have a father, Dib" Zim countered back "On my planet we do not have the things your species calls a family"

_The alien walked to the door and opens it and leaves, closing it._

"I guess I should…. Wait did he just called me Dib?"

_Jess and Red were eavesdropping the conversation Zim and Dib were having so when Zim opened the door Jess regain her composure and looked as if she was in her own little dream world as for Red, he got caught by the ex-invader._

"Eh heheheh, I didn't hear a thing?" He lied meekly.

Zim gave him a death glare "You are pathetic I can't believe I actually took orders from you" He said disgusted.

"HEY! I resent that!"

"Whatever now come on, we still have stuff to do and very little time".

Zim and Red left the building, apparently Zim forgot Jess was in the hallway as well. Figures he still has a short attention span.

"So Zim's an alien…" Jess thought in amazement "Hmm this explains why he always got the highest grades in almost every class in High School" She concluded "Heh, I still have the giggles when I remember the biology classes".

She gave a small stiffle snort in amusement of said memories.

_Her cell phone starts to ring she got it from her pocket and answers._

"Hello? …WHAT?!" She looked around to notice if anyone else was in the hallways, when she confirmed she was alone she started talking again "Yes, tell The Boss I will be right there.

_She hangs up her cell phone and runs towards the exit._

* * *

_Washington D.C (a.k.a President Land):_

_Floating monitor screens display images of Skoodge. The announcer stands at a podium with a microphone strapped to his neck. Some bodyguards and Secret Service Agents stand all over the place._

"Ladies and gentleman!" The announcer boomed "He's the person who has solved the problem with taxes, he's the one who has solved world hunger, and… more… stuff, I give you the one, the only, our beloved leader… President Skoodge!"

_The announcer walks to the side and Skoodge himself takes his place. The crowd goes wild. He waves to the people, the cheers increase.._

Skoodge makes a calm down gesture with his hand and begins his speech "People of Earth I received news that the gangster known as Vito has once again escaped from prison but rest assure I will make sure that he gets capture I will not let him succeed in whatever evil deranged and fucked up plan he has on his sleeves."

_People cheer._

"I shall…"

_Suddenly someone fires a laser and almost kills Skoodge._

_People gasp._

"Where did that come from?" Someone asked in fear.

"I dunno"

_Skoodge gets up from the podium and looks around for anyone who could've fired the pink laser, he eventually looks at the sky and this time he notices that there's an Irken vessel hovering._

"Oh, shit they found me."

_A scream is heard and everybody looks at the sky, a huge green person wearing a mask has a big spatula and uses it to destroy the podium, luckily Skoodge gets his spider legs out of his PAK and jumps from the podium as well as some of the bodyguards, the green "murderer" gets his spatula out of the almost destroyed podium and shoots again this time he destroys the white house's metallic fence and in the process hurts a few humans, Sizz-Lorr looks at Skoodge with anger in his purple eyes._

"Skoodge I have come for you for no apparent reason!"

_The agents get their guns out._

"Don't worry Mr. President, we'll protect you" The secret agent said.

_Sizz-Lorr laughs evilly._ "You expect _humans_ to protect you…if so, Skoodge you are even more patethic than I thought"

The frylord _leaps into the air once again. His spatula shoots a laser and almost kills Skoodge luckily for him a bodyguard took the shot and red blood spills all over his clothes and the grass, Skoodge looks at the bodyguard and then looks at the frylord with a very very angry face._

"I thought I never had to see another one of my people again" He yelled.

"Well obviously you were wrong"

_Sizz-Lorr gives an Indian war cry and flies in the direction of the slightly taller Irken, he shots lasers and destroys various structures, he also kills a couple of humans in the process, Skoodge uses his spider legs and jumps in Sizz-Lorr's direction, they fight for the spatula, eventually Sizz-Lorr gets a hold of his spatula and he cuts Skoodge's right leg._

Skoodge screamed in agony.

"You shouldn't resisted" He said evilly "It's futile you should know that by now"

_Purple blood was escaping his leg, the Irken put both his hands to where his leg should be, people were terrified of the sight they just seen and some ran to help their leader but Tak appears (OUT OF DISGUISE) and uses the same brain implant in her brain to hypnotize the humans, she flashes her eyes and they just stand there._

_Skoodge's spider legs went lifeless as he passed out because he's losing blood, he collapsed, a few of the agents who where supposed to protect him were taken out of the picture so to speak earlier by Mimi and Tak, (Who were in their old Earth disguises at the time)._

_Sizz-Lorr grabbed Skoodge's body and flew into his large vessel._

Once he reached the _Shloogorgh ship he set took the injured Irken in a medical room._

_Tak was second to enter and Mimi entered last, she then went to another room in the back of the ship and prepared the devices to operate Skoodge._

"You had to shoot him didn't you?" The fale alien questioned.

"It was either bringing him the easy way or the hard way… as you see I chose the easy way." He said as he dropped Skoodge in a bed like thing.

_Tak rolled her eyes._

_The S.I.R Unit walked in holding a lot and I mean a lot of painful looking medical machine things, she puts them in a table near the injured Irken, Sizz-Lorr takes of his mask walks to check on their other prisoner, Tak on the other hand started to clean the purple blood out of the Irken's leg, once she was done, she began to operate, she got a mechanical leg (color black) and she began to work, hopefully Skoodge wouldn't wake up but then again he was a prisoner and Tak didn't care if he woke up in the middle of the procedure, ok maybe she did, I mean she had little to entrain herself so torturing other was a small thing he liked to do whenever she could._

_Yes, she is a sick Irken._

* * *

_Meanwhile:_

_Gaz is in a compacted cage device _(Like Zim was at the beginning of the frycook what came from all that space) _she was still looking at her stomach and her arms hugging it._

_Sizz-Lorr walks in and smirks_

"I don't know how come Zim never conquered your planet your people are a pathetic excuse of an alien race" He exclaimed.

"Fuck off."

"heh heh heh, I don't take orders from humans"

"Don't you have something better to do than annoying me with the whole "superior alien race" crap?"

"I only came to check on you" He said evilly "I need to make sure that you don't try to escape because if you do, Zim won't do the job for us"

"Can you blame him?" She asked darkly. "After what your leaders did to him it's pretty obvious why he won't help"

"True" He chuckled "But that's why we got you remember my dear?"

_Gaz snorted._

_Sizz-Lorr smirked and walked to the piloting room but he stopped just as the door opened_.

Oh and by the way, you'll have company in a few hours human'

"The name is Gaz!"

_The Irken turn his head and faced Gaz, he nodded and started to walk away luckily (or unluckily depending o your POV here) Gaz managed to get some energy and use her power to throw a small fire wall in the Irken's direction, hitting him in the ass._

_Sizz-Lorr smelled something getting 'cooked' he looked behind him and indeed his ass was on fire, he began to scream bloody murder in Irken as he tried to put the fire out, running out of the room, the door closes._

_Gaz snickers evilly and whispers a name. _(And no, she didn't whisper Zim) _now a few tears began to leave her eyes._

* * *

_The tools that Mimi brought in, earlier where all over a table, when her mistress ask for a device the robot gave it to her, the S.I.R Unit herself had some cables connected to Skoodge's body and her chest showed a screen with the Irken's life signals, Tak even disconnected the electrical wake up system to make sure that the electricity that produced the PAK wouldn't "reactivate" Skoodge while she was operating him, Mimi watched with amazement in her eyes _(if that were possible) _as her mistress did what no robot could do._

"Mimi… hand me some black tick cables"

_She did as was told and gave Tak the cables, the purple eyed Irken put the cables in a specific part of the PAK, the cables moved on their own, they entered trough the holes on Skoodge's back and went all the way to the end of the right leg, the cables came out of the Irken's flesh so Tak could then connect the cables to the robotic black leg, hopefully the operation was a success and he would be able to control the mechanical black leg like he could with his spider legs_

_After what seemed like hours the robotic leg was finally implanted where his old one used to be, Tak checks Mimi's monitor and saw that his heartbeat was semi normal, she opened his PAK and reactivated the wake up system, instantly a cold male voice came out of the PAK._

"**REACTIVATING!"**

_Electricity surges through Skoodge's body. He wakes up and sees his surroundings, he looks at a green blur which he knew was his captor, he also saw a gray blur, he knew it was a S.I.R Unit, memories of what happened slowly came back to him, he remembered getting in a fight with Sizz-Lorr but after that nothing, he puts his hand on his face and he felt a scar beneath his arm, he then felt something different in himself, he lifted his head and saw that he was wearing a new pair of pants _(I think it was obvious Tak had to take of Skoodge's parts to operate)_ he looked at his foot and noticed that he didn't have his boot on, instead he had a metal foot, as he passed out the frylord entered._

"Take him to a cage before he wakes up" He ordered/

"Sigh, Yes my frylord"

_Tak got a control out of her PAK and pressed a few buttons, the bed like thing in which Skoodge was operated started to move and then it floats, Tak took Skoodge to the cage and meanwhile Sizz-Lorr continued to walk to the piloting room, once there he stands at the windshield, he sees the stars and the milky wave planets passing by._

"Red, you asshole, you will pay"

_He got a communicator out of his PAK and waited for the call to go trough, after a few minutes Sgt Hobo 678 appeared on the screen, he has even more robotic parts on his body._

"Finally we get an answer from you slime licking smort crab! Did you kill Red yet?"

"No"

_The Hobo pounds his fist on the wall, leaving a huge hole._

"But we already have Skoodge with us and a hostage."

"Skoodge? A hostage?"

"Yes ,,. you are not gonna believe this but Zim IS alive"

"WHAT!" The Hobo exploded "That can't be right! He should be dead! Eaten alive by the meant hungry Digestors"

"I thought that too but he is alive on that nasty blue planet, for some reason he helped that lying bastard, so we kidnapped someone he appears to be close with, maybe that way he'll do the job of destroying Red for us"

"And what if he doesn't?"

"Then it's the Digestor for his little friend" He grinned.

_The frycook terminated the call and started to look at the stars once again._

"Having allies does have its advantages"

_After a few hours Skoodge finally "woke up" and noticed his surroundings, he was in a small cage, he could see better because his eyesight was coming back to him, he lifted his pants and saw that he no longer had green skin but a metal exterior where his right leg should be._

"It's been years Skoodge" A voiced said soothingly.

_Skoodge snapped out of his thoughts and turns his head to where the voice came from, he saw Gaz in an equally small cage, suppressing tears._

"Hey! I remember you! You're Zim's old human girlfriend!"

_Gaz blushed._

"Actually we never became a couple"

_One thing that she regretted and that may never happen._

"What are you doing here?" He asked skeptically.

"Well, long story short it's because of one of your cowardly leaders arrived on Earth a few hours ago".

"That's bad right?"

Gaz gave him a stare that said, "what are you stupid?"

He understood and then asked something else "And why did they capture you? I mean what use are you to them?"

"Apparently that red guy as you call him got us involved in this mess and so it's pretty much up to Zim to figure things up… Aw man, am I screwed".

"Why do you doubt he will?"

"Look I realize I don't know him as long as you have Skoodge but even YOU know Zim is not the brightest person around" She pointed out "I mean come on when I met him he made Jar Jar Binkslook like Einstein!"

"Oh"

"Yeah... Oh".

"So your right, we ARE screwed".

After an uncomfortable silence Gaz spoke again "Skoodge, Can I trust you with something very, VERY important?"

"I don't know. What is it?" He asked suspiciously.

The blue haired woman bits ger lower lip and finally uttered the words "I'm pregnant"

_Planet Earth (A few hours later):_

"The president's been kidnapped by a huge unidentified green person wearing a brown mask" The newscaster said drowsily "Authorities have no idea who he was but some witnesses have told us that this person tried to kill the president and failed horribly, the president fought back but witnesses say he lost his right leg, we have reasons to believe he's still alive but we don't know for how long, the kidnapper took the president and flew into the sky, some people believe he was abducted by an alien"

_Laughter could be heard in the background, but the situation was a serious one and laughter was unacceptable at the time._

"Getting back to the subject at hand" the Newscaster said sternly "Here's a drawing of the culprit.

_A horrible drawing of Sizz-Lorr in his brown mask and spatula is shown on the screen._

"If you have any information about him, please call this number"

_A phone number is shown at the bottom of the drawing._

"A large reward is offered, REPEAT A LARGE REWARD IS OFFERED!"

_People all over the United States watched the devastated news of their leader, some people were crying, others were pissed but one person in particular was going to do something about it._

Newscaster: In other news…

_The TV set was turn off._

"Who is his fucking mind would do this?" A woman in her early 20's screeched. "This person obviously has a death wish"

"Yes this is horrible" A man sitting in the shadows said.

_The young woman got up from her seat and gave her boss the most concerned look any person would give at this situation._

"Sir! Permission to take this mission!"

"Permission denied!" He said. "We need someone with experience"

"I feared you would say that sir"

"Get a hold of my two best merciless spies"

"You mean?"

"Yes" The Boss nodded "Get a hold of Zim and Jess, is time they met for a very dangerous mission"

"Yes Sir!" The woman saluted.

_The young woman ran out of her boss's office and head towards another room, the door closes and The Boss gets up from his chair, he walks to a window shield and sees the main room of his headquarters, he sees all of his spies doing some training, others receiving new recruits and others exchanging information._

"Everything around us seems to fall apart."

* * *

_Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. I do however own Reb, Jess, The Boss and cannot be used without permission._

_I know Gaz would NOT be considered to be a Star Wars fan, but I REALLY couldn't resist putting that in, I dunno know why but Jar Jar Binks sort of reminds me of Zim, only he is even clumsier and not evil._

_Which reminds me Jar Jar Binks belongs to Gerorge Lucas._

_And I TOLD you guys the mystery characters from chapter two would re-appear again, did any of you expected the Nightmare versions of Gaz and Nny? Didja? Huh?._

_So anyway what you guys think of the whole action scene I wrote for Skoodge?_

_Was it good or bad?_

_I'm asking because I'm not very good writing action scenes._

_And I'm sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, I have no excuse except my real life._

_I hope this was long enough to satisfy you readers for a while._

_Next chapter I will have a whole scene of how to break Dib out of the Crazy House and I will have a surprise for you Purple Tallest fans._

_Another thing, if you guys have any constructive criticism I'll like to hear it._

_Here's a few things you guys are probably wondering:_

_Jess doesn't know that Zim is a spy and vice versa._

_Here's a little history on Jess: She used to work for the FBI but she hardly interacted with her co-workers, after some very impressive work she did on her own she was offered a position as a spy that she declined at first but after much persuasion she took the job and after six years she became one if the most respected women in the headquarters but she and Zim never saw each other in their place of work because they usually are too busy and they leave for different places constantly._

_I call the head human "The Boss" because I can't think of a name at the moment._

_Tak works at Shloogorgh because she is considered a defective like Zim AND THATS WHY SHE IS WITH Sizz-Lorr._

_Now what I'm about to tell you is something I been debating for a while and I CAN'T decide so I'm leaving this idea up to you by voting, I been thinking of making this fic into a crossover either with American Dad or Danny Phantom, should I go on with that idea or leave it just within the Invader Zim universe?" _

_By the way if I don't post anything within the next two months its because of my final major project at college, I'm just giving you guys a warning because I'll probably wont be in FFN for the next two months or so. _

_Invader Johnny Signing Off_


	7. Our Heroes Are Screwed Or Are They?

_WHOO-HOO! I'M BACK!! DIDJA MISS ME?! HUH? HUH?_

_Yeah I bet ya all did!, because I sure missed being here!!_

_Disclaimer: Invader Zim and Nightmare Nny belong to Jhonen Vasquez. I do however own Reb, and all my other characters from the spy organization as well as Tallest Kijani._

_Now like I said before, in this chapter I wrote a few scenes for Dib in the Crazy House and a surprise for you all, heheheheheh._

* * *

_Chapter Seven:_

_Crazy House For Men:_

"Did he just call me Dib?"

"Well yeah that's your name isn't it?" A female voice replied.

"You again" Dib snarled.

"Yes me!" the mystery voice said "Now shut up and come back to your nightmare world, there are things we need to discuss."

"What makes you think I want to talk to YOU?" Dib snapped,

"Because Dib. Aside from all the other monsters in your sick twisted mind, I'm the only one who can keep you sane."

"I still don't trust you."

"Ah, But you seem to trust Zim."

"No I don't."

"Then what?" She asked spitefully. "You seem to snap out of your sole protector of Earth bull crap long enough to make an alliance with him."

"I'm depending on him to take me with him to rescue Gaz" He answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world "And just because he says that he wants help my sister it doesn't mean that I automatically trust him... Not after all the stuff he did to Earth at any rate"

"I see." The voice said slowly "But have you ever thought that Zim may have been trying to do you a favor a few of those times he tried to kill the human race?"

"Oh, NOW you're the one who is talking bull crap!"

"I'm serious Dib" The female said amused "After all, maybe you haven't admitted to others but you at least admitted it to yourself that you have some level of hatred for a few of your fellow humans"

"Yeah… so?"

"Then why didn't you let Zim end the life of those you caused you pain?"

"What kind of person would I be if I got selective about who gets to live and who doesn't?" Dib shot back,

"I been in your head Dib" The voice said curtly "I KNOW that sometimes you get the feeling that those retards you were forced to go to skool with, did deserve a horrible fate"

"Hence the fact that even if I trusted Zim I still wouldn't trust you."

"Are you referring to me? Or my other self in your dimension?"

"Does it matter?".

"As a matter of fact, yes it does, now quit stalling and get your ass in your head right NOW!"

"That's a nice mental image you just gave me" Dib said disgusted.

"Eh, you should see what some of those monsters you created do to entertain themselves… some ideas are quite disturbing "

"And you are telling me this why?".

"Because until you do decide to enter you're fucked up mind I have no choice but to make you uncomfortable and enjoy watching you squirm"

"I…. Hate…… you." Dib said coldly

_The voice crackles, Dib's skin became strangely whiter._

"Remember Dib; I'm practically the only friend you have in reality and in your mind."

_He scowled darkly at the voice._

"It's sad really, I'm your only friend and yet you see me as your enemy".

"That's because you are!" Dib said scornfully.

"Dib's sanity has left the building," The female voice taunted, chuckling at the irony of the statement.

"_**Stop messing with my mind!"**_

"This is as honest as I'll ever be Dib." The female whispered "And if your hatred towards _her _blinds your judgment then you really do have a problem… and maybe just mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyybe you _DO_ belong in that nuthouse.

_Dib hesitated until he finally accepted to have a conversation with the Nightmare creature._

"You win"

"Excellent."

_Dib closed his amber eyes, he concentrated really hard, a flash of white light appeared and disappeared, as he opened his eyes the human noticed that he's once again entered his Nightmare World only this time he was not in his cell but in a small white room with two seats and a table, which apparently were alive as they were moving and trying to run but their feet were nailed to the ground._

_Dib finally sat down on a chair, the seat moves uncontrollably, it was in pain but it didn't have a mouth to scream so it had no other choice but to accept its suffering, after a moment a door appeared out of nowhere and it opens by itself, a Nightmare creature enters and gives Dib a creepy smile._

"Thank you for coming Dib."

_The door disappears._

"You had to bring up the friend thing didn't you Tak?"

_The Nightmare version of Tak was gray instead of green with large purple eyes but these eyes didn't shine like the rest of the Irkens did, aside from the skin color and the dead like insect like eyes, this extraterrestrial had no feet, she used her PAK in order to walk (which had REAL spider legs), her antennae were blood red, she had a tongue like a snake, she was shorter than in reality and instead of having her purple uniform, she wore a green one instead, and to make things really scary her mole seemed to be alive as well._

_She takes a seat and the chair moves uncontrollably just as the first one did._

"What other way can I get you to talk to me?"

"Besides the disturbing images you gave me, you have no other way."

Nightmare Tak grinned "Exactly… Loneliness was always your weakness Dib."

"You seemed to know a whole lot about me."

"Well Duh." She snapped "Ten years is enough time to get to know you in a way that not even your dad could."

_The young man scowled at the mention of his father._

"Ok enough of this, what is it that you want to talk about?" Dib asked hatefully.

"Two things actually, first, about your recent predicament, I heard the conversation you had with….. _Zim_" the name was said like it was poison to the disfigured Irken_ "_And from what I heard you're planning to escape the Crazy House, am I right?

_Dib nodded._

"So my question is this, do you plan to take someone with you to help you on this rescue mission?"

_Dib gave her a face that said you have one sick sense of humor._

"Why would I do that?" He asked startled. "Bringing a monster with me would cause more problems!... Problems which by the way I cannot afford to have!"

"Well you might want to give this a second thought" Tak said sharply "After all this could be a very dangerous trip and it would be wise to take a creature with experience in the field of war."

"Like whom? You?"

_The Nightmare Irken laughs bitterly._

"Oh, believe me Dib." She said as she got an imaginary tear out of her purple eye "If I was so desperate to get out of here I would be threatening you right now with my weapons."

_Dib raised an eyebrow._

"Then who?"

"Once your Nightmare sister comes tonight you will met a creature by the name of Nny, he's kinda well… criminally insane but if your going on a death trip you might as well have all the help you can get."

"You're kidding me right?" He gaped "You want me to bring into MY world a creature who could kill me at any moment?!?!?!"

"He won't kill you…Just don't get in his way and you'll get along just fine".

_Dib gulped._

"Oh don't be afraid," She cooed "If you saved the world from one insane alien you can surely survive a trip with a homicidal maniac."

"There's a difference between saying something and DOING something you know?"

"Now down to second business" She said ignoring Dib's remark "Is there another reason you decided to go along with this crazy thing?

"No." He said quicky " And don't say the word crazy!"

She smirks "Crazy".

_**"GAH!"**_

"As much as your disconfort amuses me," Nightmare Tak comented "Do you really think I'm that gullible? I'm I your head all the time and you know that I can read your every though."

"I though we agreed you would stop doing that." He said in a bored tone.

_She snickers._

"YOU agreed I never told you I would"

_He groans._

"Well yes, now that you mentioned it, I do have a second reason." Dib admitted gravely.

"The Irken female is it not?" Tak asked.

"Yes." Dib said hatefully. "I have a score to settle with her".

_The nightmare alien nodded._

"She used me to get the information she wanted about Earth." Dib said shutting his eyes "I felled for her and in returned I got my heart broken."

"Oh boo-hoo your gonna make me cry."

_The young "Paranormal Investigator" decided to ignore the sarcasm. _

"That's the reason I do not trust you. I'm not letting this happen again."

"Dib, you should know by now that not all the creatures in here have the same personality as the people in your world". Tak said seriously I mean I haven't done anything remotely of what my counterpart did to you now have I?"

"No…. No you haven't".

"You even let me into your life and even though you say you don't trust me, deep down you know you do."

"That's a lie!"

"You keep telling yourself that".

_Dib glared daggers at the Irken._

Why… I bet that by the end of this whole ordeal you will forgive Tak."

"Don't count on it." He said noticing the evil smirk she was giving him.

"_Well, see Dib… we'll see"._

"Anyway just because you say you want to help me, it doesn't make it true."

"And why not? Is it because I'm Irken?" _Dib didn't say anything_ "Or is it because I remind you of the real Tak."

_Dib still didn't say anything._

"You know what I think?"

"No."

"I THINK you began to trust me the day you learned where you actually came from."

"You can't prove anything!" He hollowed.

Tak turned in her chair to face her so called friend. "Don't give me that shit _Dibby_." she said cruelly, a wicked smile on her face.

_The human scowled darkly since hated that nickname Tak gave him, he was sure she only call him that to spite him._

Tak smiled sadistically "From what you told me you and your sister aren't what others human would call normal" She muttered seductively "Because you two are actually nothing more than experiments… sick creations you dad made _in the name of science!"_

"So WHAT?!" He roared fiercely "One old painful memory is nothing."

"That's what your sister would've most likely said."

"Are you comparing me with Gaz?"

"What if I am?" She challenged, all-out grinning.

"Gaz knows she's also an experiment." Dib said madly.

"Yeah but she doesn't care." Tak said sweetly.

"Well she should!" He retorted.

_He noticed she was giving him a face of sympathy, it always annoyed Dib that this twisted version of the real Tak changed mood at any random moments, he was sure THIS Tak came into his life to just make his existence harder than it need to be, he hated when she was cheerful the most, it reminded him of the fake act he was forced to endure day in and day out when those doctors, nurses and white coats came in and tried to reason with him whenever any situation big or small arises._

"I wish she did... I wish things could be different."

"Well Dibby you can't changed reality but you _CAN_ do something about you life" She said wisely "But that depends weather or not you want to do something about it".

_Dib raised an eyebrow. _"Why does that sound so familiar?" He demanded.

_The creature smirks cruelly._

"Well I better call your "sister"; I'm sure she'll be pleased to know you accepted her help."

"Answer me!"

"You figure it out".

_Her four spider legs lifted her from the seat and heads toward the door that once again appears out of nowhere._

"Why bother?" He spat.

_She didn't answer him._

_She goes away however Dib did not, he decided to stay a bit longer and think about the resent talks he had with his old nemesis and the nightmare alien and no matter how much he wanted to deny it he knew that both real and nightmare Irkens told him things that were indeed true, just as he was about to got up he swore he heard Tak's voice._

"Because, you know you have to".

Dib was seething, but he grudgingly nodded.

* * *

_Zim's Ferrari:_

"What has my mistress gotten herself into!" Reb whined.

"Squeak!"

"I don't like you"

"Squeak! Squeak!"

"Translation: What's with you? You been pissed at Zim for no apparent reason."

"Oh believe you me. I have a good reason to be pissed at him."

"Squeak!"

"Translation: Mind sharing it?"

"It's too complicated."

"Squeak!"

"Translation: Try me."

."I can't tell you." Reb said exasperated.

"Squeak!"

"Because…"

"Squeak!"

"Because if I tell you that my mistress is having ZIM'S baby, you'll tell him!"

_The black robot groans as she falls back on her, then she opens her eyes as she realizes what she just said. _

"Oh sweet merciful crap." She thought miserably.

_She turns to the backseat and sees MiniMoose staring at her, he was shocked to hear the news, in other words his face was too funny to describe so use your imagination, ok people?_

"There's no way I can bribe you to make you forget I said that. Can I?"

"Squeak!" MiniMoose replied seriously.

"I was afraid of that."

"Squeak!"

"Translation: So you and I will have the same masters?"

"That's what it says in the S.I.R Unit protocol." Reb replied ashamed.

"Squeak!"

"Well I'm not supposed to say anything but since I screwed up big time I might as well tell you but only if you promise NOT to tell your idiot master because MY mistress will do that."

"Squeak!"

"Translation: Promise."

_Reb still didn't want to say anything but if she didn't, MiniMoose would most likely blab what she spilled to Zim, so in a way she didn't have a choice._

'Sigh, well is like this, it all started…"

* * *

_Flashback to This Morning:_

_Gaz wakes up when she hears a scream, she groans as she gets up._

"Who would even THINK of…. screaming...this early…. In the… morning?"

_The blue haired woman looks at her surroundings, Gaz feels a little cold in her upper part of her body, and she looks down and noticed she was completely naked. Only the bed sheets covered her waist, and her chest was shown to the world. In a frightened instant she covered up, trying to remember what the hell happened last night._

"Where am I?" She thought disorientated "What in the world…?"

_Memories of what happened slowly came back to her. She blushed and grinned at the little incidents from last night._

"Zim…He really is back." She marveled "So it wasn't a dream".

":I see you finally decided to loosen up." A voice said.

_Gaz turns her head and sees her S.I.R Unit, the robot's greenish-yellow eyes looking back at her mistress, she notices the way she's covering her body, Reb looks around the room and sees Gaz's clothes on the floor; the robot raises an invisible eyebrow at Gaz. The human only blushes._

"Reb? How did you…?"

"Doesn't matter how I found you," The robot said sternly before Gaz managed to finish her question "What matters is that the green alien down there had better NOT done ANYTHING to you because if he has, I'll make sure to end his life this instant!"

_Gaz snickers at her statement._

"What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing, you wouldn't understand."

_Reb decided to let go of the subject for now, but she still planned to make sure that her mistress was not hurt in any way._ _The custom made robot walked to the bed, got in and took the sheets off Gaz's body._

"**_OH! MY EYES! MY EYES! THEY'RE BLEEDING!!!"_**

_Gaz blushed, and covers her body with the sheets as her robot continued to scream and blinding her eyes with her hands._

"REB!!" It's not that bad... Is it?"

_Eventually the android stopped running around and then looked at her mistress forcing herself to not look bellow the neck, she felt relieved when she saw Gaz covered in the bed sheets._

"You could have warned me you know!" Reb snapped embarrassed "Looking at my mistress naked is NOT something I planned to do at any moment of my life!"

_Gaz couldn't help but snicker at the show her S.I.R Unit just treated for her._

_But the fun was over when Reb grabbed the sheets and tossed them off the bed, now if robots could blush, Reb's face would be bright red right about now, she was very uncomfortable with this situation and instead of looking she shut her eyes closed._

"Just pretend she's wearing some clothes." She thought awkwardly.

_The black S.I.R Unit looked away as some cables came out of her head and the plate in her chest became a screen, at the moment it was pitch black, suddenly the blank screen turns to life as soon as the cables attached themselves to different parts of Gaz's pale body._

"Um, Reb? What are you doing?"

"I don't trust this Zim guy so I'm making sure he didn't infect you with anything that could hurt you."

"Calm down Reb, Zim didn't do anything to me; we just had a little fun last night."

"Better safe than sorry mistress".

_A few beeping sounds that came from the screen could only be heard, after a few minutes, the green screen turns blue, Reb dared to open her greenish-yellowish eyes and looked down at her chest plate and her eyes suddenly became black as she fainted._

"_**REB!".**_

_She got her naked body off the bed and grabs her robot by the shoulders and shakes her, after a few minutes, her eyes turned back to life (Red eyes) and gives Gaz the most murderous look she has ever seen._

"_**I'M GONNA KILL HIM!"**_

"Who?"

"ZIM!"

"_**WHAT?!?! WHY?!?!?!"**_

"For what he did to you!"

"W… what's wrong with me?" Gaz demanded "I feel perfectly fine, Reb, whatever it is you have no right to kill h…"

"You're pregnant."

_Gaz's eyes seemed to pop out of her eye sockets._

"What? What did you say Reb?"

"You… are… pregnant."

_Gaz wrapped her arms around her middle as she sat on the queen size bed. This wasn't happening._

"Soooo can I kill the lying bastard now?"

_Gaz began to cry; needless to say this surprised Reb. Gaz lowered her head hiding her eyes behind her hair. Tears ran down her cheeks. Reb walked and sat next to her mistress, her robotic arm moved and wiped a few tears off Gaz's soft pale face._

"Mistress? What's wrong?"

"It's just that I'm afraid."

"Of what?" She asked obliviously "Of getting caught if I kill the guy?" Not to worry, murder's only illegal if you get caught!"

"**NOT THAT!"** Gaz screeched.

"Then what?"

"Of what might happen during the baby's birth."

_Reb's eyes widened as she heard those words._

"You're planning to keep it!"

"Yeah why shouldn't I?"

"Because, it's … your not suppose to… you will."

_Reb groans._

"Mistress, think about it, you can't have this baby, you can't raise it alone."

"I'm not going to raise it alone Reb."

"Your not?" the black robot asked surprised evident in her voice "Then who the hell is going to help you! I don't know ANYTHING about babies and furthermore…."

_She looks at Gaz's face, she realize what the human meant._

"Please please and please, tell me you're not thinking about blabbing this to the Irken."

"Ok then. I won't."

"**_GAH! WHY?!?!"_**

"Because he has a right to know... you may not like it but I have to tell him."

"No you don't!" Reb screeched "You don't know what he'll say or do! He might kill you if he finds out about this!"

"Reb… shut up."

"No, I don't think I will, you think he'll like to know he knocked you over! He's an Irken and… and… he's **INSANE! I WILL NOT ALLOW HIM TO DO ANYTHING TO YOU!"**

_Awkward silence came to the room._

"Mistress, you know that part of my programming is to protect you and that's what I'm going to do weather you like it or not."

"Well Reb I think I can make my own decisions, now you may not like it but I have to, if I don't…"

"If you don't what?"

"I may not have this child." Gaz said scared.

_Reb looks at her with stunned eyes._

"Reb, I don't know why but I want this kid and Zim knows more about his people than I do, let's not forget that I'm having a child who's HALF Irken and who knows, the baby may not be born the same way as humans do."

_The S.I.R Unit acknowledged this information to be true, she couldn't deliverer Gaz's baby on her own and who better than the father to help?_

"I guess so, I still think this is a bad idea but I trust you mistress, I just hope you know what you're doing."

"Thanks Reb."

"So when are you gonna tell him?"

"When we're alone."

_Gaz eventually got up from the bed and walked her pale naked body to the other side of the bedroom and picked up her clothes._

"I'm gonna have to get this washed."

"No doubt."

_Reb immediately grabbed the clothes and opened a little metallic backpack that Gaz installed for Reb a couple of years ago, the robot opens it giving her mistress some clean clothes which ironically were the same ones Gaz wore the night before. Reb put the filthy ones in the metal backpack._

"How did you know I would need clean clothes?"

_Reb shrugged._

* * *

_Flashback ends:_

'Squeak!"

"I swear the sooner this is all over the sooner I'll erase all of this from my memory disk"

"Squeak!".

"Yeah, so that one more reason to rescue my mistress" Reb said mercilessly "She is about to become A MOTHER!"

"Whose about to become a mother?"

_Reb stayed motionless, she wished she hasn't heard Zim's voice, unfortunately she did, and she turned around and saw the Irken on the other side of the car door chocking Red for some reason, his fake human eyes filled with curiosity._

"Answer Zim!"

"How could this moron help my mistress is beyond me." Reb thought grimly.

"Sque…"

_Reb slapped MiniMoose's mouth shut._

"A neighbor of my mistress! Uh yeah! She's eight and a half months pregnant and she will give birth very soon, I was just telling Moose boy here about my life with Gaz, this lady happens to be friends with her."

_The ex-invader lifted an invisible eyebrow at the robot's answer._

"Ookkkkkkkkkk, then now that my business here is done I guess we can go."

_The Irken opened the back door and shoves Red inside, Zim then enters the car and drives away from the building._

"I hope Gaz is ok." Zim thought grimly.

* * *

_Shloogorghs ship:_

_Skoodge was inspecting Gaz with a device that he got out of his PAK, he moved the device over Gaz's stomach for a few seconds until a sound came from it and the Irken reads what the small screen says._

"Well?"

"It says here that you'll be fine… no mayor damage was done to your body so your smeet should be fine as well." Skoodge told Gaz curtly.

_Skoodge retracts the device in his PAK, then he looks at his human "friend", she showed a face of confusion._

"Smeet?" Gaz repeated.

"Oh sorry, your_ baby _will be fine."

_Gaz sighs in relief at the news._

"Thank god that crazy bitch didn't kick me hard." She said worried "I guess these nine months will be hell for me."

_Now the president gave a face of confusion._

"Nine?"

"Yes nine, that's how long a human baby will be in my stomach…." Gaz said irritated "Damn, Skoodge you have been living on Earth as long as Zim and you are still as ignorant as when you first arrived."

"Ummmm it's not that, actually according to my little device thingy it will be less than that."

_Gaz's eyes become blood red._

"**WHAT?!?!?!**"

"Well… remember I told you about the test tube method?"

"Yessss."

"Before scientist made it. Irken females only had the smeets in their stomach for about 5 months then 2 more weeks until the egg hatches."

_The news practically made her eyes blow right out of their sockets._

"**AN EGG!"** Gaz exploded **_"I'M GONNA KILL ZIM FOR THIS!!"_**

_The ex-invader made a shhh sound to silence the angry female, he was lucky that they were in different cells otherwise Gaz would be beating the living crap out of him right about now. In a moment of clarity he decided to try and calm her down._

"So you're having a smeet with Zim, huh?" He asked calmly but terrified at the same time "I never thought he would be a Slorgak."

"_**A WHAT?!?!?!"**_

_She didn't know what Skoodge was talking about but it sounded bad/_

"Skoodge, what the hell is a Slorhad or Skolgard or whatever you just said?!".

"A Slorgak." He corrected "Someone who is attracted to a member of a different alien race.

"You say it as if it was a disgusting thing."

"Huh? What? ... No! No it's not!" He said not wanting to anger her any more "To be honest some races are repulsed by the idea of two different aliens being involved in a romantic way but others are very open minded about it. For instance back in the day the Vortians were our allies, their scientist began to have affairs with Irken scientist. It was supposed to strengthen bonds between races and whatnot, and helped build a sense of unity. But after a horrible conflict the alliance was broken and so were the Slorgak couples, rumors has it that the couples were the cause of the conflict to begin with since most if not all military equipment for the Irken army ended up being poorly build and it resulted with the demised of several soldiers in the battlefield."

_Gaz raised an eyebrow at this, obviously she wasn't expecting this sort of information, nevertheless she continued to listen to Skoodge's history lesson._

"Because of the robots and other technological stuff were rendered useless Tallest Miyuki was planning to eliminate this idea that at the time was called "The unity" and even thought it's now considered a crime in the military to have affairs with other aliens, several still carry on this in secret or so the rumors say".

So, I guess I'm a Slorgak." Gaz said.

"Nevertheless. Zim must be exited about having a kid." Skoodge couldn't help but make a face at the type of father the defective would turn out to be.

"Actually he doesn't know about it."

"Somehow I'm not surprised" He thought "Why not?" He said out loud.

"Because it happened last night and before I got a chance to tell him, I was abducted."

"Oh… OH I see what you mean."

"_Moron." She thought in pure annoyance._

'Still, it would be best if keep this between us for now."

_Gaz nodded, he was right, and from what he told her earlier, Irkens no longer have sex to reproduce and having a natural unmonitored birth would be against Irken laws so if either Sizz-Lorr, Tak or Mimi were to find out they would tell their superiors and from there. Scientist could perform horrible experiments on her and most likely killing her smeet before it was even born._

"So we're going to Irk?" She asked.

"Looks like it."

"You couldn't be more wrong" Sizz-Lorr's voice came out of nowhere.

_Skoodge and Gaz turned their heads and saw the frycook entering the room, Gaz was hoping he didn't hear anything about the child luckily for her, the fry-lord didn't, Sizz-Lorr walked to the human and grabbed her face with his left hand._

"We wouldn't want our hostage to get killed in our home world now would we?" He said mockingly.

_Gaz bites Sizz-Lorr's finger, he yelps._

"Consider yourself lucky that you'll be safe from all danger human" Sizz-Lorr snarled as he cradled his hand.

"It's so nice to know your thinking of me." She shot back sarcastically.

_Sizz-Lorr was about to punch her but Skoodge being the good guy that he is tried to get the Frylord's attention, which he got._

"Wait, if you're not taking us to Irk then where are we going?"

"Let me show you both."

_The frylord opened both cells and grabbed his prisoners by the head and takes them to the main room of the ship. Tak was driving while Mimi was still recharging, He showed both Human and Irken the planet they were approaching._

"**_FOODCOURTIA!!!" _**Skoodge couldn't help but scream, if what Zim told his was truth, this worldwould end up being Gaz's doom, considering all the degrading jobs slaves were forced to do on that fast food planet.

"Home sweet home." Tak said miserably.

_The large vessel enters the planet's atmosphere and flies towards the well known restaurant of Shloogorghs, Tak parks the ship and they all get off (Sizz-Lorr still holding Gaz and Skoodge by their heads) a ray sends the vessel atom by atom to the ship storage. Tak is very unhappy about returning to her place of work, Mimi was playing with a rubber pig (DON'T ask me where she got it) and Sizz-Lorr drags his prisoners to the restaurant._

"Zim should be the one working here! NOT ME!" Tak exploded clenching her fists.

_Sizz-Lorr never got over the fact that Zim escaped twice from his exile and he hated to be reminded of those painful memories._

'This is your punishment Tak, so shut up and get in." He said mercilessly.

_They all enter, the customers stop eating as they looked at the entrance, some of the aliens gave Gaz a look that said 'What the hell are you?', obviously none of these aliens ever saw a human in their lives._

_But a few particular aliens gave her a face of recognition as if they saw her species before._

"Hey Spoopty isn't that a human?" A Plookesian asked his comrade.

"She is. Isn't she, Mooshy?"

"Should we tell Dwicky about her?"

"Ummmm Nah."

_And the started to eat their taquitos._

_Gashloog and another Irken employee ran towards Tak and Gaz and gave them the Shloogorghs uniform, they planned to dress them up immediately but they got their ass kicked by both females, both Irkens moaned in pain, Sizz-Lorr let go of Skoodge and grabbed Tak by her head, a cable came out of the ceiling and attached itself to Skoodge's PAK so he wouldn't try to escape._

"Remember Tak. Your PAK has you encoded as a food service drone so weather you like it or not, you have to wear the uniform. NOW!"

_She grudgingly nodded._

_The massive Irken let her go. The female grabbed her uniform with sorrow and regret, as much as she hated this job she had no choice but to do it, she wore the goggles and the red hat with the "S" on it, and she finally put on the filthy white apron._

"You are a disgrace of what you used to be!" She thought disgusted with herself.

"This sucks." Gaz said.

"You think?" Tak shot back.

"It gets better." The frycook told them both.

_Sizz-Lorr puts Gaz in front of the Shloogorghs sign and a large tube covered Gaz, in a few seconds she tube went back to its place behind the sign revealing the young woman wearing the same uniform as Tak, except hers was more filthy and she now wore a belt. (That she can't remove)_

"What's this?" The human asked, pointing at the belt.

"An electric belt," A voice came from behind the counter.

_Gaz acknowledge the voice and turned around and saw yet another Irken in the degrading Shloogorghs_ _uniform, from the looks of it, this Irken was female due to the eyelashes and curly antennae she had_ _light purple eyes and still wore her invader uniform from underneath the filthy apron, Gaz noticed that this alien also wore a belt similar to hers, obviously she had endured some punishment from her boss due to some disfiguring scars on her lower jaw and apparently she also endured pain from the belt since she was trembling uncontrollably at the moment, hard to believe this alien could cause any sort of trouble._

"Every time you disobey an order, your body will receive a bolt of electricity and every time the electricity will increase." The unnamed female said bringing Gaz back to reality.

Gaz was now wide eyed at the information "Oh shit"

"This is not good." Skoodge thought at the same time.

To illustrate the point Sizz-Lorr got a remote from out of his pocket and pressed a button , soon enough both Gaz and the Irken female were now on the floor screaming in pain, Skoodge stared horrified, while all the other aliens in the restaurant just stared amused at the show they only got every now and then.

_The fry-cook pressed the button again and now both females breathing became shallow._

"Consider this a warning human" Sizz-Lorr said smiling cruelly "Oh and by the way your pain is endearing."

Gaz with all the strength she could mutter tried to get up and glared at him. "I hope you still find it endearing when my fist is hitting your teeth."

"I highly doubt that," Sizz-Lorr replied "NOW GET TO WORK!"

_The other employee grabbed Tak by her wrist and took her to the kitchen, Mimi tried to follow but he was grabbed by the Frylord._

"Oh no, your coming with me." He said then turned his head to address another Irken "GASHLOOG!"

"Sir"! He Saluted.

"You are in charge until I come back. Skoodge and I are going on a little trip." Sizz-Lorr said cruelly, scaring the president of Earth.

"_What is he planning?"_ Skoodge thought terrified.

"Yes sir!" Gashloog saluted again.

"What! That's not fair!" Tak complained "I'm taller than him. I should be in charge!"

"You're a slave Tak." He reminded her "You have no say in this."

_Tak just cussed a few words in Irken._

"As for you human" Sizz-Lorr said now looking down at the fallen Gaz "Take the register. I don't want an inferior alien scum touching our delicious snacks."

_Gaz was clenching her fists, every bone in her body wanted to kill the Irken and remove whatever organs he had, but the reasonable side told her to just follow the order. She was lucky that the early kick in her stomach didn't hurt her but electricity was much worse and she could not take any chances right now._

"All right." Gaz said surprisingly calm.

_Sizz-Lorr grabbed Skoodge as the cable released him, they both left the restaurant leaving behind a pregnant woman and an Irken slave without her S.I.R Unit._

_Eric the Blob enters the restaurant._

"Uuuh, I'll have a deep fried mooshminky and a jumbofied sack of Vort dogs! Eh..." The Cyclops alien said as he approached the counter.

"This will be hell." Gaz hissed.

"Don't let him get to you" The female Irken told her calmly "Otherwise you'll let him win faster"

"I'll keep that in mind, ummm"

"I'm Zee by the way"

"Gaz".

* * *

_Now back to Earth:_

"Wait wait wait, where the hell is Dib!" Reb demanded. 'Isn't he going to help!"

"Yes but for some reason he didn't want Zim's ingenious help to get him out of there."

"Big surprise." Red sneered, this of course ended badly for him as Zim ended up punching him where his nose would be.

"OWW"

_Zim decided to ignore the annoyance, he started to drive home, he clearly needed to get his old ship ready as well as Red's and rebuild it once he got Tak's old ship, after all his Voot Cruiser, the Vortian vessel and the spittle runner should be big enough to take five people to Irk, right?_

"What is your plan of attack?"

_Zim came out of his thinking trance._

"What?"

"Plan of attack," Reb repeated "I mean a plan to use against the enemy."

"Reb, if you haven't noticed, so far I've just been getting help from the Dib, no doubt we are still way outnumbered so my plan so far is to get more help from other races who want revenge on the Empire, hopefully that would gives us a chance".

"_**HOPEFULLY!"**_

Red decided to join the conversation before the S.I.R Unit would murder the ex-invader "Zim, we HAVE to come up with something, I meet the resistance and I can tell you that we have a better chance doing this ourselves, last time I encountered those morons they call themselves 'The Resisty' or some other crappy name and they.

"Whoah, whoah whoah" Zim interrupted "Did you say the resisty?

Red nodded.

"That's a stupid name!".

"Says the poor naïve fool who think Zim is grandiose name" Reb said dryly

"**_OK THAT'S IT!"_** Zim bellowed angrily. **"I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR LACK OF RESPECT TOWARDS ME!"**

"The only one is respect is my mistress and I don't give a shit if you're my creator I will not respect someone who is the most pathetic excuse for an Irken, **_EVER! NO WONDER YOUR PEOPLE HATE YOUR GUTS!"_**

_Zim's eyes showed he was hurt by her comment._

"Squeak"

"Translation: Too far Reb, you went too far".

Even Red couldn't help but flinch here.

"You will respect me eventually Reb." That's all Zim managed to say.

Reb sneered and looked out the window.

_Zim then began to remember all those times Gir had help him with his plans to take over the Earth, the time they went to Mars, when they where in space and Gir called the monkey (Future Dib), When He, tried to replace Gir with MiniMoose and lastly when he, MiniMoose and Gir ALMOST conquered the world on Christmas, Zim gave a weak chuckle at those memories but then the most horrible thing came to mind, when Gir got shot by one of Vito's henchmen, Zim grabbed the steering wheel a little tighter, that moment always boiled his blood, he wanted to find the gangster and kill him in a way he could find satisfying._

"Gir."

"What?" Reb asked.

'I'm going to fix Gir once we get to Irk.'

'You mean that little dysfunctional robot?" Red asked incredulously "What will WE accomplish by fixing him?"

"Believe it or not _My Tallest_", Zim addressed his ex-leader mockingly "Gir was very useful to me once in a while and I have a feeling that I'm going to need his help once we go into space."

"Well can you come up with a plan that DOES work?" Red asked, obviously not having a tidbit of fate in Zim's plan so far.

_Zim was driving for a while until the beach came into view, he grinned._

"You two wanted a plan... I got one".

Red and Reb looked at each other.

* * *

_The Beach:_

"**_WATER! WATER!"_** Reb who was now in her cat disguise screamed exasperated. "You have to be kidding me Zim"

_MiniMoose does a barrel roll as he squeaks._

"My people get burned by this horrible Earth liquid." Zim explained shuddering "I'm sure I can demonstrate its use if you are still doubtful Reb" He finished giving the other Irken an evil glare.

"Uh, no, that's not necessary Zim" Red said nervously, the last time he came in contact with water was still fresh in his mind.

The robot couldn't help but smile wickedly here but frowned as a thought came to mind "But how are we gonna take a great amount of water with us?"

Zim frowned, obviously not thinking of that "I dunno… we'll think of something".

"Come on we don't have much time." Red said snapping them all out of their train of thoughts "If we want to get out of this planet we have to get everything ready… right?"

"For once I agree with you" Zim replied emotionless.

_Reb and MiniMoose looked at each other wondering what in the world the Irken defective is thinking._ _They both ran to catch up with the aliens; and_ _as soon as the four of them entered the car a ring was heard._

"What's that noise?" Red asked.

"That's my phone." Zim answered.

"Pho-ne?" He repeated "What's a pho-ne?"

_Zim got a cell phone out of his pocket._

"Hello?"

"_Hello Zim." A woman's voice was heard._

"What do you want now?"

"_The Boss wants you at the organization right now Zim"._

"Look Avery I'm in the middle of something VERY important right now, could you get another spy to cover for me this time?"

"_NO!" The woman who was revealed to be Avery screamed "Zim you and another spy have been chosen for this mission, now get your green ass at The Boss's office so you can meet your partner and start your assignment."_

The ex-invader was silent.

"Zim?"

"I'll be right there."

_They both hang up._

"What does this human want?" Reb questioned.

"I have a mission." The alien simply said.

"Yeah. Rescuing my mistress!"

"As much as I HATE to say this. Gaz will have to wait!"

"Like hell she will!" Reb screeched and took the wheel driving the Ferrari away from the beach.

_Red gave a loud bloody scream._

* * *

_Crazy House for Men (Night):_

_A nurse approached Dib's cell._

'Your dinner's here." The nurse said sweetly.

"Just give me the goddamn nachos and leave" Dib's voice was heard from the other side of the room.

_The nurse did as she was told, she opened the door and left a plate of nachos on the floor and left._

_Dib grabbed the plate and ate the nachos, he was still thinking about the conversations he had earlier with both real and nightmare Irkens but after a while he just started to watch a clock on the wall._

'Fifteen minutes till 9 o' clock."

_When he finished his nachos, he left the plate on the floor._

"Why would a nuthouse serve nachos for dinner?" He questioned skeptically.

_The watch gave nine o' clock, Dib knew what to do. He concentrated hard and in a matter of seconds a white light appeared and disappeared, the young man was now in his nightmare world, his amber eyes filled with curiosity._

"Where is she?"

"Calm down Dib, she'll be here." Nightmare Dib reassured his counterpart.

"She said nine o' clock sharp." The large headed man said annoyed.

"Yes she'll be OUTSIDE the Crazy House at nine " Nightmare Dib said irritated "Her friend is the one who will come and bust you out."

"How do you know?"

"A little alien told me."

"Well that's just good to hear."

_Just as soon as Dib said those words screaming was heard and apparently sharp objects were being used._

"Looks like he's here."

"Just how fucked up is my mind?" Dib asked horrified.

"Very." His nightmare self answered happily.

_As Dib gave his Nightmare self a glare, Nny enters the HUGE room with cells and got up on the "elevator" as soon as both Dibs saw him their faces were of shocked, he was covered in blood._

"What?" Nny asked "Haven't you seen blood before?"

"Yes I have but…" Both Dibs began to say.

"But?" Nny interrupted.

"You know I think I like it here in the Crazy House, maybe I'll let my dad help me out so see ya" Dib said very fast.

"Listen you little piece of shit I'm risking my ass to come and get you out of this place and the only reason I'm doing it is because you are related to Gaz so stop being a fucking coward and come here." Nightmare Nny said harshly.

"He's right you know." Nightmare Dib said.

"And how will you get me out? You don't even have a…"

_Nightmare Nny showed him a key that was still attached to a finger._

"Key."

_Dib just crapped his pants as he saw the dead finger._

"This guy is so screwed up." Dib thought "I think I just wet my pants"

_The homicidal creature opens the cell and Dib runs to the elevator._

"Um thanks."

"Don't thank me yet kid, I still haven't gotten you out of this place."

"What's your name?"

"Just call me Nny."

_Dib's eyes became twice as big when he heard the name._

"Holy crap… this is the guy Tak was talking about?" Dib thought, his left eye twitching. "No way I'm taking him to the real world."

_As they reached the floor the alarm went off._

"Oh crap!" Nny cursed.

"What do we do now?!"

"Ever heard the Mexican expression Patas para que te quiero?"

"No. What does it mean?" Dib asked.

"Run like hell." The homicidal maniac simply said.

"That's you plan?!" Din asked incredulously

"It is until I come up with something better!!!"

_They both ran in various places of the Nightmare Crazy House until Dib decided to hide in a empty room, Nny didn't want to but Dib's voice annoyed him and he knew that he wouldn't shut up until he did what he was told, unfortunately before they could enter a room someone saw them._

"In here!" The voice of the Nightmare White Coat Buck was heard.

"Correction. Oh shit!" Nny snarled.

"My thoughts exactly" Dib commented.

_Nny grabs Dib by his neck and runs away from the monsters, they released two moving straightjackets and they went after their prey._

"Mind letting go?... I can run myself Dib said trying to get some air back in his lungs.

"It's better than getting your body caught in one of those straightjackets kid." Nny shot back.

"Well what if you keep chocking me and I die?"

"Something good will come out of it at least."

_Dib gave Nny the finger but he didn't see it because he keep his purple eyes on the doors, each one with a different number, they eventually reached a brown door with the number 666 written on it._

"What? Another cell?"

"No Dib" Nightmare Nny said coldly "This is a shortcut to your freedom."

"Woo-hoo" Dib cheered.

_The white straightjackets were getting closer._

_Dib opens the door and enters, Nny goes after him and the door closes and disappears, the jackets don't make it to them and get hit by the wall. The White Coats look at each other in confusion, none of them remember EVER seing a door in this particular place, specially one so close to the cafeteria._

"Where did they go?" Buck asked.

"You think I know?" Chuck retorted.

* * *

"Arrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhh!"

_They both felled for a long time until they reached the floor. Dib with a loud SMACK! While Nny landed on his feet._

"Ow."

"Here we are." Nny said dryly.

"Here where?" Dib questioned rubbing is nose.

"This is the place where Gaz hid Tak's ship."

_Dib sees the place and reads the town's name._

"_Halloween Town?" _He wondered.

"Original name huh?" Nny said sarcastically.

"The name doesn't matter, what matters is why Gaz hid it here?"

"Because hiding it in your house was too obvious" Nny replied. "Now shut up and follow me, we'll meet with her and a few of her friends here"

"I wonder what kind of _friends _he's talking about". Dib sneered.

"The sooner he gets his life back in order, the better things will be for my world." Nny thought.

"Doesn't this place have any sort of light?" Dib asked.

"Assuming I don't kill him first" The nightmare killer thought annoyed.

* * *

_Ok my readers I'm afraid I'm gonna have to stop the chapter here, Surprisingly enough this is the second time I been forced to cut a chapter in half and let me tell ya, it NOT something I like doing, this chapter here is 26 pages long already and had I put the whole thing it would have been like 40 pages long!_

_But at least you HAVE something to read… isn't that what ya all wanted?_

_Well anyway just so you know, the next chapter Will revolve around Dib and Purple, but I just HAD to add Gaz and Zim here to full up a few plot holes that are gonna come up in later chapters._

_And also do to popular decree I won't be turning this into a crossover with American Dad or Danny Phantom but it WILL be a mild crossover with "The Nightmare Before Christmas", but ya probably guessed that from the ending of this chapter,_

_but like I said it's only gonna be a MILD crossover as in one chapter and that it! BUT if people like the interaction of NBC AND IZ characters then I would probably put little moments of NBC in at least an attempt to add comedy in serious scenes that could get ugly._

_You can blame the idea of a crossover on the fact that I been playing too muck Kingdom Hearts in my free time during the past two months and I been stuck on the Halloween Town level for too long._

_Now then yet another announcement, for those who been reading Invader Aqua's ZAGR fic I'm kinda obligated to inform ya that Invader Aqua and I are gonna do a little crossover with our works, I'm gonna let her borrow a few things from her and vice versa so I suggest you go and Read "Unlikely Hero" and "Unlikely Romance" just so you don't get confused on what exactly we are borrowing from one another._

_Invader Johnny Signing Off._


	8. Crap Happens In Different Worlds

_Ok Nothing to say except sorry for the long wait and the shortness of the chapter I am not exactly happy with it since I felt a lot more could have been explored here but at the moment I don't have the time to write as much as I would have liked so for the next couple of chapter I will TRY to make the story as interesting as possible so as promised here is a chapter dedicated to Dib and Tallest Purple._

* * *

__

_**Chapter eight:**_

"Nothing but darkness" A lone alien said for the tenth time, what did he have now? Only himself, why? Because he was foolish enough to believe things would get arrange only because he was one of the most powerful Irkens ever to live.

But he wasn't powerful, not anymore, he was weak and his current state proved it.

Crazy.

Angry.

Miserable.

_Those were the only words that could describe the alien, he was slowly losing his mind, he was becoming pissed with every moment he stayed in his cell and he was feeling horrible that he couldn't do anything to avoid this situation._

_He was taught that as a Tallest such things that were usually difficult decisions would be problem of the control brains, even his capture was arranged by those damn computers._

"Why?" Purple thought bitterly.

_That's the only question that he's been asking ever since he gotten to the Alcatrovian prison, the only prison on planet Vort that was heavily guarded, the other prisons were for the scientists Vortians who were forced to do any projects of mass destructions for the Empire and didn't have a massive amount of security since scientists were wimps the one thing about the Vortians is that without their guns, their machines and their "soldiers" they didn't pose a threat to the Irkens._

"It's kind of ironic really, if we hadn't depended on your race we actually could have stand a chance against the invasion." A British accented voice said.

_The Irken who was sitting on a very uncomfortable and partly destroyed cot lifted his eyes from the floor, he was once again counting the little squares that his cell had, if there was one thing about jail it was that you had to make sure not to lose your mind because loneliness can then play tricks on you._

_By the second week he was here he actually thought a RAT was talking to him when he was getting desperate to talk to someone sad no?_

_But the first few days Purple had to endure torture from the very same guards he once commanded, they punched him as strong as they could, they chocked him and of course thy managed to sent thousands of bolts of electricity through his body, the PAK would have protected him normally but alas it was disabled by the control brains so he couldn't escape, the irony that he now knew what his slaves had to go through never entered his mind until a someone he meet before entered his new crappy life._

"Hello Lard ball" Purple grunted.

"Hello Irken scum" The Vortian snapped.

Yup, the Vortian Lard Nar, the same guy who commanded the resistance against the Irken Empire ended up being his cellmate; it was again very ironic that two sworn enemies were put on the same prison, no less the same cell.

Granted Purple didn't consider him an enemy since he was too pathetic to actually do damage to the empire, he considered him a pest and nothing more.

"What the hell do you want now?!"

"The same thing you want".

The tall alien snapped his head to meet to green goggled eyes. "Would this have anything to do with Kijani?" Purple asked sceptically.

"No it has to do with your blue underpants" Lard Nar responded sarcastically "Of COURSE it has to do with Kijani you dumb ass!"

"_**WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU LITTLE BASTARD?!"**_

"_**YOU HEARD ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!"**_

"_**WOULD YOU TWO KEEP IT DOWN!"**__ A third voice screamed __**"SOME OF US WANT TO MAKE OUR STAY IN THIS HELLHOLE LESS MISERABLE!"**_

"_**SHUT UP**__** CROIX!!!!!!!!! **_Both aliens screamed.

_Aside from the Vortian, Purple had the misfortune to get stuck with the Emperor of Meekrob in the next cell, apparently Kijani not only had plans for Irk but for Meekrob as well, the problem was that neither leader knew what was her evil scheme and they obviously didn't want to find out… but had the feeling they were going to._

_During the first few months during their capture the three alien enemies tried to kill each other, going as far as even doing the stupidest thing to get back at their insults, just last week Lard Nar put hot water on the Emperor's left "hand" and the next morning he found out he soiled himself._

_As revenge Croix managed to put one of his horns up Purple's ass, he killed two birds with one stone that day._

_You are probably wondering how they managed to get from one cell to another without anyone noticing? Quite simple really, Purple in a rare moment of intelligence suggested that if they couldn't escape by means of technology then they could try to escape the old fashioned way… by digging a tunnels, at first the idea seem flawless but then one thing happened that it screw them over big time, the idiots were on the second level of the prison and if they wanted to escape they had to make the tunnel to the first ground and it was a bad idea since on that level there were the most dangerous prisoners of the planet, so it was obvious those sociopaths would end up killing them without a reason the moment they entered that level, there was a 99 percent chance they would enter either in the hallway where there were hundreds of guards or inside a cell which was even worse._

_Lard Nar knew this because was one of the scientists who helped in the making of the prison when he was once helping the Irken Empire on the old days of the alliance, so instead of the obviously murderous plan they made a tunnel from one cell to another using plastic spoons from the cafeteria, Purple and Croix questioned why would they want to do that so Lard Nar simply responded that "No man can build a bridge alone" both the Irken and Meekrob wondered what the hell he was getting at until it was obvious that if they wanted to be free then they had to work together then they could hate each other once they were out._

_And this is where our story continues._

_Croix got out of the hole that they have the three reluctant allies been secretly working on and glared dangerously at both aliens he called asshole and bastard when he was in a real ugly mood, not the language you would expect from a regular emperor but being stuck in a cell and not being able to talk to anyone besides two people you hate besides anyone else in the universe kind of makes you a very unpleasant person to be around._

"Look asshole and listen well bastard" Croix hissed dangerously "We are NOT going to get anything accomplished if you two continue to fight like smeets!"

They glared at the tiny floating alien.

"You want to get escape from here right?"

"Right" They answered simultaneously.

"And you want to get revenge on that psycho Kijani right?"

"Right"

"Then we HAVE to work together on this and let's face it, the three of us can't accomplish anything with the one obstacle of those criminally insane prisoners in the first level of the prison."

"So what do you suggest oh obviously superior being" Purple said sarcastically.

"I suggest one of us tries to make a deal with them to help us escape" Croix said confidently obviously missing the sarcasm.

"Your retarded" Lard Lar said shortly getting a glare from the being of pure energy "They are insane for a reason!"

"I have to agree with short-y here" Purple said "There is no way any criminal would listen to us without a reason".

"Ugh you two do not see beyond what's out there do you?"

"HUH?"

"_I stand correctly"_ Croix thought disgustedly and said instead "WE are NOT going to talk to them; we're going to bribe them.

"Of course!" Purple said "just like in any political… thingy, bribes is the most effective thing to do".

"There's only one problem here" Lard Nar interjected "What are we going to bribe them with?"

"With the chance to do a great heroic thing for the universe! For the chance to save millions upon trillions of lives! For the chance to redeem themselves!

_Purple and Lard Nar stared at him like he was crazy and then exploded into laugher._

"What was that?" The Vortian asked laughing.

"I dunno but its sounds like something only a rookie would think off" Purple says hysterically, his eyes getting tears from laughing so hard.

"_This is what I get from two beings that are made of meat"_ Croix thought irritated.

"Well what do YOU propose to give them then?" The Meekrob asked.

After his "friends" calmed themselves down they started to think and Purple finally said "I KNOW! How about free porn?".

Lard Nar began to drool.

"God the universe is counting on them to stop Kijani" Croix thought "We are so screwed".

Immediately he began to _cry "WHY?! WHY?! OF ALL THE PRISONS DID I HAD TO BE SENT HERE?._

_Because destiny has a funny way of working was the answer._

_And indeed it did._

"Hey who said that!?" Croix asked.

"Oh that was me" Purple said "I was reading this piece of paper that had a note in it".

"Where did you get that?" Lard Nar asked as he took said paper from Purple's hand.

"I found it under my cot" Purple answered.

Curious Croix went to the cot, lifted it using his telepathic powers and saw tiny pieces of paper each one smaller than the next, both his "comrades" stared at them unimpressed until a certain piece grabbed Purple's attention.

"_To get what you want you must sacrify the one you love?" _He read it confused.

This caught the Meekrob´s attention "What did you say?

"I'm not saying it again".

Croix scowled at the Irken´s childish behavior and grabbed the tiny paper from his hand and read it once again "Can it be?".

"Ok you two grabbed all the papers I think we might have found something a previous prisoner might have left behind". Croix ordered.

"What could a bunch of almost burned and broken pieces of paper give us?" Lard Nar questioned skeptically.

"The chance to save our lives" Was all they heard and without further explanation both they all started to recollect the hundred tiny papers hopefully they would get an answer out of this mystery.

_Halloween Town:_

To say Dib had crapped his pants was an understanding, after all those times he had entered his own mind he thought he could deal with anything that eventually got in front of him, obviously he was wrong, not only was he NOT prepared to leave the nightmare version of the crazy house but he felt he was walking to his own death… having an insane guide who just killed three Chihuahuas was bound to make him paranoid after all.

While Dib was jumping every now and then after he saw some creepy looking creatures that jumped out of nowhere, Nny on the other hand was quiet, too quiet for Dib's liking, after all an insane murderer can't be silence for long, Zim was the proof of that, hell his _roommate_ was a much better example of this.

After it felt like forever the large headed man decided to speak "How long until we reach our destination?"

"I was wondering whether or not the squirrel that attacked you ate your tongue" Nny replied sadistically.

"You're hilarious" Dib replied sarcastically.

"Anyway to answer your question, we'll be arriving at Jack's house within ten minutes, so relax and enjoy the walk" The homicidal man said "After all it's not every night you get to see the stars right?"

Dib looked quizzically at his 'friend" he looked up at the night sky and saw distorted versions of the stars in his universe, he had to smile here, after so long he forgot what it was like to stargaze, to see something that you couldn't reach no matter how much you wanted too, to explore what was beyond our home planet but most importantly knowing that somewhere out there were things beyond human understanding, something he wanted to find out so badly.

Zim was his first proof that there are things outside the Earth that just begged to be seen by human eyes, well not exactly but he could always dream about it.

"_But I want that dream to come true"._

"You know we would actually reach Jack's place if you MOVED your lazy ass AND WALKED!!"

Dib jumped at hearing Nny's angry voice "Ok, ok geez sorry if I was lost in thought!"

"Lost in thought prrrrft" Nny said disgusted "You know if you were actually worried for your sister you would get the ship and get out of my face"

"Uhh you're coming too, remember?"

The face the nightmare creature made was priceless _"Damn I forgot"_ He thought in dismay.

"So who is this Jack? Dib asked skeptically "Is he a friend of yours?"

"Friend?" Nny snorted "Hardly, he is more your sister's friend, they were dating a few years ago until Gaz broke with him because he's a workaholic when it comes to Halloween, eventually he found another girlfriend" He said disgusted.

"I'm beginning to think I was tricked into coming here" Dib said tiredly.

"Believe me if you were _tricked_ then you would have lost your limbs 10 minutes ago."

That shut the large headed man up.

"Ah, here we are" The purple eyed monster said.

Dib saw a mailbox with the name Jack Skellington on it and then saw the huge house, he towers, the misshaped windows and a skeleton looking down at us!

The next thing he saw was the nightmare version of Gaz sitting next to a white ghost dog with a red nose.

"Gees, he reminds me of Rudolph the red nose reindeer" Dib said mostly to himself.

"I remember him; I killed him when I found him trying to eat a live raccoon last year." Nny said sadistically.

Once again Dib crapped his pants.

Gaz snickered evilly.

The front door opened and two creatures came out, one was the same skeleton that was spying on them, the other was a female, she looked like a big rag doll since she had stitches all over her body, she was very pale and unlikely all the other creatures of this freaky realm the was the only one that looked remotely human, and Dib couldn't be more grateful for that.

"It's nice to see you again Nny" The skeleton said "It's been what? Six years since you last visited?"

"Against my own will" The cruel monster spat.

"Oh get over it" Nightmare Gaz rolled her eyes "Just because you two have the same job it doesn't mean one is better than the other".

"I totally agree". The creature knows as Jack said "Why are you so hostile towards me?"

"Look we do NOT have the same job, I kill and I get paid for that YOU only scare people to death, there that difference."

The ragged doll sighed sadly,

"Um listen I'm sure you too have a LOT to talk about but right now I would like my alien ship so I can do what I need to do to rescue my little sister".

"Looks like someone finally got passed his own anger" The blue haired Gaz said playfully.

Dib glared at her.

The ghost dog barked and growled at the large headed man.

"Down Zero down" Jack told his pet.

"And what are you doing here Sally?" Nny asked the pale woman "Going to try and prevent me from going to the real world?"

"No" She said "just wanted to see the human that created our world."

"Why?" Gaz questioned "It sucks".

"Correction YOUR part sucks, ours it's just fine" Jack said, defending his friend.

Sally smiled at the rotting skeleton.

"Well if you two are done with your retarded conversation can we please move on? Nny said mercilessly.

"For once I agree with you" Dib thought annoyed.

Gaz got up and jumped to a different part of the house, after a while she returned with a remote control, she pushed a button and all of the sudden the doghouse began to move, the dog began to yap, frightened of what was happening.

The Irken vessel was beginning to appear just as the doghouse was beginning to get higher and higher and then it stopped.

Dib saw the ship just as he left it ten long years ago, he walked to it and touched it, it was cold, the metal was rusting, it looked smaller than he remember but the fact that it was still on a semi-fine condition made his heart burst with joy.

"I wonder if Zim will be able to make it more powerful?" He thought as he touched the cockpit.

Sally closed her eyes, she saw visions of the future, she saw a little green dog running around, she then saw Nny about to stab Dib, then the human Gaz with a HUGE green stomach, she saw two tall green guys about to die a horrible death as one with red eyes help a piece of paper and finally Sally saw an egg.

She opened her eyes.

"Dib" She called out to the human.

He looked at her quizzically.

She walked closer to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Whatever you do… do not listen to Nny, he might be a good ally but he's still insane".

He looked at the creature in question as he cleaned his bloody knife.

"I'll uh keep that in mind" He said unsure of what else to say.

Nny moved closer to the ship "Can we go now?" He asked irritated.

Dib rolled his brown eyes and touched the ship, he closed his eyes but not before saying "Thank you" to the three monsters that keep his alien ship safe.

Dib, Tak's ship and Nny disappeared from sight as they made their way to the real world.

Jack looked at Sally with a raised eyebrow "You had a premonition didn't you?"

"Yes"

"Was it bad?"

"Mostly".

* * *

_And that my dear readers is the new installment, not the best chapter in my opinion but at least I updated huh?_

_Before I forget, Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez and The Nightmare Before Christmas belongs to Tim Burton._

_I knoe the crossover was not what you guys might have expected but if you want further chapters with TNC characters then tell me._

_Invader Johnny Signing Off._


	9. A Get Smart Parody Chapter Oh Boy!

_**Random Author note: Pyrokinesis rocks!! I WANT THAT POWER!!**_

_**REAL Author Note: This chapter has some very disturbing images so if for some reason you are too weak to even read then I suggest to skip the flashback scene.**_

_**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez; I do however own Reb, Kijani and any other character I come up with.**_

_**Chapter uh nine?:**_

_**""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""**_

_**Planet Irk (Six months ago):**_

An Irken wearing a black cloak shuffle the deck of cards, this Irken was a con artist and a very sneaky one as well, he held the cards out in front of him, their backs facing toward him. He then talked to the group of Irkens that had collected up in front of him.

"Pick a card, any card." Said the con artist to a short Irken with purple eyes, said alien picked out one card. "Good." The cloaked Irken said. "Show it to everyone."

The soldier did as he was told.

"Do you all know what the card is?" everyone nodded." Now put it back in the deck." The short extraterrestrial did as instructed. The red eyed Irken shuffled the cards once again and pulled out a dagger from his pocket. He threw the cards up in the air and stabbed the dagger through one of the cards. He then showed the card to everyone and grinned evilly at their stunned faces," Is THIS your card?" he asked smugly.

The purple eyed Irken muttered something that sounded like "lucky son of a bitch" and gave several monies to the smirking alien, who started to shuffle the cards again, this strange red eyed Irken is what some of his race would call a Raro, meaning he wasn't a defective or a sane Irken, he was something in between the two, and because he isn't TOTALLY insane he's allowed to have his PAK, but that didn't meant that his peculiar behavior was something to be proud of, in fact most of the Raros were ashamed of this little inconvenience and tried to have their PAKS "fixed" and sometimes those Irkens had their memory chips fried if the procedure was a complete failure.

"Well Der stealing isn't as satisfying as it was to lounge around and give orders but you're still making a living!" thought the Con artist bitterly to himself.

This Irken Con Artist was somewhat tall, the shadow of his cloak cowered the upper part of his face, his clothes covered most of his body, the only thing that wasn't covered were his hands and his PAK which of course made a few beeping sounds every now and then so that others knew of his place in society, that beeping to some meant a little piece of individuality which the Irken Empire mostly lacked while to others it meant that he wasn't a "perfect" Irken.

"I want to play again!" the short Irken yelled angrily, apparently he didn't liked that he had lost one too many times.

"Looks like SOMEONE has a gambling problem." Der said sardonically "But, suit yourself, so how much are you betting this time?"

The Irken in question pulled out a small bag filled with monies, Der raised his antennae in amusement, under his black cloak that is and counted how much was in it, after he finished he said wickedly "Are you ready to lose again shorty?"

"This time I won't" His 'costumer' said with confidence.

"And what makes you think that?"

The purple eyed alien didn't say anything, he just stared for a few seconds then with no apparent reason he smiled, the con artist raised a would be eyebrow at this but shrugged it off.

"This time I'll go easy on you. Said the tall alien while the short one scowled darkly at him "see these three cards?" He taunted, the purple eyes alien nodded mockingly.

The three cards that Der was showing his poor victim and the rest of the crowd of angry Irkens were two green monkeys and one purple monkey "All you have to do is chose the purple one and I'll give you back everything you lost, if not" He chucked "well you just made me one of the richest Irkens of this section of Irk."

"Just mix the cards" the Irken demanded.

"As you wish, but don't blame me when you lose".

The Tall Irken put the three cards on the hovering table and then put them face down and mixed them up as the short Irken followed the movement of the card he knew was the purple monkey, after several seconds, the Red eyed Irken stopped.

"Where's the purple monkey?" asked the cloaked alien.

The gloved hand of the short Irken soldier didn't moved for a few seconds while he hesitated to pick a card then finally he came to a conclusion and picked the one on the far left. He lifted it up to find a green monkey. The red eyed Irken laughed sinisterly and said," Sorry." As he took the large bag of monies.

"And just HOW were you suppose to NOT lose this time?" Der asked in amusement.

The angry Irken lifted up the other two cards to see that the two other cards were also green monkeys "By proving that you were in FACT cheating"

"Damn" cursed the con artist "Millions of soldiers on this side of the planet and I had to get a smart one".

The rest of the crowed of soldiers were now surrounding the Raro who managed to steal months of monies worth of fighting, luckily this wasn't the first time this had happened to the cloaked Irken and he did the only thing that managed to save his sorry green ass several times in the last few months since he became the most wanted Irken on the planet.

Correction, the universe.

"Hey LOOK" he said pointing at one direction "Tallest Kijani is over there eating donuts!"

Immediately the Irkens stopped trying to murder him and looked around with goo goo eyes and trying to stand as tall as they could in order to impress the current Tallest of the Irken Empire, the Raro took the money he collected from his "costumers" and ran like the wind.

All of his victims stared at the direction he pointed for several seconds until one person notice that their soon to become Gasquiggasplorch food was running away from them.

"HEY!" A squeaky voiced Irken screamed "HE'S GETTING AWAY!!"

At hearing this the other soldiers laugh first at the poor annoyed Irken's squeaky voice and then they ran to catch up with their prey and hurt him really really badly, one Irken managed to grab a trash can and throw it directly at the running red eyes alien, unfortunately for the mob, he saw it coming and stopped right in front of where the trash can was sure to land, then he continued to run from the mob's murderous wrath and ran down a street. He cut down the alleyways and luckily lost the soldiers for now.

"Tch, those idiots had guns with them and they instead tried to stop me with a trash can, this shows a great deal of intelligence of my race at times" Said Der in disgust.

He began to walk out of the dark alley and onto a different section of the capital city; just careful enough not to get caught by anyone who he had managed to tick off in the past and present.

This Irken most likely surpassed Zim on the hating department.

That was a new low for the con artist to say the least.

Several hours later Der was in front of an abandoned building or at least it SEEMED like it was abandoned, he walked up to the door and knocked three times, when there was no answer the Raro got impatient and gave a sigh of exasperation and used his spider legs in order to climb the building.

He searched for what he was looking for and finally said "a-ha". He opened what seemed to be a broken window and jumps in.

The con artist landed silently inside the building that was filled with machine parts. There was also a glass case that held swords, guns and other weapons that were so out of date, a small office, a few repair tables, and in the middle of the building was an old broken down Vortian ship.

"HEY, HEY, 777 ARE YOU HERE?!" the tall Irken asked too loud for anyone's liking and then he heard a crash and someone cursing in a familiar yet foreign language.

"For the love of Queen Razz" Said a pink Vortian rubbing the back if his head "DER! How many times do I have to tell you NOT to do that?!

"I dunno… four?"

The Vortian engineer just sighs in exasperation, not bothering to fight with the only friend and ally he has on the damn planet "I take it you almost got caught today?"

The Irken nodded and pulled down his cloak, revealing that the Irken Raro was none other than Ex-Tallest Red.

_"Didn't know you cared"_ Red muttered.

"I don't, but since you're the only one on this planet who's actually stupid enough to help a wanted prisoner, I figured it would be best for you to be alive until WE can get out of Irk.

"I still can't believe that of all the planets in the universe you would chose my home world for your hiding place, you must really have a death wish."

"HEY! It's the rational thing to do, your people would never think of looking for a lower alien life form on their own planet". 777 said sardonically.

"Its just amazing you're managed to stay alive this long."

"Well some can sing some can dance, I apparently can cheat death in more than one way".

Red just gave him a weird look "You need a new hobby".

"And you need to shut up" 777 shot back "There's no way I'll have this vessel flying with you interrupting me".

The ex-tallest kicked him in the shin and the Vortian yelled in pain "Ohhh my heart!!"

Red snorted and decided to give his "friend's" hideout a more detailed look, he's been here numerous times but he never been in other rooms other than the crappy excuse of a lab and the next room which only had a very old couch, so when he noticed a "hidden" door and by hidden I mean just a card box right in front of it.

Red moved the box and he opened a rusty door than it has long since stopped working automatically.

"Not much to look at I'm afraid" The pink extraterrestrial bellowed in Red's direction "Just piles of junk".

And said alien was right, the only thing the taller being saw was scraps of metal, old furniture that it seems it has been here for years, Red was sure he even saw a rat-like thing eat away a smaller rat thing, this made Red want to puke.

Which he did.

"This place is disgusting".

"Well what do you expect?" The Vortian spat in annoyance "No one's been here since Zim left the place".

Red froze.

"Wha-what did you say?" He turned around, not sure he heard correctly.

"Didn't you know?" 777 asked while he keeps fixing the vessel with a screwdriver "This is or rather was Invader Zim's quarters".

Red gaped at him "Please tell me you're joking"

"Afraid not."

Time seemed to freeze right there.

And the ex-tallest entered hell.

"It's actually a good thing thought" The pink alien continued talking "The moron left behind a lot of things for us to use, the tools to get this baby working again."

777 patted the ship three times.

"Not to mention your disguise, the electric cards, and of course your new eyes were once his ocular implants.

Just then Red sank to his knees and yelled dramatically **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"**

At that moment he even tried to scratch his eyes out which of course 777 tried to prevent.

"Ironic" Red thought darkly "The maggot I exiled is saving my life even when he's NOT really here".

"Red please, stop weeping… your starting to cause me some unpleasant mental scars". 777 quipped awkwardly.

**"WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**"

Needless to say that watching the former leader of the most powerful empire in existence slowly losing his mind was actually the best show 777 received in years, despite the fact he told said Irken to quit his crying, inside he was enjoying his misery and pain.

One moment Red was weeping like a little smeet and the next he's laughing uncontrollably.

"I got his eyes!" He said between laughs "I got his old eyes!"

"Yes you do" 777 said slowly _"I should probably tell him they will explode if…."_

**_"BOOM!!"_**

**"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"**

"If he continues to poke them". 777 finished the thought in dismay.

"I'M BLIND!!" Red screamed like a madman "I'M BLIND!! HELP ME!! MY EYESOCKETS ARE ON FIRE!!"

"CALM DOWN!!" 777 ordered sharply "rolling your eyes on the floor is not gonna help at all!"

Red continued to roll his flaming eye sockets on the cold hard floor anyway.

It took sixteen minutes to get the eyes to stop their pain burning.

After that, Red had to go through a painful eye surgery.

Painful because no anesthetics were available.

The green alien was blind for two weeks.

And during that time he almost got caught.

Had he not escaped in time.

Too bad 777 was still stuck on Irk, because he was not so lucky.

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**End Flashback.**

Red was looking out the window at the weirdness of the planet Earth, not really paying attention to anything he saw, his mind was lost in the time he was a fugitive on his home planet, it was a big annoyance and discomfort knowing that no matter what, Zim always managed to cause some stress one way or another even when he technically wasn't there.

Not just physically but in his pride and dignity, the little pest he exiled years ago became the last hope he had for getting his high position as the ruler of the universe back, he felt sick to his very core that he had to use things Zim used in his youth.

He felt vile.

He felt like a victim of a cruel joke.

"Squeak".

Red woke up from his daydreaming and turned his head eyeing the floating moose hastily. "Ex-excuse me?".

"He said that Karma's a bitch" Zim said vehemently.

The ex-tallest now faced Zim confused "Karma?" He asked "What's Karma?"

"It's a human thing" The other Irken responded emotionless "It's basically an old saying that what comes around goes around, meaning that no bad deed gets unpunished".

"Oh you're fucking kidding me!" Red bellowed "You done worse things than me and nothing bad has happened to you so tell me, where IS your so called Karma?!"

"Is in this car with me" Zim replied coldly.

"Oh that's gotta sting!" Reb chortled happily.

"Squeak!"

"What the hell did he just call me?! Red screamed.

"MiniMoose didn't call you anything, he says that this situation is a good example of karma" Zim translated, and then he gave the slightly taller alien a malevolent smirk "So tell me how ARE my old eyes suiting you?"

Red gaped at the ex-invader "WH-what?"

"I'm curious… I mean surely they are great… after all I made them but it always had the malfunction of exploding when I scratched them too much".

That was enough to tell Red that Zim knew of his past suffering, whether it was a form of revenge or not, the older Irken couldn't tell "How-how did you know?"

Zim just gave another evil smirk "That's for me to know and you to find out".

"MiniMoose can read minds" Reb said offhandedly.

"REB!!"

"What?" She asked innocently "He wanted to know".

Things were not looking good right about now.

"WHAT?!" Red exploded.

The "what" could be heard from Earth right over to Blorch where some Slaughtering Rat people where slaving away at the valet parking section of their home world.

The giant rats got shocked by the electric collars they wore because they looked at their night sky.

**_""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""_**

**_Back o_****_n Earth:_**

"Oh goody, here we go again" Zim said in fake excitement.

**_"YOU PROBE MY MIND?!"_**

"No I didn't" Zim said casually then pointed at the floating moose "He did."

"Squeak"

_"WHY?!"_

"Why, I'll" tell you why, because I don't trust you!"

If Red wasn't shocked by Zim's change in attitude and appearance then he sure as hell was now, it was just an overwhelming occurrence in the eyes of the Ex-Tallest, an Irken whether an invader, a fry cook or even a table headed service drone always had complete fait in their leaders, they even gave them their trust without even so much of as a second thought and here he was Zim, a member of his own race and a defective one no less showing absolutely no respect, no adoration, not even the slightest hint of trust, just indifference, hatred and prejudge.

And this was just wrong, no lower Irken was suppose to hate him, Red was suppose to do the hating!

Just as Red was about to mouth slash him for his disrespect the car stop and the taller of the two aliens hits his face against the windshield.

"Ouch" The alien moaned in pain.

Zim and the others got their seatbelts off and got out of the Ferrari but right before Red could get out, the former invader gave him a cocky grin and said "See?, this why you gotta wear your seatbelt"

He shut the door just as his former ruler began to scream things in their native tongue, and you can all bet they are things not meant to be heard by sensitive ears.

Reb who was once again in her holographic disguised just stared in annoyance at the building her soon to be master had brought them to.

"The Post Office?" She asked incredulously "What the hell are we doing here?"

"Doing my job"

MiniMoose just gave a mysterious smile "Squeak"

"Just make sure neither Reb nor the madman in my car destroy anything" Zim muttered ironically.

"Hey!" Reb protested "I resent that!"

Zim smirked.

"What exactly are we here anyway?"

"Stay here, I'll be back" The defective commanded.

Reb was irritated that she was not given any answers and even more so than her mistress was in space in a ship going to who knows where and to top it off, this fool had to stop at a place where nothing useful could be done.

So the robot jumped with the every intention of hurting her future master to a pulp, not caring if he ended up in a bad shape, all she cared about was her mistress, nothing else mattered.

The defective didn't see the upcoming attack and MiniMosse didn't bother to warn him, Zim simply knocked on a big light-bulb three times and suddenly a secret door opened right bellow his feet and the Irken disappeared.

Zim saved himself just in time, because if he hadn't disappeared then Reb would have cracked his green head in two.

"Where he go?" Reb asked in confusion.

"Squeak"

"What do you mean you don't know?!" She raged.

The purple moose just did a barrel roll with a smile on his face.

Reb screamed in sync with the remaining alien of the group.

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_**Meanwhile:**_

Zim was currently going down a tube that was going at an incredible speed, he was in fact going so fast that he had to shut his eyes and his wig was slipping off so he had to put a gloved hand over it to make sure that crucial part of his disguise wouldn't get lost in the tube and head to a different part of the organization.

It was from a very bad past experience that Zim should have a spare wig should he lose the original one, during his time as a spy, weather inside the organization or out in the field, his true identity was almost revealed on several occasions, one of the most unpleasant ones was when he was being experimented on by an enemy organization and he actually started to grow hair.

Needless to say that even thought the original purpose was to kill him, it ended up saving him because one of the scientists screwed up the formula of the "poison" and instead they ended up making him into a freak of nature.

When Zim escaped humans ended up confusing him with a Sasquatch and he was so humilliated because he got shot with a tranquilizer gun in the ass.

The Irken shuddered at the memory and suddenly came back to reality since he was in the organization for a reason.

To do his job.

But for the first time ever, Zim had no desire to go to another country and kill anyone or resvue anyone or whatever, right now his main prority was to leave the planet, after all a woman who he has not seen in years need him (or so he told himself, since deep down he knew Gaz could take care of herself).

But today's ealier performance seems to indicate otherwise.

Zim got out of the tube and was now in front of an automatic door, he puts his hand on an I.D scan thingy and the door splits in two, the Irken goes trough it and heads down the stairs.

Once he is in the last step of the stairs yet another door is seen, it opens automatically and he walks into a corridor, as Zim walks many camaras lock onto him, watching him with cold eyes, the Irken was used to this sort of thing so he ignored the fact that his boos was watching him.

Another door is seen and it opens from the bottom, on the other side of the metalic door a straight yellow line is seen on the floor, automatically the alien follows it, it directs him to a set of bars, said bars split in two, the half dissapearing into the right side and the other to the left side.

At last a phone booth is seen, to anomal person one would think "what the hell?" but to Zim it said "we been expecting you".

He got inside the telephone booth grabs the phone, dialed the number 24 and hangs up, another tunnel opens right bellow his feet and Zim dissapears yet again.

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_**The Boss's office:**_

The mysterious man who was in charge of the spy organization of the United States was currently sitting in his big confy chair waiting for one of his most destructive but surprisingly smart agent.

A part of the celling opened and Zim oh so unceremonously made his appearance.

He crashed on the chair that was in front of the man's very expensive looking desk.

"Ouch" Zim groaned in pain.

"Agent 24" The Boss spoke "What took you so long?"

"Nice to see you too chief" Zim said dryly.

"Ho many times have I asked you not to call me that?"

"I don't know, how many times have you promised me a month's vacation and I never get to finish it?"

The Boss grinned "Touché"

Zim got up from the floor and rubbed his abused back "So, what's the emergency Boss?"

The man's grin was replaced by a frown "You haven't heard the news have you?"

"Like I told Avery a few hours ago I was in the middle of something VERY important so, nope, I have not seen the news."

"You really _do_ need a vacation" The human remark.

Zim nodded "Sadly, that doesn't look like it's gonna happen anytime soon, so what's up?"

"The president was kidnapped"

The disguised alien gaped "You're fucking kidding me", then he realized what just happened and couldn't help but smirk, he just said what Gaz had told him last night on their first meeting in years.

Normally showing disrespect to their superior was a direct violation but the Boss figured that Zim's surprise gave him enough of a reason to swear.

"I'm afraid I'm not kidding you Agent 24." Just as the man said this he pressed a red button on the bottom of his desk and a large screen appeared behind him, both he and Zim looked at it and footage of Skoodge's speech was rolling, just then Zim felt his heart stop at the sight of an enemy he hoped wouldn't cause him any more problems.

**_"Sizz-Lorr"_**

The Irken felt his fingers go right through his gloves, the anger was like something he never felt, first he kidnaps the woman he had feelings for and now the massive alien just had to up the ante by kidnapping one of the few friends he had on the planet.

It was amazing just hot Gir's "death" had changed him, maybe if things hadn't been so screwed up Zim would still be the same oblivious and arrogant little alien bent on slaving all mankind but things had changed but for the better, he felt happy, because for the first time in his life he felt he had a purpose, he felt he wasn't a failure, he felt at home.

And now his past just HAD to catch up with him in the worst way imaginable.

"So what's my mission?" Zim asked darkly "To find the president and kill the bastard?"

The Boss raised an eyebrow skeptically thought you can't really tell because his face couldn't be seen "Not kill him but bring him here, the people want to know who the captor is"

"The people?"

"Yes _our_ people" The Boss clarified "Every agent on the field is searching the globe for the president, wanting to cause some real pain to his captors, some believe terrorists from Afghanistan or France are behind this"

Zim snorted _"If they only knew the truth."_

"So while… Skoodge is not… available" The alien tried to use the right words for his question "Who is gonna rule the Earth?"

His Boss looked incredulously at him "Are you brain damage?"

"No, but I could have a cat-scan to verify that"

The man puts his hands in front of his face in annoyance .

"Zim, while the president is not in Washington, the vice-president will take his post." He answered "I believe you meet him, his name is Richard Horvitz"

"Ah yes I remember him, he's pretty cool."

"Enough small talk, you'll be paired with Agent 36 and start working right away."

"What a minute, **_PAIRED UP?!_"** Zim shrieked "Sir with all due respect I work _**alone**_"

"Yes I know Zim" The Boss told him in exasperation "But even if you are one of the best secret agents I got even you can't do this search alone so that's that!"

Zim said something about _"Damn humans and their rules"_ but is superior being used to the strange behavior of the Irken simply ignored him and went right to business.

The Boss pressed another button and the intercom came to life "Avery?"

_"Yes Sir?"_

"Sent Agent 36 in"

_"Right away Sir"_

And the communication died.

A few seconds later a bookcase started to move and a metallic wall appeared, then the wall moved and agent 36 entered the room"

"Agent 36 reporting for duty!"

The room froze right then because the next thing that happened cetanly shocked both agents.

_**"Zim?"**_

_**"Jess?" **_

_**"WHAT THE HLL ARE YOU DOING HERE!"** _They both asked

_**"I WORK HERE!"** _Once again they replied in perfect sync.

_**"WHAT?!"…. YOU DO?!"**_

"So you two know each other"

Both Agents wre dumbfounded to say the least.

Things just got interesting.

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_**Well my friends that was chapter nine sorry that there was no Gaz in this chapter but right now I felt like writing about Zim and his oh so wonderful life on Earth.**_

_**I was laughing all the time I was picturing how Zim and Jess would find out the other is a secret agent for the same organization, the idea amused me greatly, It's too bad I couldn't find a more humorous way for their encounter.**_

_**Just so you know Zim's entrance to the building as well as his relationships with his Boss and Agent 36 are completely a parody of the 1960's series "Get Smart".**_

_**Except for the fact that Zim and Jess have no romantic feelings like Maxwell Smart and Agent 99 do for each other and unlike The Chief of CONTROL The Boss has no trouble sending those bellow him to their deaths.**_

_**Did anyone catched the inside joke about why Zim said Richard Horvitz is "pretty cool"?**_

_**Next time I update thing will be mainly on Gaz and Tak's POV AND if I fell like it, I'll do Dib's POV as well.**_

_**Well that it, hope ya enjoyed this long overdue chapter and tell me watcha thought about it.**_

_**Till next time my fellow writers.**_

**_Oh and before I fotget today is Jhonen Vasquez's BIRTHDAY! LET'S SING HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHALL WE?!_**

**_WHOO!_**

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


	10. Unexpected Situations Arise

**_Chapter 10_**

**_Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, if I own the rights to the show, ya think I be wasting me time posting my ideas on the internet?_**

**_Obviously not._**

**_Author's Notes: Ah yes the long unexpected chapter finally arrives… dunno why but I wasn't in an Invader Zim mood for a long time and I completely forgot this story existed… well sorry about that and enjoy!_**

* * *

Zim and Jess were getting out of the post office; needless to say both agents were anything but happy.

_"I can´t believe it"_ Jess hissed "All these years and you never told me you worked with me?"

Zim sharply turned his head to meet his partner´s angered eyes **_"EXCUSE ME?" _**He bellowed "How in the hell was I suppose to know?"

"Well you been working here for years you had to notice I was alive!"

**_"THE ORGANIZATION IS HUGE JESS!"_**

"Oh that's not excuse!"

**_"WELL YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WORK HERE EITHER_**!" Zim accused as if that made things on even grounds **_"SO IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"_**

Jess snorted almost as if that meant _"the hell it's not"_

"And even if I _had_ known then I wouldn't have been able to talk to you!" Zim continued ranting "You know that we are **_NOT_** allowed to talk to other agents unless we are on duty!"

"Oh now you're just making shit up!"

"I´m not!"

"Are too!"

"I´m not!"

"Are too!"

"I´m not!"

"Are too!"

"I´m not!"

"Are too!"

"I´m not!"

"Are too!"

"I´m not!"

"Are too!"

**_"I´M NOT!"_**

**_"ARE TOO!"_**

Zim finally lost it and tackled Jess to the ground; they rolled around in the parking lot like animals until Jess somehow ended on top of the Irken.

"And just what was the almighty Zim going to do after he had the helpless woman under his will" Jess teased. "Kiss me?"

The alien narrowed his eyes "get off me."

Jess did as she was told but not before doing something that had always pissed off her ex boyfriend when they were younger.

"Just so you know, this is the 4th time I ended on top"

**_"ARRGGGHHH!"_**

The female spy giggled in satisfaction.

**_"DAMN YOU JESS!"_** Zim screamed "NOW I remember why I broke up with you!"

"Oh don't you **_DARE _**to go there"

**_"WHAT IF I DARE?"_**

Jess lifted her hands in mock disgust "You haven't changed a bit since I last saw you"

"Neither have you"

Jess snorted "Great comeback Zim."

The Irken raised an eyebrow "Does this look familiar to you?"

The woman smirked "Now that you mentioned it… it does"

They started walking again, this time in a semi-comfortable silent.

Which was broken abruptly thanks to the screeching that came from the parking lot, both adults being used to the unexpected happening at any given moment got their weapons out of their coats and ran as fast as they cool with the intention of helping any poor soul in need.

But once they reached the place where the scream came from, Zim slapped his face in exasperation while Jess stared baffled at the unusual sight before her.

A filthy hobo was sitting on top of Red while he was eating nachos out of his hat. I don't think I need to point out that instead of cheese, he dipped the nachos in something _green_, don't ask what the author does not know.

"Yum, yum… you sure you don't want some?" The homeless man asked kindly at the disguised alien.

"No… I just want you to get off meee!"

"Not until you apologize" the hobo sang.

**_"NEVER!"_**

The filthy man farts.

"Arrggh get this monkey off me!"

MiniMoose and Reb were sitting on the roof of the Ferrari, obviously enjoying the show.

"Damn, where is a bucket of popcorn when you need one?" The robot asked her companion in mild amusement.

"What the hell is going on here?" Zim snarled.

Everyone turn to look at the former invader.

"Oh hi Zim!" The Hobo greeted while raising his hand to offer some food "Want some nachos?"

The Irken´s left eye began to twitch "Noooooooo, I don't want nachos, I want to know why are you sitting on top of my cousin, Twiks?"

"Oh he´s your cousin?" the now dubbed man asked "I can see the family resemblance"

Zim groaned "What are you doing Twiks?"

"I was hungry and I been around asking for money and your cousin refused to gimme some and then he told me I stink!"

"Well you do!" Red said.

"And you're sitting on top of him because….?"

"Because I don't like it when people tell me I have a hygiene problem!"

Zim sighs "Twiks get off him, I´m not in the mood to deal with you right now"

"But.."

**_"NOW TWIKS!"_**

The hobo got up without another word, Red simply cursed in his native tongue, getting up as well.

Zim put the gun back in his trench coat, as he got close to the hobo he smirked… I think your getting into your role a bit too much 67"

Red gaped once he heard this "sixty… seven?" he repeated stupidly.

Jess got closer to the two men and once she was close enough she smirked, gotta admit your getting good with disguised 67"

The man laugh heartedly "Yes well, now a days one can't be too careful"

"Why are you disguised as a hobo, anyways?" Zim asked "don't you have _better_ disguises at your disposal?"

"Oh, I do but they are all at the cleaners, this is the only one I had available"

"How ironic" Jess quipped "So are you here to get your assignment like everyone else?"

"Yup".

"Well stop wasting time and go! Zim ordered "Last time I checked you get paid for spying, killing and blackmailing, not by torturing civilians!"

67 grinned like a moron "touché"

The agent walked away but not before punching Zim playfully and giving Jess a kiss.

Zim gagged in disgust.

Once the kiss ended, 67 walked away and Jess glared at Zim "What?"

"The guy is probably full of diseases and he just kissed you!"

She shrugged "What's it to you?"

He raised a eyebrow "What is it to me? Nothing, nothing at all but for how long has this been going on?"

Jess smirked mysteriously and sweetly responded "Confidential"

"Oh ha, ha"

"And I repeat why _do_ you care anyway? Jess questioned darkly "Aren't you over me?"

"I am!" Zim declared "I'm just curious"

"Well be curious somewhere else"

The Irken scowled "Listen, it's obvious this isn't gonna work out so here's the deal, we each go our separate ways and when we come back we simply lie and say we _did_ work together"

"Oh no, I know you!" Jess accused "You're gonna take all the glory if you find President Skoodge!"

Red sputtered in surprise "Skoodge? As in the fat ugly _short_ guy... _THAT_ Skoodge?"

Zim lowers his head in annoyance _"yes"_

"Why do you need to find him?"

Jess looked at Red as if he were an idiot "You're kidding right?... The guy **_IS_** the president of Earth and he just got kidnapped, surely you heard of the news!"

"President?" Red parroted "What is a president?"

"Uhhh" was Jess's intelligent response she then looked at Zim "What is _wrong_ with him?"

Zim grin evilly "Ah yes, Jess this is Red, he's my _retarded_ cousin you remember, he was with us at the crazy house"

"Oh yeah _him_"

Red was boiling on the inside, if things weren't so messed up he would make the defective pay for his insolence.

Indeed he would.

And he was gonna get the chance in less than twelve seconds.

"Guess it must be difficult for him to remember that Skoodge is our leader huh?" Jess asked her ex-lover.

Red's antennae raised in wonder at the new information and grinned, he finally got up from the floor and puts a hand on Zim's shoulder, the former invader looked at his semi-ally and immediately wished he hadn't, and the look he gave him said it all.

"You really are pathetic"

Zim narrowed his eyes "Don't you **_dare_** say a word"

The former Tallest smiled maliciously and whispered so only Zim could hear him "I always _knew_ you were a maggot Zim, Skoodge the shortest, ugliest and most gullible invader not only managed to conquer Blorch but he also did what you could **_never_** do"

He arrogantly crossed his arms and said cruelly "He _conquered _this world and what do you do? You work_ for _humans!"

He started to laugh.

five seconds later Zim drove his car _over_ Red.

"**_Arggght_** this thing off meeee!"

"Zim what the hell are you doing?" Jess asked frantically "You're gonna kill him!"

The alien mercilessly continued to hurt his former leader, not caring one bit that he was probably going to attract unwanted attention.

Eventually Zim got bored of causing harm to Red and freed him from the physical assault.

But that didn't mean the former Tallest was going to get scotch free from Zim's wrap.

The deranged spy got his gun yet again and pointed it at the now injured Irken.

Red's eyes widened in fear "Z-Zim... what.. what are you doing?"

"Shut the _fuck_ up"

Everyone watched the show in amusement/fear, obviously for those not in the know Zim was one to hold a grudge and that sometimes clouded his judgement

**_"ZIM!"_** Jess screeched "What the hell are you doing? He's your cousin!"

The Irken snorted coldly but responded anyways "What I _should _have done the minute I _saw_ his hideous face!"

He was getting ready to shoot "Because of _you_ I lost everything, because of _you_ Gaz is not here and because of _you_ the Earth... my _home_... is in chaos, I **_think_** law dictates to kill you to end it all!"

"Bu bu but but but the UNIVERSE!"

**_"SCREW THE UNIVERSE!"_**

Jess of all people stops Zim from committing murder, ironically enough the same way Gaz stopped him from committing suicide all those years ago.

Both spies were rolling on the ground, screaming and cursing.

**_"GIMME THE DAMN GUN ZIM"_**

**_"STAY OUT OF THIS JESS!"_**

**_"NO! I WONT LET YOU DO SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET!"_**

**_"REGRET! I WONT REGRET I'LL ENJOY THIS!"_**

**_"YOU'LL GET FIRED!"_**

**_"LIKE I GIVE A SLAUGHTERING RAT'S ASS!"_**

The woman was so a real humanitarian and unlike all the other spies she didn't believe in murder unless it was necessary and this certainly was NOT necessary, killing a civilian was against her code and she be damned if her partner would break one of the organization's more important rules.

_"Never abuse power"_

Jess grabbed Zim by his wig with the intention of yanking at his hair, it was until a moment later that she realized the hair came off.

And revealed what was underneath it.

Antennae.

Everyone save the woman was in shock/horror.

Jess was speechless, she complete forget that her ex-boyfriend was an alien.

Said extraterrestrial swiped his wig from the female's hand and hastily puts it on.

He stammers until he comes up with a lie, "I wish ya didn't see that... err I'm kinda losing my hair... it's embarrassing yes!"

The smile on his face _had_ to be the most pathetic thing Jess has even see in her life-, she couldn't help but roll her eyes in exasperation.

"Zim, you DO suck at lying"

"No I don't... I'm just self conscious about my appearance!"

"Do you even _know_ what self conscious means?"

He lowers his head in shame "no"

Reb shakes her head _"dumbass"_

The woman crosses her arms, a clear indicator that she was not happy.

_"Oh good"_ Zim thought sarcastically _"She's gonna gimme a sermon"_

But before she could open her mouth, another voice spoke, this time it was the disguised android "Look, we could stay here and talk but we got stuff to do so... I dunno it would be good if you scrammed!"

Jess widened her eyes in horror "Did that cat just spoke?"

"Nothing gets passed you eagle eye" He sneered.

Jess narrowed her eyes "Don't you dare talk to me like that Zim!"

The Irken was about to slash out until Reb got everyone's attention yet again "All right look, its clear you two have unresolved issues and I would recommend you seeing a counsellor but we got a situation here!"

"Oh yes we do" Jess hissed "Why in the hell didn't you tell me you were an alien Zim! We have been friends for years!"

"Oh sure I'm sure it would have been a smart move telling you after we broke up!" He replied sarcastically.

"You could have told me before that!"

"I didn't trust you before!" He retorted "And I fail to see why it matters now!"

**_"ENOUGH!"_**

The former couple sharply turned around and glared at the other Irken "If I were you I'd shut up you rat bastard, my opinion of you is not the best at the moment" Zim threatened darkly.

Red gulped "Listen, you two _could_ argue all you want but um... things have to be done, things that _need_ to be done fast!"

"He´s right" The robot said rather annoyed. "So listen to him for once, we got stuff to do"

Zim only got in the car, not saying a thing.

"Zim?" The woman asked in confusion "What are you doing?"

"Get in"

"What?"

**_"I SAID GET IN, ALL OF YOU!"_**

Without any further ado, everyone said as they were told, not once did they dare to speak.

They were all rather scared of the pissed off alien that no one dared to sit in the front seat with him.

The Ferrari got out the parking lot and made its way to a new destination.

"So um, your not a cat are you?"

Reb nodded "Affirmative"

"What are you exactly?"

"First yo answer me something"

"Um, ok?"

"How do you know Zim?"

"Um, well we actually go way back, I know him since we went to the same middle skool and high skool and how do you know him?"

"He's my dad"

The woman's eyes widened "WHAT?"

Reb snickered "He made me... I'm not exactly_ alive _if you catch my drift" She then knocks her chest to make her point.

**_"Knock knock knock"_**

"A robot?" Jess mouthed "Amazing"

"So you two used to date?"

"Um, yes we did?"

"Why you break up?"

"Um, I rather not get into that"

Reb sighs _"Mistress is so not gonna like this"_

"Come again?"

"Oh nothing, nothing!"

"So you got any idea of where we are going?" The woman asked uncertainly.

Reb's eyes went on and off for a few seconds until they finally stopped.

"We'll the original idea was to go to Hurt park"

"And now?"

"I don't really know and that's what scares me, I think we just snapped Zim's mind"

"Ok, I can tell from experience that's not good" The former Tallest said.

"Hey everyone in the back! _**SHUT UP!**"_

_"Squeak!"_

"What did he say?" Red whispered to the S.I.R Unit.

"We are doomed"

* * *

**_Here it is, after a long wait, the nww chapter has arrived, I just wanted to get the shock of Jess finding out Zim's true identity out of the way, plus the good stuff is sure to come soon enough!_**

**_Have a Happy New Year Everybody!_**

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


	11. Everything is Coming Together

**_Chapter 11_**

**_Mad Zim continues now!_**

**_ENJOY!_**

**_

* * *

_**

Zim drove his car like a raving lunatic, his hands getting a lighter shade of green each second it passed due to pressing his fingers hard on the steering wheel.

His crew in the backseats was anything but relaxed, if anything they feared for their lives, they all thought that the former invader finally snapped and planned to slaughter them painfully and slowly.

"Nice going dumbass" Reb sneered at the Irken besides her "You got us closer to **_our horrible screaming doom!"_**

**_"ME?"_**

"Yes you!"

"Explain to me how?"

"Squeak!"

"Yes, just _who_ in his right fucking mind pisses off an insane extraterrestrial with a inferiority complex in the first place!"

It was the human's turn to glare hatefully at the alien "Thanks a lot jerk, maybe Zim is right, maybe you **_ARE_** retarded"

"How dare you insult the Tallest?"

"The Tallest?" Jess mocked "What? Do you_ want_ to keep making a fool of yourself or something?"

Before Red could come up with a snarky retort Zim said mechanically "On our planet height is important, the taller you are the more important you become"

Jess was perplexed that her former classmate answered so calmly, not just a moment ago he was about to**_ kill _**his fellow Irken and now he talked as his psychotic moment of rage never happened.

It was almost frightening.

"Oh".

Red looked out the window, seeing humans going about their everyday life, it was so weird seeing a race that did not know they weren't alone in the universe, never having seen another race outside of their world.

Zim didn't technically count since the Earthlings saw him as one of their own, the former leader didn't know how to handle that thought, in a way it was almost as if the defective was betraying his heritage, in another he was just posing as a human to survive.

Red had to give the former invader credit, _"Zim really knows how things work here"_

Unlike any world Red has seen, this one was full of surprised, bad surprised still, surprises nevertheless, one of them was seeing a bunch of pigs in front of a place called "city hall" Red could almost hear what was going on outside.

"What do we want?" The Shadow Hog yelled.

The pigs squealed "The right to vote!"

"When do we want it?"

The pigs squealed again **_"NOW!"_**

Jess saw the commotion as well and snorted coldly "_Please,_ pigs won't be able to vote, they are too dumb to understand politics and stuff!"

Zim said solemnly "If I'm not mistaken the females of your race could not vote a few centuries ago so in retrospect you shouldn't say stuff like that, it would make you a hypocrite"

Jess scratched her chin thoughtfully "Touché Zim."

Red narrowed his eyes suspiciously and opened his mouth to say something.

"If you even _think_ about talking to me _Red_, I will yank that fucking PAK from your back and beat you to a pulp with it until you die!" Zim said menacingly.

The alien shut his mouth rather indignantly.

It had begun to rain. The windscreen wipers moved lazily across the glass as Zim approached his destination. He parked the car slowly, and pulled up his collar as he stepped out. It wasn't raining hard, but it was windy and cold. Zim's legs were going numb from the weather.

"Stay here" He ordered "I won't be long"

Jess recognized this place.

_"The cemetery"_

"Zim what are we doing here?" The spy asked as she too got out of the car, she then noticed smoke coming out of her friend's body.

"Oh my god**_ Zim_**, are you on fire?"

The alien rolled his eyes but answered anyways "Water burns my skin"

"Then you should get in the car!"

"No"

_"No?,_ Zim don't be so damn stubborn and get in here!" She said exasperatedly "Whatever you have to do can wait till it stops raining!"

No, it can't!" Zim screamed hatefully "_You_ should stay in the car._ I'm_ going to see someone"

_"Who _the hell are you gonna see _here?"_

"The only person on this planet that gets me"

He walked away, each step he took only created more smoke.

She snarled "Like hell if he thinks I'm gonna stay behind with these jerks"

Jess followed her partner.

For once Red stayed in the car.

Which meant that he in a way obeyed Zim.

And _that_ hurt his ego.

_"Just how low have I stooped?"_ He thought in dismay _"This sucks!"_

* * *

The ex-invader made it all the way to the section of **_"World heroes"_**; two guards looked down at the alien.

"State your business" One of the men said emotionlessly.

Zim scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and said meekly "Just to talk to my old man"

"Any weapons or shovels with you?"

The alien got a revolver out of his trench coat as well as a small knife from one of his boots and handed them to the guards.

A red light appeared bellow Zim and then a small circular device attached itself to the leg, making its way to his neck.

"If you try to steal anything, this collar will electrocute you and explode in thirty seconds" The second man said cruelly "So _don't_ even try"

Despite how the humans spoke to him as if he were trash, Zim smirked and said "Wouldn't dream of it"

"Good, now get the hell out of our sight"

The door behind them opened and the alien marched inside.

Once in Zim looked at the tombs in front of him, many, many humans were buried here, PresidentMan, Maxwell Smart, there was even a reserved spot for Prof. Membrane a few rows down.

The Irken however did not care to look at and of them, he was here to get advice, and as weird as that sounds Zim always got something out of these little visits of his.

He walked for several minutes until he found the tomb he was looking for; he smiled sadly and sat in front of it.

"Hey dad"

Yup, it was Slab Rankle's grave.

"Long time no see" Zim started to say solemnly "Sorry I haven't visited you in a while but life's been kind of hectic you know? Kidnapping, saving humans, _killing_ humans, you know… the usual crap"

Silence.

"I suppose you already knew that…." He chuckled humorlessly "Well, guess I should tell you_ why_ I'm here… right? um do you remember the Gaz human I told you about a few years ago? Well she sort of came back to me, what a surprise it was… oh but things just got _better_"

More silence.

"You would be so proud_ dad_" The alien said sarcastically.

He continued with his story "Well as it turns out she got kidnapped by one of enemies, no… not by any of my human enemies thank almighty Tallest Miyuki for that, no offense but your people can be savages!"

Jess was watching from afar and couldn't help but roll her eyes "_exaggerating much?"_

"Well she just _had_ to ignore my warning and _had_ to get herself kidnapped by those bastards from _outer space_… err at times like these I **_HATE_** having such relationship with your species and even more knowing I **_CANT_** escape my past, which makes me wonder just_ how_ the hell did you managed to escape yours?"

Jess raised an eyebrow at how her extraterrestrial friend talked to the grave, slowly a sad smile made the way to her face.

_"Maybe he is more humane than I thought"_

Zim sighs dejectedly.

"Look, I know this is a stupid question since I KNOW you're not going to say anything… **_at all _**but think you could I _dunno_ gimme some advice? Come back from the grave if you must because I really don't know what to do here."

Jess blinked in surprise _"What?"_

The defective looks up at the night sky "For years I wanted to go back home... And now that I finally _get_ the chance to leave this dirtball of a planet it's under the most **_horrible_** of circumstances! I mean Gaz is in this shit because of _Red"_ Zim said venomously "and is probably in a lot of unbearable hellish pain… she… she _must_ be suffering… I know I _probably shouldn't_ care since she and I don't know each other all that well but… she was… _is _one of the few who ever show me any kind of kindness… of **_respect_** and… and it sickens me."

_"Why?"_ Jess thought curiously.

He finally looks at the tombstone and grumbles "It sickens me because I don't think she should have given me her pity… I _didn't _ask for it!"

Zim may not have been the brighten alien around but even he knew when someone was feeling sorry for him and that just made him angry and slightly homicidal.

Years of Irken training drilled into him made Zim believe that he didn't need anyone to feel sympathy for him… and those things such as emotions did nothing other than cause problems.

Just look at what happened to Gaz.

But despite everything he had to admit… at least to himself that caring for others and by extent being cared for in return felt good.

"Not That I'll ever admit it to anyone" He mutters distractedly.

_"__Pity makes suffering contagious." _The woman whispers.

Jess had known Zim for years but seeing this side of him was just so... weird... almost as if the person she thought she knew was being replaced with a shadow of its former self... it was all so very confusing.

"But… I also feel like I owe her" Zim admitted rather reluctantly "I mean she prevented me from… you know… doing the whole suicide thing…"

The spy's eyes widened in horror and the only thing that prevented the screaming was that someone in an ironic twist grabbed her from behind and yanked her into the ground.

Zim was oblivious to his partner's predicament and continued to rant to his dead adoptive father "The worst of it all is that every second that I spend on the planet is wasted time… except talking to you, don't get me wrong but ugh… look, a lot and I do mean a lot of shitty shit is happening to me**_… ALWAYS!_**, almost if some force _doesn't _want me out of this dirtball and it's **_FUCKING KILLING ME_**…"

More silence.

"And I just can't seem to get a fucking break, I get a secret mission then I find out it's a goddamn lie, I get an adoptive family and in a few years poof… you die! I get a girlfriend and she breaks up with me, my robot gets shot oh and need I say it again? The only person who ever showed me any sort compassion **_GETS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME_**…! I mean what? Does my crappy life_ has_ to be unbearable all the time? Aw dear fuck I'm sounding like a… like… a whiner."

Zim couldn't help but smirk here _"Whiner"_

Shaking his head _"Gaz… how in the hell did things get so messed up"._

The former invader takes out a cigarette box and a lighter out of his trench coat "I know I said I would quit smoking dad but… under the circumstances I need something to calm my nerves"

He puts a cigarette in his mouth but before he could light it someone screeched murderously **_"YOU PROMISED!"_**

"HUH?"

Jess was now behind the alien, glaring daggers at him "You promised me, you would quit smoking!"

"When did you get here?" he asked while getting up.

"Don't change the subject _Zim_!" She snarled "You told me… _you promised_ me you wouldn't go near this death trap ever again!"

"That was when we were dating" He sneered "I don't think I have to hold on to that promise anymore!"

"Well you did promise your adoptive father didn't you?" Jess retorted madly "Are you at least going to hold on to that promise to him… for god's sake Zim you almost died!"

"Unlikely, my species _can't_ get cancer"

**_"BUT YOU ALMOST DIED!"_**

**_"ENOUGH!"_** He bellowed while narrowing his eyes dangerously "I don't need your damn concern; we both know I lost that many Earth years ago."

"My god, are you still holding a grudge for that!" Jess snapped "It's been seven years Zim… why can't you let it go?"

"You never told Zim why you broke up with me!"

It was the woman's time to sneer "You wouldn't understand moron"

He ignored the insult "Then help me understand… then, why do you hate Zim so much"

"First of all stop talking in third person its annoying" She commanded "Second of all I never hated you, we were friends in high school Zim and we're friends now!"

"Then tell me why you didn't want to be my love pig anymore, was it because I began smoking huh? Huh?" He raged holding the cigar patronizingly over her face "You know the reason why I started using this thing and it helped!"

**_"YOU WERE DESTROYING YOURSELF!"_**

"No I wasn't!"

"You were farting blood you retard!"

Zim scoffed "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

Before she could say anything her friend continued darkly "There are more important things to do rather than to argue about my bad habits!"

And with that Zim finally lights up the cigar and took a deep drag.

"Give that to me! **_NOW!"_**

"No… it helps with the stress"

Before anything else could be done a figure jumped from the shadows and attacked Jess "This insult will not stand!" The mystery man bellowed.

Jess emitted a high pitch scream **_"Get off me!"_**

Zim dropped the cigar in shock surprise and grinned wickedly "HEY… HEY… HEY… **_HEY!_**"

"Spying people is not right!" the mystery man said ironically and he got a pair of handcuff out of his coat.

After quite a struggle Jess collapsed on the ground with a defeated groan and she got cuffed, a sinister smirk was on the human's face.

"Release me now asshole" Jess snarled "Don't make hurt you again!"

"I'd like you see you try" He said in amusement, now let's go, your wanted and I need my money"

"SQUIDMAN, release her!" Zim commanded " I don't know what is she wanted for but if it was for spying then it's not the case, she was not spying… she was merely… looking for me, yes that's it"

"Squid…. Man?" Jess repeated slowly "What… the… hell?"

"**_Who_** know my name?"

The former police officer finally notices the disguised alien and squinted his eyes; almost as if he was putting pieces together "My hearing mustn't be as good as it used to stranger because for a moment there I thought you sounded pretty familiar"

"You crashed your police car into my house a few years go" Zim commented bluntly.

"I done that several times in my life, you'll have to be more specific stranger"

"I'm the guy who took you to you horrible nasty doom… I mean you _did_ get eaten by a shark right?"

"Zim!" The man said happily "Long time no see!"

The Squid man got off from Jess' back and shakes the alien's hand respectfully.

Zim finally noticed that the guy was not wearing a police uniform and instead wore an outfit that made him look similar to Cad Bane, he noticed the human's face had a few scars and he even wore a glass eyes, but what made him quite different from what the man he used to be was that the Squidman was now completely bald and had a black tongue, Zim speculated that's where the ink comes from.

"What are you a bounty hunter or something?" The alien asked skeptically.

The old man smirked "As a matter of fact that is precisely what I am and I been looking for your friend here" He said while looking down at Jess "She is wanted for not showing up in court"

Zim started laughing insanely "Oh this is just too funny… I wish I had a camera WUAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

**_"Excuse me!"…_** Jess yelled indignantly "Zim, you _know_ this moron?"

He chuckled "Yes, it's a long story but the short of it is that… I kind of owe him my life"

Jess raises an eyebrow "How so? Wait… wait…. Wait a freaking minute here, did you say he got _eaten_ by a shark?"

"Yup" both males said nonchalantly.

"Then how are you still alive?" She asked skeptically.

"The shark crap me out"

"Okkkkkkkkkkkkk" She said freaked out "And that makes any sense _how_?"

Before the old man could say anything, Zim interrupted "Look, I would love to catch up with you but, I'm very busy at the moment so err would you _mind_ releasing her… I kinda need her assistance"

"No can do" The man responded sharply "I need her in order to get paid."

"How much are you getting?"

"About seven thousand bucks"

"Release her and I'll pay you triple"

"Right and how do I know you're not lying?"

Without further ado Zim slaps him a fist full of 100 dollar bills "Does that answer your question?"

"Uhhhh, ok! Just let me get the keys, hey do you want to get some coffee and chat for a while?""

Zim shakes his head "Sorry like I told you… I'm busy"

"Aww" The Squidman whined "But I haven't seen you since you were a kid"

"_Look_ I'm under a lot of pressure and I just wanted some advice and I haven't gotten any, so I would appreciate it if you would free Jess and them leave me alone for a while!"

"Like hell if I'm gonna do that!" Jess said struggling "Gimme the cigarette!"

"On second thought take her away"

"**_STOP ACTING LIKE A GODDAMN CHILD ZIM!"_**

"Says the woman who is screaming bloody murder" Zim snapped back and takes another drag just to annoy his partner.

She growled "Oh you are _so_ going down! I'm kicking you sorry green ass!"

"You and what… Army…"

**_"THIS ARMY!"_** Jess snarled breaking the cuffs with an inhuman strength as well as getting out a Colt Python out of nowhere with equally inhuman speed.

If there was any clear indication of psychosis on Jess' part... This was it.

"Oh wow that was hot!" the bounty hunter quipped bluntly.

Zim didn't pay attention to what was going on; instead he got on his knees and hugged the tombstone **_"THANK YOU!" _**

He quickly got up and did some random gibberish that sounded something like _"Need an army of doom"_

Jess and the Squidman gazed at each other and followed the deranged extraterrestrial.

No one noticed that the ground started to move.

Or that a _hand_ came out of it.

* * *

Once they all made it to the parking lot, Zim immediately got in the driver's seat and gleefully said "I got a plan… _an amazing plan_"

The smile on his face was the splitting image to that of the joker's… it was scary… SCARY I say!

Without giving it a second thought, he had a new destination in mind; however he soon remembered he had to pick up yet another person.

_"Dib stink, you **better** be free by now"_

Jess got in the passenger's seat and the ex-officer sat in the back along with the others.

Reb eyes the newcomer suspiciously "Who are you?"

The man looks down at the disguised android and screams like a manic **_"AHHH A TALKING CAT! DON'T EAT ME PLEEZE!"_**

Reb was about to shoot the guy in the head but her soon to be master's voice broke her concentration "Everyone, meet the newest addition to Zim's army of the damn"

"Wha...?" Everyone said stupefied.

The alien eyed his crew and commented maliciously "The more the merrier"

"Whoa whoa whoa, you just bring this stranger onto the whole mission without telling us about it?" Reb snarled "You asshole did you ever come to think we should vote on stuff like this… for all we know this guy could be a murderer!"

"Hey I resent that Kitty!"

"Shut up"

"Trust me, Squidman here is reliable"

"Oh OH and his name is SQUIDman?" She mocked "Where in the fuck do you find these freaks of nature?"

Some ink got in the robot´s eyes **_"AGGH MY EYES I CAN´T SEE!"_**

"Ah ink… you never fail me" The man said contently "I love my ink" and smacks his lips in satisfaction.

"Err yes I bet you do" Jess awkwardly told him and then angrily muttered to the Irken besides her "Are you nuts? Zim what the hell are you thinking!"

"I'm thinking that we need to get Dib and continue with my plan"

**_"WHAT PLAN?"_** She bellowed "To piss me off till I kill you?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo" He answered truthfully "My ingenious plan is to get an army to die in the name of Zim!"

"You_ **are**_ nuts"

The alien grinned smugly "And let's not forget it shall we?"

"Squeak"

Translation: "This is getting weird"

* * *

**_Hurt Park:_**

"You_ **are**_ nuts"

Nightmare Nny cocked an eyebrow at the young man "And you are _just_ figuring this out?"

Dib shakes his and continued to inspect Tak´s ship "Just as I left it"

"Oh whop-pee-doo" the monster clapped sarcastically "Now that you got your psychosis out of the way can we _go_ now?"

"I´m not crazy! So stop implying it!"

The taller male sneered "That´s no fun"

Dib groaned, "Besides, we can´t leave, we´re waiting for Zim remember?"

"The alien?"

"Yup"

"The one you almost killed or the one who almost killed you?"

"The latter"

"Kay… _why_?"

"I already told you why"

"Then tell me again… I´m bored"

"Well deal with it I´m not about to give you back your knife!"

Nightmare Nny rolled his eyes in irritation "For the last **_fucking_** time the cyborg squirrel tried to eat my ball I _had_ to kill it to protect my self not for fun!"

"Look I don´t care, you can´t just kill around defenseless animals!"

"Defenseless my ass! It had _**TEETH THE SIZE OF A CHIHUAHUA**_!"

Dib gave Nny a weird look and then rolled his eyes and in a tone that clearly said he didn´t care anymore responded "Whatever you say"

Nny narrowed his eyes "Don't ignore me only _I_ can ignore others, understood?"

"Look, just promise me you won't try to kill anyone ok?" He pleaded "The last thing I want is to add murder to my rap sheet"

"You have a rap sheet"

"Is not something I´m proud of, ok?"

The nightmare creature would have smirked proudly if it had a mouth instead he said "I have a brand new respect for you _Dibby_"

"Don't call me that!"

"Aww touch a nerve there did I?" The creature taunted.

Dib smacks his forehead "How in the hell did my life get so _messed up_?"

Nny "I dunno… made horrible decisions in life maybe?"

He glared "I wasn´t talking to you"

"Oh now I remember why you have no friends"

Dib sniffed "That hurt"

"You started it asshole"

Before anything else could be done or said a beeping was heard coming from the alien ship, the raven haired man stalked over to it and pressed a few buttons, immediately Tak's voice boomed "**_Irken life form detected_**"

Dib narrowed his eyes "Zim's here"

"Finally!" Nny cheered "So what now, we stay here or look for your friend?"

"How about if you introduce us to your creepy looking friend" A voice said bluntly.

Dib and Nny turned their heads and saw the being they waited for coming from some bushes.

.. Out of disguise

"Zim!"

"Hello Dib-worm" His old nemesis greeted reluctantly "I see you kept your promise"

"I told you I´d be here"

Zim nodded and finally noted the Halloween monster "What in the seven circles of hell is that thing?"

The creature glared daggers at the Irken and was planning on chopping his head off… pity that Dib hid his knife.

"Err Zim this is Nny, he is… well he err… how do I tell you this… he came from my head… ok that sounded weird"

"No wonder people think your crazy" another voice spoke, this time a female one.

Dib recognized the voice and became terrified "No… they found me!"

Jess came closer alongside the other members of Zim's "army of the damned"

Then it finally clicked "Zim what are you doing out of disguise!" Dib yelled "Someone could see you, like that crazy ass nurse over there!"

"Hey watch your mouth!"

Zim shrugged "Relax stink beast, Jess knows what I am and no one will be stupid enough to come in the park at night, people get **_mugged_** here a lot you know and what´s it to you?, I thought you would LOVE the idea of exposing me to your sad little stupid kind."

Dib narrowed his eyes "_I_ want to be the one to open you up"

"Well _someone_ developed some sociopathic tendencies" Zim said ironically "I bet you missed me Earth creature"

Dib's hands became fists "Don´t push it _Zim_, I may depend on you to help me bring my little sister back to Earth but after _that_ all bets are off"

"If I remember correctly YOU couldn´t expose me ten years ago, what makes you think you can _now_?" Zim asked smugly.

"Well I got witnesses now!"

"You have HAD witnesses before remember?" Zim taunted "Like I dunno Mr Dwicky?, I'm sure_ that _was a lot of help"

"I.. I have proof!" Dib said.

"Oh? Like that video _millions_ saw and no one believed I was an alien?" Zim asked "Face it Dib stink you and only YOU will ever know or care that your pitiful race is not alone in the universe"

"What video?" Jess asked.

"One that appeared in Mysterious Mysteries years ago" The man answered in shame.

Nny laugh out loud "Oh please tell me you have that recorded!"

**_"SHUT UP!"_**

"I was amazing iat covering up my tracks" Zim said proudly.

"Wait, so your saying that this weakling is the Dib-Human you complained about so many times? Red spoke for the first time in a while "Damn if a _child_ managed to stop you them you really **_didn´t_** deserve to be an invader"

Zim gave a deathly glare at his former leader and in an ice cold tone said "Before you had the acceptable height to enter the military you were a table headed service drone so before you go around criticizing others maybe you should take a good look at yourself asshole"

Red gaped and felt the glare of so many people on the back of his head, he slowly turned around and felt horrible knowing he was right.

Jess, Reb, MiniMoose and the Squidman gave him the evil eye.

"Went too far there didn´t I? He asked meekly.

Everyone yelled a simultaneous **_"NO REALLY? YOU THINK!"_**

Dib looks down and noticed Reb, "Hey what is Gaz's cat doing here?"

Said "feline" suddenly got on her hind legs and crossed its arms "I could ask you the same question large headed demon!"

Dib was slack jawed while Nny was ecstatic "A talking cat, we just found a talking cat _I´m _rich WHOO!"

Reb rolled hey eyes as she turned off her holographic disguise.

"Ohh a robot… neat!"

Reb couldn´t help but ask the monster "Are you high?"

"I dunno… maybe… I did smoke salvia before breaking this little pest out of the nuthouse"

"Look Zim, looks like you found a perfect friend" Jess sneered.

The Irken spat vehemently "You can´t compare drugs to smoking!"

"Gimme the pack… now!"

"If I didn´t know you two I´d say you were an old married couple" Squidman leered.

A unified "WHAT?" came out of these two unlikely friends.

_"Oh this is bad… This is very bad… my mistress is so gonna be heartbroken"_ The small android thought grimly.

"Let´s get one thing straight Squiddy" Jess snarled "Zim and I are **_not_** together so shut your mouth before I shut it for you!"

"Yeah… what she said"

**_"EXCUSE ME!"_** Dib yelled at the top of his lungs "Aren´t we forgetting something like I dunno OUR MISSION?"

"He´s right" Reb agreed.

The Raven haired man then gave the robot a mistrustful gaze "Why didn't you or Gaz ever told me you were a S.I.R Unit?"

"Oh I dunno maybe because neither of us trusts you" She retorted sarcastically.

He said something that without a doubt was a hurt "Oh"

"So, what now?" Nny asked not really caring.

"I´m sorry but who are you?" Reb asked.

"Oh I´m Johnny but I prefer Nny for short and like Dib said I came out of his large head"

Reb was stupefied "Do you realize how **_insane _**that sounds?"

"The sad thing it really isn't" Zim said while shuddering.

"You know I'm sorta surprised not one of you freaked out at seeing me" Nightmare Nny commented in a bored tone.

"After all the shit I being seeing lately an inter dimensional _thing_ is no surprise now" Jess said "And I have the feeling this is nothing compared to what's out there", the last part was directed at Zim who simply shrugged.

"So what are we waiting for?" Reb asked "The sooner the two ships are made into one the better!"

"Agreed" Zim said and looked at Dib seriously "Pig-weasel, may I have a private talk with you?"

Dib slowly approached him with suspicion.

"Trust will come slowly" he told his rival "If we are going to work together again that's a given"

"That's going to be hard" Dib responded gravely.

"But not impossible"

Dib nodded, at last some common ground was met between the two adversaries, as they walked away from the group the human opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted

"I know what you're thinking,"

"I doubt you are"

"You underestimate me Stink-Beast, I know what your thoughts are: What have I done since we last met? Why do I need you? Is Gaz going to be safe?, the answers to those questions are grimly simple, all of them have the same answer… I don't know, because in all honesty I'm confused.

"Of what?"

"Realization"

"Huh?"

"I realized something," Zim continued, staring at the nigh sky, not looking at Dib. "I realized that I'm nothing in the grand scheme of things…" He bowed his head slightly.

"Zim, your making no sense... which I kinda saw coming"

"Ah but I AM makig sense, you see when it comes down to it; I've really _had_ no impact on the destiny of the universe. But now I have a chance... we both do" he straitened.

"We only want Gaz back Zim, nothing more, nothing less"

"There is something I learned just after I left you in the nut house Dib stink" he lied smoothly "The universe is on the edge of damnation, and this includes your pitiful backwater planet"

Dib gaped.

"We have a chance to defy the most powerful empire in the universe, and liberate thousands of worlds under oppression. Dib-stink, if we can pull this off…" he paused for a moment of wistful thinking, "_If_ we can... Then we _will_ go down in history as the universal saviors…. all of us" the final part he made a hand gesture to their fellow warriors who were obliviously chatting with one another

"And we can get recognition, isn't that was we both wanted since we were rivals? To prove what we can do for our worlds? "

Dib stood completely still, not sure how to take what Zim was saying. He was acting very strange even for him, but at that very moment the former paranormal investigator had more respect for him than he ever had.

"I was in a graveyard a while ago and I came to the conclusion that… despite the people we been gathering, it's not enough to win this… battle… war… whatever you want to call it… we need an army, from what my _former _Tallest told me, we would fight not just the Irken army but those who have no choice **_but_** to fight"

"We need a plan of attack" Dib finally catch on.

Zim looks at the sky, "We are going to fight my home world, the question is, are you in or out?"

The alien looks down and saw that his enemy had raised his hand, Zim looked confused "What's that?"

"Shake on it"

"Why?"

"It's what friends do"

"Do you have the brain worms!" Zim yelled "We're not friends!"

"But we aren't exactly enemies either now are we?"

Zim slaps his hand away "So _now_ do you believe I'm telling you the truth?"

"I want to believe it but… But"

"But? **_OH_** I understand… you don't trust me… look Dib-pig I don't really blame you, hell I don't believe this is happening but if we are doing this for Gaz so the first thing you and I gotta do is set our horrible differences aside and at least _try_ to form some level of trust, otherwise everything goes straight to the crapper"

Dib was surprised "When did you become so smart?"

"You be surprised how much how can change in the years of your planet"

**_"HEY JACKASSES ARE YOU DONE TALKING OR DO I HAVE TO GO THERE AND REMOVE SOME LIMPS!"_**

Dib sighs in annoyance "I hate that guy"

"Well I'll going to be going home" Zim said suddenly/

"WHAT?"

"Oh don't act so surprise I need to get some equipment and my old voot cruiser, you in the meantime are going to round up everyone and head towards the old neighborhood where my base used to be, you remember the way right?"

"Oh no, your not putting me in charge of these guys, they'll kill each other before, I'm sure of that!"

"Well then make sure they **_DON'T_**!" Zim screamed losing his patience "Listen to me, your tired, I'M tired, it's been one hectic day and I need some time away from everyone to get my head straight and I need to you go to my old cul-de-sac and start digging"

"Digging?" Dib parroted "Why?"

"I have a hunch Skoodge left something behind, it may not be much but whatever you find could be useful so until I get back you're in charge… I don't care what you do just make sure no one is dead by the time I come back"

And with that the Irken left running.

"Zim … wait!"

But he didn't respond.

He left, and who knows when he would return.

"Damn it"

* * *

**_Ok everyone this is chapter 11, I'm not entirely satisfied with it but I felt like making an intense interaction between Zim and Jess, as you can see these two never quite got over their past relationship and it seemed they both have some resentment towards the other, ya know that how relationships work in real life and everyone has to admits, it sucks, LOL._**

**_I want you all to know that I recently learned that I coincidentally choose the name "Jess" not knowing someone in the show had the exact same name, well in the episode "Bestest Friend" the blond girl who said Zim was inhuman for not having friends was named Jessica and well after some thought I decided that the Jess I came up in this fic would end up being Jessica, simply because I don't like OC all that much and I don't like creating them in the IZ universe, the one exception being Reb since I just love developing this robot's personality._**

**_Anyway, yes I'm aware that Jessica has some similarities with Gaz and THAT my friends is good because I had in my head from the beginning a reason why Zim started dating a human in the first place, oh yeah! _**

**_Also, I couldn't resist adding Squidman to the story, "Gir Goes Crazy and Stuff" is one of my favorite episodes and when Zim ended up being saved by the cop I couldn't help but think "IRONY!" so I decided to bring him back but this time as a bounty hunter, the reason? I wanted a character that would help our favorite invader out in ways that Dib or Gaz never could but I DIDN'T want to create another OC so I gave this deranged squid a role… hope you guys had a laugh on the explanation as to how he survived getting eaten alive._**

**_You may be wondering why he needs money being that he is a squid trapped in a man's body, even though I didn't put the reason in the chapter I'll put it here, he wants money to buy an aquarium and live happily among the sea creatures, LOL._**

**_And yes I'm aware that Zim was SMART in here but incredibly I'm trying not to make him too OCC, after all its canon that he has some rare moments of competence AND incompetence heh._**

**_Ok one final thing, someone out there suggested to me to add some characters from "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy" into the fic, must say it's a tempting idea but I'll have to think about it._**

**_Anyway REVIEW!_**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	12. All In The Irken Family

**_Chapter 12_**

**_It's Gaz's turn! YAY!_**

**_

* * *

_**

"So uh… I take it you're a human huh?" Zee asked awkwardly "Never seen your kind around here before"

Gaz raised an eyebrow skeptically "Then this raises the question of how do you know even what I am?"

The Irken shrugged "Some retard discovered your planet by accident"

Gaz had to restrain herself from killing the alien right then and there… she _couldn't_ risk getting hit with another wave of electricity, her baby´s health was top priority but in her psychotic little mind only_ she _had the right to call Zim by any name, good or bad.

"Would that so called retard be _Zim_ by any chance?" Gaz asked sarcastically.

Zee stiffened at the sound of the name.

"So you knew him" The alien said coldly "Must have been hell having him around"

Gaz shrugged, "Everyone annoys me so having him around wasn't much different than having some other random loser annoying me".

"Good thing he´s dead then"

When she heard that cruel comment Gaz remembered that nearly all of Irk´s population thought that the father of her child was six feet under and even if her blood boiled with so _much _rage, the woman wasn`t about to correct on that just yet, after all she wanted to know what was Zim's connection to this girl.

The Irken female scratched the back of her neck, attempting to forget that she was about to lose her temper.

"I hoped he died horribly" Zee muttered maliciously "I _wish_ I had seen him die"

_"You're pushing it bitch"_ Gaz snarled mentally.

Oblivious as to close to a gory death she was, Zee asked reluctantly "So, what did you do to get captured? Surely it had to be something big if Sizz-Lorr brought you all the way from your pitiful backwater planet."

"You are probably going to get a heart attack if I tell you…" Gaz said with a cruel smile "But meh, I don't give a rat's furry ass…"

"Whatever you say _human_"

Gaz clenched her fists and mentally counted down to ten _"remember, hold your temper, you hold a life inside of you"_

"My name is Gaz you annoying little bitch and I don't _really_ know the whole story behind this battle or war or whatever you care to call it but, it kinda started when some guy who was your Tallest… or something landed on Earth and all hell broke loose, then your boss started shooting and the next thing I know Zim's having all the fun when…."

"Wait, wait, wait…. back it up, back it up **_ZIM?"_** Zee screeched "I thought he was dead!"

The pale woman shrugged carelessly "Not really, your leaders _lied_ just to amuse themselves," She answered darkly "Zim's **_has_** been living on my planet for the last decade or so, it was kind of an punishment thing" She snorted coldly afterwards "I think he thought of his exile as a mission _then_ a vacation…"

Zee started to tremble uncontrolably "He… just keeps getting all the luck!"

She punched the counter and screamed in horrible anguish "That bastard just won't fucking**_ die!"_**

The green female starts to destroy everything at her disposal, some wires were now in her bloody hands and even though she kept getting electrocuted, the anger she felt towards the defective made it seemed like a walk in the park.

**_"I hate him so much!"_** Zee bellowed **_"He ruined my life!"_**

Gaz rolled her eyes and indifferently she took an educated guess "Oh boo hoo, what he do? Did he ruin your change to become an Invader or something?"

**_"IT'S HIS FAULT I'M STUCK HERE!" _**

"Well technically it's _his_ fault I'm here but you don't see me bitching about it… that's just weak but when I see him again I'll rain hell down upon him!"

"Well at least you **_AREN'T_**related to the goddamned menace!"

Gaz's eyes widened in surprise "Say what now? I thought Irkens didn't have families and junk, damn I_ hate_ being lied to"

"That's not necessarily true" Zee scowled "In some rare cases my species have similar genetic codes and that being mine and Zim's case here that makes us cousins"

"Does he know?"

"Hardly… He has such a big ego that he doesn't think anyone else could share his amazing-ness" Zee mocked.

"Yup, that sounds like Zim all right but who knows maybe finding out he has a family would freeze his brain" Gaz snickered ironically.

"Probably"

"But that doesn't necessarily explain why you're here"

"Do you _even_ want to know?"

Gaz shrugged "Meh, I'm bored so, why not?"

Zee sighs dejectedly "Well everyone knows about it so what the hell… I'm pretty sure you know why everyone in the empire hates Zim so much... right?"

The woman snickered.

"What's so funny?" Zee asked annoyed.

Gaz grinned smugly "I find this amusing"

"What?"

"He's free and you're not"

"How is **_THAT _**amusing?" She snarled "The damn defective should be here serving his banishment here not _breathing_ on some other planet!"

Zee suddenly felt a strong cold sweaty hand around her neck and widened her eyes in fear at the murderous flame in the pale woman's brown eyes "If I_ hear_ the word defective again something bad is going to happen…. To you… I don't care if _anyone else_ says it, I'll be hurt _you_"

"Why do you _even_ care?"

Gaz puts her free arm affectionately over her belly and answered truthfully "Because someone has to".

"As if"

"Continue with you story before you lose the ability to _talk_"

"What are you going to do?" Zee taunted "Break my neck?"

"No" Gaz sneered "I'll rip your vocal cords apart and then make you eat them"

Zee's eyes widened in horror "That´s sick!"

"I'm a sick person" The woman answered cruelly "So talk or _else_"

"Ok! Ok! Don't get your panties in a bunch!"

Zee immediately knew that was the wrong thing to say when she saw Gaz's hand raise with the clear intention of striking her. But then the alien girl received another sort of surprise.

"I'll hurt you... _later_ **_now_** I wanna to know what is with you and Zim!"

If Zee knew about human emotions she could have picked up that Gaz was either jealous or hurt that a part of Zim was hidden from her.

Zee sighs dejectedly "I ask you again you know why everyone hates Zim right?"

"Just the basics, he fucked up Operation Impending doom II, killed two former leaders and I _think_ he put your world in a blackout twice"

"Well because of that, the tallest didn´t want another lunatic running amok on Irk so the Control Brains check the DNA of every Irken to make sure no one was related to the little menace"

"He isn´t exactly little anymore" Gaz quipped "If anything he is just as tall as your leaders if not more"

The Irken gawked "You're kidding"

"Does it _look_ like I'm kidding?"

**_"YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMN THAT SON OF A BITCH DAMN HIM AND EVERY BIT OF LUCK HE HAS!"_**

"Yeah, yeah he ruined your life Oh, boo-hoo now continue with your pathetic story before I so hurt you"

Zee glared at her co-worker "Anyways as it turns out after a few days the Control Brains checked my DNA and it was so close to Zim´s that the Tallest banished me here fearing I would become insane like him!"

"Paranoid much don´t you think?"

I requested that the Brains should check my PAK but it was denied!"

"Because?"

"Zim"

"How?"

His PAK was so full of errors that it turned a few Control Brains insane and again, no one wanted that to happen so after that day everyone started hating ME!"

"Because your Zim´s cousin" Gaz says perplexed "Isn't _that_ being prejudice to the extreme?"

"It became a crime to even mention he existed!"

Gaz looked disgusted "So he made mistakes big deal, everybody does"

**_"Zim is a mistake!"_** Zee screeched "He should have **_never_** been hatched in the first place!"

"Ok **_NOW_** I'll hurt you!"

But before anything else could be done, something happened, something, unexpected.

"Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen!" A voice screamed from restaurant's booths.

"What the hell is that?" Gaz asked while she let go of the Irken unceremoniously.

Then both women went outside to see what the commotion was about.

* * *

Mooshy and Spoopty were for a lack of better term… bored, these two Plookesians simply made a pit stop on the food court planet just to kill time before going back to their daily lives.

"I´m bored"

"You said that already… 351 times to be exact"

"Spooty looked at his friend in awe "You were counting?"

"I´m bored too you know"

"When will my nachos arrive?"

"I dunno… just… shut up and let me think"

"Of what?" The purple alien asked gruffly.

"Stuff"

"Oh ok then"

Now something about the Plookesian race was that even though they were just heads in mechanical bodies they still had to eat, amazingly enough these extraterrestrials possessed an artificial stomach, you see for eons the Plookesians never actually _had_ the need to eat but after their curiosity began to peak, they build these robotic bodied to know what exactly they were missing.

They could now run, walk, eat, and poop, yup basically what any other race in the universe could do.

Now you wonder, how could they have built these things if they didn't have a body to begin with? Simple The Plookesians had telekinetic powers… cool huh?

But due to centuries of relying on technology, that power has become almost none existence so now they were just like everyone else.

Except for the fact that they were considered vastly inferior by every other race in the known universe because they needed artificial limbs to do even the simplest of actions.

Mooshy grabbed a salt shaker with his robotic arm while some huge and dumb looking Planet Jacker was making his way towards the counter, the enormous alien looked down at the little weakling and said in a taunting tone "Aww does the wittle guy need his bottle to walk?"

"That makes no sense whatsoever" Spooty said.

"Yeah well… at least I have legs!" Sneered the Planet Jacker before he left.

"Moron"

"Hey guys!"

Well, _almost_ by all races thought they were inferior.

"Hey Dwicky" The alien greeted the former skool counselor.

"So what planet are we going to go next?" The man asked eagerly for a change of scenery.

"Conveyor Belt Planet" Mooshy answered in a monotone voice.

"What are we going to do there?"

"We just got fired remember? Spoopty said crossly "We need to look for jobs; I hear they are looking for security guards or something"

"Why did we get fired anyways?" He asked a bit too chipper for the Plookesians liking.

"Because _someone_ got the addresses wrong and we nearly freed over 20 demented prisoners!"

Dwicky looked a bit embarrassed and said "Sorry, my bad"

"Ugh" the leader of the trio mutters in disgust "Sometimes I don´t even know why I have you around"

Spooty shakes his head and looks out the window "I wish something exiting would happen to us… I mean, we been doing the same crap for years and what do we have to show for it?"

"Aw come on we are seeing space just how many people can do that?"

Spooty looks at him as if he were a moron, "Look around you"

And he did "Oh… right… aliens"

Suddenly a bright light shines through the window behind Dwicky. He leans forward but the beam of light follows him. His eyes open widely and he slowly stands.

"What the hell are you doing guy?" Mooshy asked in annoyance.

Dwicky suddenly springs to life, almost as if he were possessed "Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen!

Everyone in the restaurant stopped what they were doing and looked at the deranged man "Someone get that asshole out of here" a random alien yelled.

"Yeah! We´re eating here!" Some other alien agreed.

Gaz and Zee heard the commotion and came out of the kitchen, The scary woman recognized the Mr Dwicky immediately _"What the hell is he doing here?"_ She thought irritably.

"Horrible fate for us all!" The possessed human continued and they going to happen to you!"

He pointed at The Planet Jacker from earlier.

"To you!"

He pointed at Eric the blob.

"Okay" said the oblivious blob.

"And you!"

He points at Gaz.

All she said was "Fuck off"

"Oh no!" Dwicky falls to the floor and startswrithing. Invader Larb who was eating in a few rows closer to the door looks at the spectacle with mild interest; he calmly starts recording the human with a camera in his PAK.

_"__Before the great conflict the existing order shall fail"_ The former skool guy said as if he were reciting an oath _"The great one shall be put to death, a very sudden and moaning death,"_

"Oh this is neat!" A little kid said as he takes a photo of the event.

_"The universe being in a state of disrepair; most will be forced to run,  
near the way the earth shall be covered with blood."_

"What in the hell is he talking about?" Zee asked "Get that wacko out of here already!"

_Dwicky 'walks' in a circle on the floor, making noises._

"Do you know this guy?" Gasloog asked the Plookesians.

"Nope" they said simultaneously.

"Beware! Beware! Time is short!" He yells at the top of his lungs. "Slorgaks will come! Food will burn! Revenge will **_HURT_**!"

**_"BELT! DEVASTIS! VORT! MEEKROB!"_**

He falls to floor again as he struggles with his last words **_"Believe me! Believe me! Or we wont survive!"_**

Then he convulsed for a few seconds and stopped, he didn´t move for what seemed like forever.

Skikkiks stood up from his seat, slowly made his way towards the body pus his finger on the man´s head "No pulse"

"Here, let me try"

The bug like being looks up at Spooty and sneers "You? What could you do?"

"I happen to know more about human anatomy than you so move so I can help him!"

The green eyed alien stepped away to let the Plookesian work his magic but when he puts his robotic hand on Dwicky´s chest he knew he wasn´t coming back.

"He dead"

No one in the restaurant said a word.

After all, death should be respected no matter what.

"Who wants to poke him?" A little kid asked eagerly.

A few costumers look at the child.

"Get him out here" Tak snarled "Get that corpse out of here!"

The Plookesians grabbed the body of their dead friend and ran out of there.

Since Gasloog was in charge till the frylord returned, he looks at everyone in the resturant and said "Wdll, who wants to watch the end of the universe?"

The aliens cheered.

Gaz raises an eyebrow "End of the universe?"

Zee shrugs "It´s a show the Planet does once a month" She explained "Foodcourtia somehow time travels eons into the future and we just watch the end of all life"

"Sounds boring"

"After the first ten times only"

"Hey you two break´s over!" The manager screamed "Get back to work!"

"I hate that guy"

"Join the club human"

"My name is Gaz!"

"Whatever"

* * *

**_Aww poor Dwicky, heh I actually had two ways of killing the man, this one had a bit more dignity, I actually planned to have Tak kill him with a gun because he was "annoying the costumers" LOL, I know I'm cruel._**

**_Anyways sorry for the delay and the shortness of this chapter I usually do much longer updates but I just felt like posting something, it´s been a while after all._**

**_Also Im aware that Gaz didn´t get electrocuted despite the fact that she constantly tried to hurt Zee, the reason for that is that the belt only wors when either Siz-Lorr or Tak are around, its a cheesy excuse but I just feel like cutting Gaz some slack._**

**_For those who don´t know watching the temporal end of the universe as a show act is reminiscent of Douglas Adams' novel "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe", where the end of the universe is used as a regular show act in said restaurant, the joke here is that the ENTIRE food court planet time travels into the future for no reason other than "it can"._**

**_Anyways Dwicky´s premonition was in fact inspired by a premonition that Nostradamous said, heh fun no?_**

**_So uh watcha thought of this chapter? Was it ok or too sloppy?_**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	13. Many, MANY Blasts From The Past

**_Nothing to say except that its getting harder and harder to find time for this fic but I WILL finish it even if it kills me!_**

**_Which it probably will but I would probably come back from the dead._**

**_What?... It could happen._**

* * *

_Chapter 13_

It had begun to rain. The windshield whippers moved lazily across the glass as Dib and his "teammates" approached their destination. He parked the car, and pulled up his collar as he stepped out.

"So many memories" The former paranormal investigator said longingly.

"You can go down memory lane later you dickhead" Nny sneered "But right now we have work to do and me pissing on you isn't going to help"

Dib quickly snapped his head and noticed that indeed the nightmare creature was pissing on him.

"_**Oh GROSS!"**_ He screamed as he recoiled in disgust "_Why_ in the hell would you do that?"

"I go paid to do so" The monster replied uncaringly as he showed the man a six pack of poop cola.

"Where did you get this?"

"From the only person in this demented little club who can't urinate"

Realizing who Nny was referring to, Dib yelled at the top of his lungs _**"REBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!"**_

Everyone in the car minus Jess was laughing uncontrollably at the large headed man's misfortune.

"Oh his face was priceless!" Reb said between laughs.

Squidman snickered "Oh wish I had a camera"

"Now I see why people loved to pick on him!" Red said between laughs.

Suddenly someone punched him right on the kisser.

"OW!"

"Serves you right!" Jess sneered "You don't get to laugh"

"But they were laughing too!" The former Tallest whined.

"_They _have a good history with Zim... _you _been pissing him off for quite some time and no one pisses off my friends"

And with that she got out of the vehicle, the other two remaining members of the group gave Red the evil eye before they too departed.

The alien looked at the people Zim had gathered and wondered in awe "Just how did he manage to make so many allies?"

* * *

It wasn't raining hard, but it was windy and cold. Dib's legs were going numb.

Squidman, Red and Jess came behind him; Nny continued to drink his soda not really caring what was going to happen next.

"Wait here" he told the group "This place isn't what it once was... I'm not even sure where Zim's base could be"

"Wouldn´t it make good sense if I tagged along then?" Reb questioned "I mean I _**AM**_ made out of Irken technology"

"What are you getting at?" Nny asked "Do you want to find something inside that lab to fuck senseless?"

The disguised robot narrowed her eyes in contempt "Don´t mess with me asshole" She snarled "Nothing is getting between me and my mistress, every second counts and I'm not about to lose any more time by waiting for this guy to find a base that probably is no longer around."

Jess came between the two, putting a distance so that they wouldn't kill each other "I don't really care for your petty arguments but right now we all need to remain _alive _so if you want to fight and possibly kill each other I don't care but right now our only chance of getting into outer space in somewhere beneath us and we all agreed to be a part of this... so until this is all over please hold all your homicidal rage"

"Hey... where's Dib?" Squidman asked noticing that the "army's" second in command was gone.

"Aw son of a bitch!"

* * *

Dib walked down a few houses, and then stopped. He stood on the sidewalk, on the edge of cement framework for a basement in the ground. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and just stared at the ground in-lays.

They had begun to build a new house. He was almost certain that his frenemy's base was deep enough underground that the digging of a new foundation hadn't punctured the outer hull. It was strange, standing there after so many years, at night, in the wind and rain, it felt alien to him somehow. There was no external sign of what lay beneath; no upper chambers, no yard and no gnomes. It was completely transformed from what it once was, and it bothered him a bit

After all part of his childhood was spend here.

A part of his happiness was once here.

But nonetheless, he had to get down there. There was one conceivable way in and it wasn't nice.

Dib knew of Zim's paranoia and he also knew that the Irken once build an emergency secret exit, just in case the humans found out about him and he needed to escape undetected. It went from the lowest chambers of the base, to a sewage runoff pipe some hundred feet down. He would have to go down into the sewer, find the entrance and force his way inside. The door was probably barricaded with debris and who knows what else.

Dib remembered that long ago Skoodge blew up the neighbourhood in an attempt to create a new kind of spaceship using plutonium; needless to say the blast killed a few hundred thousand while the former invader remained unharmed.

It was the first time Skoodge ever felt guilt over killing anyone.

Which is why he moved, he couldn't stand seeing what he had caused, but Dib wasn´t about to let him off the hook, he attempted and succeeded in capturing the former invader, he had him trapped in an abandoned warehouse in downtown.

For countless days he tortured Skoodge, spraying water on him, meat and eve breaking a few of his fingers.

Dib went want with wanting to avenge the deaths of the people Skoodge had murdered.

The alien's pleas went onto deaf ears, eventually Gaz found him beaten up due to the fact that she noticed that he missed skool for several weeks, she didn't trust her brother since she knew that seeing him happy often meant his life was not going horribly so curiosity got the best of her and followed her brother, she saw the sick experiments he was causing.

She was disgusted with him.

If she ever had any respect for her brother it sure as hell went away the moment she saw just how big of a bastard he could be

Ultimately Gaz had no choice but to call the police, even if Dib was her own flesh and blood she wasn't about to let him go free by causing pain to others even an alien who was one of the only people she grew to tolerate.

In truth Skoodge earned Gaz's respect long ago.

She gave the beaten up Irken a disguise before freeing him, once the police arrived they arrested Dib and from there his life went downhill.

From there Skoodge moved and Gaz was left alone yet again.

She hated her brother for that.

In turn Dib disowned Gaz as his sister because in his mind by freeing Skoodge she just didn't betray him.

She betrayed the world.

And to make matters worse his own father turned his back on him as well.

* * *

"_Why son?"_

"_I was protecting the Earth!"_

"_That little foreign kid has been missing for days and you kidnapped him because of your delusional fantasies!" The professor roared "You're lucky that you were trialled as a minor otherwise they would send you to jail for this!"_

"_Oh yeah because the nuthouse is so much better" Dib quipped sarcastically._

"_Obviously you are insane"_

"_**I AM NOT INSANE!"**__ He snapped __**"I WAS SAVING THE WORLD FROM AN ALIEN MENACE YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME DAD!"**_

"_The thing is son... I´m not sure I can believe anything you say anymore"_

"_... What?"_

"_You are my child Dib and no matter how insane you are this or any other thing you do will ever change that... however it is clear to me... to everyone your sister included that you are mentally unstable... you already caused harm to an innocent kid"_

"_**HE KILLED MANY PEOPLE WITH PLUTONIUM!"**_

"_Then explain to me why there wasn´t a trace of radiation in the crime scene?"_

"_What?"_

"_You heard me... not an ounce of radiation was detected, if anything the explosion was caused by several boilers going off at the same time... several people from investigators to clowns have confirmed that"_

"_**THAT-S BULLSHIT!"**_

"_There's no point trying to talk to you about this son"_

_That was the last time Dib ever talked to his father._

* * *

Dib rubbed his eyes, no matter how much he tried to deny it, it still hurt that his own father wouldn't even see the truth.

But right now there was no point in thinking about self-loathing, he had a job to do.

So he walked out into the middle of the cul-de-sac and began the strenuous work of prying off the lid. He used the flashlight Zim had given him as well as a crowbar, and after several minutes of stressful prying he managed to remove the manhole cover.

The stench hit him like a punch in the face. He had to pause and cover his mouth so he wouldn't vomit. Finally, after weaning himself onto the smell, becoming somewhat used to it, he descended into the dark depths of the sewer.

He pulled his shirt collar over his face and shined the light down the gaping maw of the pipe. He could hear the sewage running past him and could see rats skidding across the small walkway. He carefully walked down, hearing sounds from beneath his feet but not looking in fear he might give up and return to the surface.

He continued through the pipe praying the entrance was close.

Dib reached a stairway that went down a few steps, following a waterfall of sewage, and then turned to the left twenty feet up from where the sewage hit bottom. He walked along the edge; one wrong move and he would plummet twenty feet into human waste and rain runoff.

He walked on, and was at the point of turning back when his hand that had been scanning the wall came to an opening. He looked, and sure enough ten feet back was a small vault-like door. He had to crawl on his knees to get to it, and it wasn't pleasant, but he hadn't come all this way not to go a little further. He sucked it up and began to crawl down the small opening.

He finally reached it, and held the flashlight in his teeth as he tried to open the door. At first it wouldn't budge, and a terrible thought came to him: what if the lab's computer had welded this door shut when Skoodge blew up the neighbourhood? It was entirely possible, but he prayed that it wasn't. He almost collapsed in relief when it began to turn.

Stepping into the first entrance chamber, Dib locked the door behind him. The door resembled that of a submarine in that it opened and locked with a wheel you twisted. He headed to the internal opening door and began twisting the wheel.

He heard the lock disengage, and slowly swung it open. He stepped in, stood up, and gazed at what had been.

The lab was completely ruined – like someone had smashed, and then taken a match to everything. Dib was speechless; this place once had the potential to do great things for humanity but now everything could only be used as a paperweight.

"_I gotta go get everyone else"_ He thought.

He didn't notice that a mechanical arm suddenly activated and slowly made his way towards the mute male.

Once Dib realized he needed to go back to the stinky sewer he was harshly grabbed by the neck and thrown into a computer's screen.

He yelped in agonizing pain but before he could get up, the same arm grabbed him by the neck and began to choke him.

"_**You got a lot of nerve to be here human scum!"**_

Dib tried to pry the mechanical hand from his neck without success.

"_**What's the matter?"**_ The voice taunted sadistically _**"Can't breathe?"**_

The man choked a barely understandable "Who are you?"

A chilling laugh was heard "_**You're kidding me right?"**_

"I... I..."

"_**You... You... what?"**_

"I come in Zim's name!"

"_**Oh really?"**_ The voice said in disbelief _**"Prove it"**_

"...How?"

"Look at me" A new voice said.

"Oh goody" The voice sneered "Someone _else_ to kill"

"Let him go computer..." Reb said coming out of the shadows "I doubt you really want to get blood on your circuits"

"I wouldn't mind as long as it is _**his **_blood" The computer growled, not caring the human was turning purple at this point from the lack of air.

"I said to let him _**GO**_!"

"Oh? And why should I?"

"You _want_ a reason?"

"As as matter of fact I do"

"Ok then," The Robot snapped "Do you know of the Invader Protocol number 70251?"

The mechanical arm suddenly and unceremoniously dropped Dib on the floor.

The man started breathing again "AIR! I NEED AIR!"

Reb rolled her eyes_ "whiner"_

"Are you telling me that Irk is in impending doom?"

"I'm pretty certain it is"

"Excuse me" Dib croaked "What are two talking about?"

Reb wordlessly went to the consoles of the beaten up computer and with great care opened the tiny door to that gave access to the circuits, she then gave a shock of electricity to the disembodied A.I.

The computer returned the shock; both of them shared a moment of utter silent respect.

"I'll go and get the rest" The robot muttered.

"The rest?" The Computer asked "Are there more to come?"

"Not my idea" Reb snarled "Zim just took a rash decision"

"Sounds like him"

"I'll be back, just make sure not to kill the human in my absence"

"Can't make any promises"

If Reb had a mouth she would have smirked "I miss your grim sense of humour"

"I'm unforgettable" The Computer replied with a voice full of arrogance.

Clearly it had picked up some of his master's less than favourable characteristics.

* * *

Red was silently watching these creatures like a scientist would watch some amoebas under a microscope.

Despite humans not being technologically advanced they did have something that Irkens did not and it was unnerving for the former Tallest.

"_Trust for one another"_

On Irk such a thing was seen as a weakness among soldiers since you could never rely on anyone but yourself to do a task but here on Earth this was seen as strength.

"These_ things_ are beyond my comprehension" Red mussed "This Jess creature clearly has a history with Zim and so does this Dib guy, how can such a failure of an Irken bring so many people with different ways of life of different worlds work under him when he couldn't do that on Irk?"

Clearly he had underestimated the defective and that was a mistake Red was not proud of.

He remembered when he and his co-ruler had planned to destroy Zim's ego once and for all.

* * *

_**Several Years Ago:**_

Zim's frozen dumfounded face was at the Tallest's big screen on the Massive's bridge, all the Empire's horrible accidents were because of **HIM,** both Red and Purple were hatefully glaring at the picture of the most destructive Irken in the history of not just Irk but universe.

It was unbelievable, they banish him for all eternity only for him to return like nothing had happened, then they try to get rid of him and against all odds he discovers a puny planet no one even heard of, then they try to kill him time and time again only to give them more grief, they even put him through a fucking existence evaluation and even _**THAT**_ had horrible results, they eventually came to the conclusion that either Zim was just too damn lucky or too damn stupid to die.

"A _**Defective**_"

"A _**Failure**_"

"A _**waste of flesh**_"

They both continued to think of words that could described their current object of disgust, by now both leaders of the Irken Empire began to get frustrated, it has been years and Zim STILL hasn't destroyed the inhabitants of the little blue planet known as Earth.

Even though that planet wasn't officially marked for universal conquest they still thought that having more slaves or turning another ordinary planet into part of their property wasn't such a bad idea, the problem was that knowing Zim neither of those things seemed likely to happen.

Red was eating the frosting off the head of some weird looking alien animal while Purple was fidgeting with a squishy ball, as soon as Red finished the frosting he just looked at the unusually cute animal that served as his snack then ate his head, the poor thing yelped in pain.

"_Aww that was so sad now wasn't it?" _He mocked cruelly.

"You do know that you're only supposed to eat the frosting and keep the animal ALIVE… _**right?**_ Purple commented not really caring "We are _**TRYING**_ to keep that thing from becoming extinct after all"

_Crunch, crunch, crunch… _

_Crunch, smack, crunch…_

Red ignored his co-ruler and just keep chewing the head of the now dead creature, once again his own little world thinking, thinking and thinking some more while his left eye twitched, staring at Zim's picture on the screen, after who knows how long he screamed despairingly before falling out of his throne and onto his knees.

Purple and a few of the communicator officers just stared at Red as if he lost his mind but nobody dared to go and ask him what was wrong because they all knew what was bothering him.

"Zim" Said Red.

"Why" He got up.

"Won't" he hovered over to the screen.

"You" he stopped.

"**DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**" he got his spider legs out of his PAK and shot a few lasers directly at the screen in hopes to diminishing some of his anger but my dear readers we all know that his anger wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

After Red finished with his attacks of blind rage the smoke disappeared revealing that all that was left of the huge screen/communicator thing was just the inside of it, loose cables, broken chips, etc,

"I can't take it anymore!" Red bellowed to his co-ruler, making the purple-eyed Irken jump. "It's been…what? A year? Two? And he's _still_ alive?"

A few of the communicator officers thought it would be wise to leave but then again leaving their post could get their Tallest angrier that he was now and they all knew that an angry Tallest was wayyyyyyy scarier than a slaughtering rat person.

Purple threw his ball thing at Red's face and got some doughnuts from a hole that appeared in the table between his and Red's thrones but before he got the chance to eat one doughnut Red grabbed the bag and threw it across the large room, a few Irkens then started to fight for the bag that contained the snacks.

"MY DOUGHNUTS!" Screamed Purple "Why did you do that!"

Red's left eye kept twitching as he stared angrily at his co-ruler "In case you haven't noticed" he said coldly "_I_ been trying to think of a way for Zim to leave us alone and all you have been doing is continuing to ignore the problem hoping it would go away when you know very well that it _**won't**_".

"It's not _my_ fault he thinks he's a real Invader" Purple retorted "And let's not forget it was_ your_ 'brilliant' idea to send him on that 'secret mission' in hopes that he would end up dead".

"Well how in the blue **fuck** was I suppose to know that there was a planet in that direction?" snarled Red.

Th crimson eyed Irken hovered back to sit on his throne and just to make things worse guess who decided to call them at that precise moment?... in another screen of course.

"Incoming transmission from Earth" Said a cowardly communicator Officer, all the Irkens including Purple stared at the red eyed Tallest.

"Take care of this one" Said Red calmly to his co-ruler surprising him and everyone else in the control deck, he hovered over the door leaving Purple alone to talk to the annoyance just as the sentence fully entered his mind.

"Aww hell no!" snarled Purple.

Gir's happy face appeared on the screen (another unbroken screen) and looked at Purple "TACOS! I love you taco fairy!"

MiniMoose was behind him doing a barrel roll as he gave a delighted squeak.

The purple eyed Irken looked irritated "I AM NOT A FAIRY!" he didn't know what a fairy was and he didn't wanna find out.

"GIR!" Came Zim's angry voice, he grabbed Gir by his antenna and hurled him away from the screen he screamed happily as he collided with MiniMoose.

"YAY! That hurt!"

MiniMoose squeaked in pain.

"GREETINGS MY TALLEST!" Said Zim obviously embarrassed by his S.I.R Unit's insane behaviour.

GIR pops his head up at the bottom of the view screen

"Can I get a Poop cola with the tacos?" asked Gir still oblivious to the fact that the DIDN'T called the Krazy Taco Palace.

After Purple sat through Zim's horrible update of his recent failure to take over our blue planet he cached up with Red and they were both currently in one of their many snack bars they had on the Massive.

"Maybe it's just us, we aren't being evil enough." Purple suggested with his mouth full of food, Red just shook his head disapprovingly

"First of all close your mouth when you eat, that's disgusting! And second of all you have _**GOT**_ to be joking; we are the most evil out of all these half wit aliens."

Red was now hovering back and forth thinking of what to do.

"Well what now?" asked Purple "Earth has proven to be just as stupid as Zim and his Gir robot hasn't driven him insane" Red stopped and stared at his co-ruler as if he were a moron "Ok fine he _**IS**_ insane".

Red continued to think as Purple talked.

"Hobo 13 proved to be no match and he even got out of the spacecraft that was meant to hit the sun. The malfunctioning Sirs never made it to him, that Tak girl and that Sizz-Lorr guy got defeated by him, even our attempt to erase his PAK failed"

"**ALL RIGHT!**" Red exploded "I know all about those miserable horrible screw ups, but there _HAS_ to be a way to rid ourselves of him once and for all".

"And what do you propose we do about Zim?" Purple sneered. "Tell him the truth? That his secret mission is a fake? That he's not a real Invader?"

This made both tallest pause. As Purple thought over what he'd just said, a slow creepy smile crept over Red's face.

"You're not thinking about really doing it…are you?" the purple-eyed leader asked.

Red put a hand on his face and began to scratch his chin as a sign that he was thinking or at least pretending.

"No" he finally said.

"Really?" Asked purple quite surprise at the answer.

"**Of course I am!"** Red happily said "This is the best idea you ever had since… EVER! And YOU are asking me if I'm sure I wanna go through with it?" he paused "Are you sure you're Purple?

Purple groans in annoyance "Red look I hate him just as much as you do but have you thought what this would mean?"

"_**YES! **_it means that Zim will finally leave us alone!"

"NO… well yes, but my point is that once he knows that his mission was nothing more than a fluke he could go insane… again and most likely try to kill _**US**_, lets not forget that happened to both Miyuki and Spork.

Red gave a defeated groan obviously he hadn't thought about that little detail, then another thought entered his mind.

"Hmmm…"

He was thinking once again, a smirk that you could only see on psychotic people was now appearing on the red eyed Irken's face.

"We could tell him the truth right now if we just called him" said Red "But that wouldn't be any fun" he muttered sinisterly.

"Red?"

Just as he heard his name another idea popped to mind "Say, Purple what's the name of the latest planet on the list for Universal Conquest?

"Boodie Nen, why?"

"Oh no reason, no reason at all". Red answered coyly the smile still on his green face; he hovered over to the door so he could prepare his plan.

"_Oh boy I know I'm gonna live to regret this"_ thought Purple.

"Let's call Invader Slacks" Red said evilly "I think he just earned a promotion"

"I know I'm going to regret asking this but exactly what is he getting promoted to?"

"Two words" Red commented airily _"Gez tyklox"_

"Are you joking? "Purple gasped "No one has had that job in millennia, its suicide!"

"Exactly" His brother responded cruelly "getting Slacks maimed it's a small price to pay to get Zim out of our antennae forever"

"But how can you get Slacks to take the job?" Purple asked exasperatedly "He's sure to decline!"

"He won't"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I'll _**order**_ him to take it... no one would dare to disobey a tallest order"

"_Slacks is screwed"_ Purple thought _"Meh... who cares?"_

* * *

If someone had told him the next day that a few years from that moment he would regret his rash decision Red would have executed the messenger.

He couldn't believe it his own hatred for Zim had caused a few disasters mostly by the control brains themselves.

Invader Slacks was sent to the very core of Boodie Nen to do his new job and died the very same day but not before getting what the Tallest wanted.

"_Gez tyklox" _was pretty much the Irken equivalent of a miner, the metal that the PAKS are made of is extremely rare and valuable but it's no longer found on Irk since it was mined out long ago and no one did that job anymore, fortunately for the Empire other planets under Irken control such as Vort and Boodie Nen had equivalents that could be use for further PAK productions.

In a way Red was looking for new ways for his race to survive, times were changing and PAK couldn't last forever so he had to make sure newer version were made otherwise it would be the end of his people.

And he wasn't going to let that happen, Irk and its inhabitants would be eternal.

But first he needed to get rid of all threats and Zim was one of them.

Eventually he was beaten up and sent to planet Punizione so everyone could mock him for the failure that he was, he was shackled and his uniform covered in blood, _his_ blood.

Red had to give Zim credit for something, during his humiliation, not oce did he reounce loyalty to the Empire, the Tallest at the time thought they hadn't broken him.

So they had to fix that.

Ultimately, they decided to test the new experimental PAK on him... several PAKS to be exact, Zim became a lab rat, for many months he was in a cell suffering, his body and brain in contant pain, several time he was near death.

The Tallest were hoping to hear him beg for death.

But he never did.

Ultimately they did succeed in creating a new more technological PAK, and they _still_ tortured Zim, it was cruelty on a new level.

The defective went temporarely blind, lost the ability to _walk_, he had to crawl to be able to move, they deprived him of food for several weeks and he still wouldn't crack.

Zim was too loyal.

Red was getting deperate, so he finaly told him in front of the entire Empire the truth about his mission.

Zim just laugh it off.

"_Good one my Tallest!"_

Red grimaced at such stupidity.

And he finally lost it.

_"We would __**never**__ have sent you off on __any__ mission unless we thought it would get rid of you! You're the most destructive force that Irk's ever known! We sent you off on that 'secret mission' because we thought there was nothing __there!__ But, __no!__ By the First Tallest, you __found__ a fucking planet! Then you started your pathetic attempts to conquer Earth and continually report in your insane ideas and failures!"_

_With each stinging word, the tiny Irken flinched. "But…you assigned me…gave me an advanced SIR unit…"_

_**"GIR is a piece of **__**shit!"**__Red roared in anger. "Purple put it together from bits he found in a trash can!" And to prove his point the red-eyed ruler snatched Gir as he was innocently eating a bad of snacks._

_Using his claw-like fingers, tore open his back. __**"See?"**_

_GIR screamed in agony as the infuriated Tallest ripped him apart. "Master! Help!"_

_Purple gaped as Zim rushed forward, crimson eyes wide with horror and shouting, __**"GIR!"**_

_A pair of guards rushed in and grabbed the invader who was forced to watch as his loyal minion was torn to pieces. He cussed and twisted in the guards' grip, but couldn't break free._

_Within moments, GIR's head was ripped free from its body. Bright blue eyes faded out, empty and lifeless._

_The tiny Irken's fight left him. He stared in shock as the last piece of his loyal companion ceased to function._

_Red gazed at the demented defective "Get out... get out and don't come back, you aren't welcome here..."_

_Finally it was over, Zim took what remained of Gir and left, the Tallest sneering at his departure._

Someone knocked three times and Red looked who was trying to get his attention.

"Get out" Nny scowled "We have work to do and you aren't getting out of it"

Red did as he was told and slowly opened the door, he wasn't about to admit it but the creature before him kind of intimidate him.

"Walk" the monster snarled.

"Where?"

"Follow the robot shit-head" The monster sneered but not before getting his knife out threateningly and got it near Red's face "Let's get this straight asshole I don't like you and neither does everyone else involved in this shit fest _but _I can't kill you cause apparently we need you"

Nny couldn't keep the disgust out of his invisible mouth. "So I'll let you know now, if you betray us... I will kill you... if you step out of line I will kill you and put your severed head up your ass... if you do ANYTHING that annoys me I will drill your head with holes and then I will kill you while I make sandwiches"

Red was horrified at this; the fact that such threats were directed at him was new and scary on so many levels.

"So... listen well because I'm only going to say this once... as long as you are of use to us then your head will remain where it is" Nny said wickedly "But the moment you outlive your usefulness then you can bet something unpleasant will happen... got it?"

The disguised alien managed to give a weak nod.

With a look of utter disdain the monster pointed the knife to the direction they had to go and ordered "Walk and don't stop"

* * *

Soon enough the group was searching the lab for anything that could be of use for them.

Reb yanked some wires from a destroyed screen, Jess carefully inspected the technology alongside Dib, the woman was no doubt amazed at what she had right in front of her while Dib simply eyes it with contempt, clearly it brought him some very unpleasant memories.

Nny was playing cards with the computer.

"So... got anything to kill people inside of you?" He asked.

"No... not really" The computer replied.

"Ok... I did my search... got any threes?"

Squdman was dancing around the lab since it was here that he was technically born and felt like celebrating and spit ink at the floor.

Red was the only one who did not had an assigned job since no one trusted him to get near anything that could possibly be of use to only him so he was being watched by MiniMoose.

Who was pointing a bunch of deathly weapons at his direction.

"Has anyone thought of looking for the teleporters?" He finally asked.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and eyes the ex-tallest with many emotions, curiosity, distrust and maybe even wonder.

"Teleporters?" Jess parroted "How do you know there are some here?"

"Standard Invader protocol" He answered airily "Since Zim thought he was a real invader on assignment then it would make good sense for him to have teleporters to his space station"

Dib's eyes widened at this "Of course... I can't believe I forgot about that!" The man gave the extraterrestrial such a penetrating glare that it would have made Gaz proud "By any chance do you know what sort of equipment one of your rat bastards of soldiers would have in those stations?"

Red raised an invisible eyebrow "I was in the military I pretty much know what one needs for a mission of conquest but I can't say the same for Zim"

Jess shot him a deathly glare and growled "Watch it".

Reb rubbed her chin "So is it possible for the station to have spare vessel"

Red nodded "There's a bunch of escape pots but the station itself can be transform into a ship"

"It can?" The computer asked "I didn't know that"

"I think this is what Zim wanted us to find" Dib mussed.

"So where do we find these things?" Nny asked.

"Its way, way wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy in the lowest levels of the base" The computer told them "After the last time the Dib human was here, Zim had to move several things in the lab to confuse him"

The former paranormal investigator nodded "In a weird way it makes sense"

Jess looked up at the mechanical arm and asked "Can you take us there?"

"I would but several of my functions arent working due to the lack of power so you'll have to take the stairs.

Nny snorted "Big help you are"

**_"MORE THAN YOU!"_**

"Bite me"

"OKKK!" Reb interjected before things got out of hand "Before we go any lower in to this place I gotta know something"

"And that would be?"

"Would you happen to know the talle of the three tallest?"

The computer and Red gasped.

"I take that as a yes then"

"I thought you had forgotten about that" Red said "And I hardly think it's the time for trivialities"

"It's not trivial you said so yourself that Kijani wants something that belonged to these three_ idiots_!" Reb bellowed in exasperation.

"The Three Tallest?" Nny interrumpted "Who come up with these retarded names?"

**_"SHUT UP!"_** Red snarled "Do not disrespect my race!"

Dib gave Nny a warning gaze that said_ "Don't kill him yet"_

"Who were the three guys?" Squdman questioned stupidly.

"I doubt its any of your concern" Red sneered.

MiniMoose got a gun to his head.

_"Squeak"_

"But I'll tell you anyways" He stuttered.

_"Pathetic"_ Jess thought in disdain.

_"You see long ago there were three Irkens... this was at a time when my species could reproduce sexually like most of the other races in the universe so the three tallest were what you would call brothers"_

"Wow... this is interesting" Nny said sarcastically.

"Shh story time!" Sqidman muttered and sat neat the Ex-tallest like an exited little kid.

The rest just ignored the awkwardness of the situation and continued hearing the alien's story.

"_**Anyways**... there were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at night on a planet that was recently discovered at the time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the arts of medieval military training and so they simply used their intelligence and their own hands to cut a tree that was nearby so it could be used as a bridge to cross the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure... It was Śmierć._

_"__Śmierć?" _Jess parroted.

"In your language it would translate into the grim reaper" The computer said.

"Oh"

_"And Śmierć spoke to them."_

"I'm sure he did... does anyone think this is a shitty story?"

_"It's not a story its a legend and shut up your ruining the ambiance!" Red snarled yet again at the monster who has hell bent on causing him grief._

"Oh I'm sorry" Nny said sarcatically "You want me to kiss your wounded ego to make it feel better?"

_"As I was **saying** Śmierć was pissed that he had been cheated out of the three new victims, for travelers usually drowned in the river. But Śmierć was cunning. He pretended to congratulate the three brothers upon their cleverness, and said that each had earned a prize for having been smart enough to evade him."_

"Oh what a clever bastard" The computer quipped.

_"So the oldest brother, who was a combative man, asked for a brain so big that it would make people bow down to him in awe and respect and Śmierć touched the eldest of the three's skull and seconds later his head became huge... kinda like the Dib's human's head only not so grotesque._

_**"HEY!"**_

_"The second brother, who was an arrogant man, decided that he wanted to humiliate Śmierć even further, and asked for the power to recall others from Death. So Śmierć cut of his own hand and gave it to the second tallest and told him that each finger would bring one person from the grave"._

Unkowingly to the group as Red told the story a new person had joined them and he too was interested in what he was hearing.

_"And then Śmierć asked the youngest brother what he would like. The youngest tallest was the humblest and also the wisest of the three, and he did not trust Śmierć. So he asked for something that would enable him to go forth from that place without being followed by him."_

_"And Śmierć, most unwillingly, handed over his own eyes."_

"Awesome!" Squidman yelled... eyes are the best part they are tasty!"

"You make me sick" Nny snarled.

"Shut up I wanna hear the rest!" Dib whined.

_"Śmierć stood aside and allowed the three tallest to continue on their way, and they did so talking with wonder of the adventure they had had and admiring Śmierć's gifts. In due course the brothers separated, each for his own destination."_

_The first brother traveled on for a week more, and reaching a distant primitive city and sought out a fellow Irken with whom he had a quarrel. Naturally, with his humongous brain he was able to best him by creating weapons and killing his adversaries without regret._

_the oldest brother proceeded to an inn, where he boasted loudly of the amazing brain he had received from Śmierć himself, and of how it made him invincible._

_That very night, another soldier crept upon the oldest brother as he lay, wine-sodden upon his bed. The thief took a knife and cut of the eldest tallest heads off and took his brain from the skull believing it would bring him good luck and so Śmierć took the first Tallest._

"That's sick!" Nny bellowed ironically.

_Meanwhile, the second brother journeyed to his own home, where he lived alone. Here he took out the hand that had the power to recall the dead, and turned it thrice in his hand. To his amazement and his delight, the figure of the woman he had once hoped to mate with, before her untimely death, appeared at once before him._

_Yet she was sad and cold, separated from him as by a veil. Though she had returned to the mortal world, she did not truly belong there and suffered. Finally the second brother, driven mad with hopeless longing, killed himself so as to truly join her._

_And so Śmierć took the second tallest from his own._

"What a fruit" Reb muttered.

_"But though Śmierć searched for the third tallest for many years, he was never able to find him for you see the youngest of the three brothers could use Śmierć's eyes to see from his perspective and so he was always a step ahead."_

_It was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest tallest finally decided that his time had come and gave the eyes to his offspring and the he greeted Śmierć as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and as equals, they departed this life._

"Cooooooooooooooooooooooool" Squidman sais exitedly "I wanna meet death!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jess asked in disgust.

"Even though that was an interesting story I higly doubt you can do stuff like bring people back from the dead" Reb quipped.

"Have you seen my son?" A raspy voice asked wearily.

Everyone froze as they saw a zombie coming out of the shadows.

"I retract what I just said"

"I'm looking for my son" The zombie said yet again "And I know you know him... Jess".

The blond woman froze.

_"God almigthy."_

* * *

**_And so we learn a bit about Ir's past, even thought I totally rip it off from one of the Harry Potter movies, what can I said I liked that wizrd story and decided to make a parody of it._**

**_Now just to let you all know "Śmierć." is the Polish word for death... originally I was going to call the Irken Grim Reaper Nick on acount of the show's cancellation but I decided to be a bit more creative than that and while am at it , I'll also tell you all that the word "Punizione" its Italian for punishment, I dunno about you but I think it pisses Jhonen off a lot when fans try to make their own version of the Irken language so instead I use words that actually exist in other languages due to pure laziness on my part._**

**_Now for those who wanted a bit of a crossover with "The Grim Adventures Of Billy And Mandy" in my fic I'll tell you that in a weird way I kept my promise since the idea for an Irken Grim Reaper was inspired by the episode of "Billy and Mandy VS The Martians" when we find out that apparently all planets in the solar system (and the universe) have their own version of Death._**

**_That also should be a clue as to what is to come in the next chapter, LOL._**

**_And for those who dont remember the three tallest were first mentioned on chapter five._**

**_Well hope you liked this so please read and review._**

**_Fun fact... I was watching the episode "Game Slave 2" when I was re-cheking this chapter for errors and stuff._**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	14. A Newscast Of Spooky Doom

_**A short Chapter of spooky doom**_

_**Yes this is not my thing to write something extremely short but right now I'm not exactly high on ideas, I been out of the loop writting for FFN for quite some time now and I'm not exactly happy about that, so hopefully writting a little humor will get me actually writting again.**_

_**Anyways, I just thought of posting athis twisted and possibly retarded idea until my sleep deprived brain decided to give me something GOOD to write for this fic that I been neglecting for a while now.**_

* * *

"Hello world" Said a quite pissed off female reporter "This is Danielle Koenig, here to tell you all of the updates of the recent kidnapping of Earth's beloved President Skoodge"

Behind her were some sad and angry fans of the Irken in disguise yelling things like _**"KILL THE ASSHOLE WHO KIDNAPPED HIM"**_ or _**"WHY OH WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?!"**_

"I been granted permission to talk to the First Lady herself" Danielle told the viewers "She said she had something important to say to the nation"

The reporter entered the white house and after several interruptions from the crowd behind her, Danielle was face to face with the alien's wife.

Which unknown to the human race, it so happened to be a robot... a _malfunctioning _robot to be more precise.

"Skoodge's wife" Danielle began "Can you tell us what you are feeling at this precise moment? Does the kidnapping of your husband affect you in any way?"

The robot simply stared stupidly at the woman, closed and opened its mouth several times until an eye popped out, then it's head blew out of its body and went into the arms of an unsuspecting child.

Needless to say that the kid screamed in so many levels of fear and probably got scarred for life.

The rest of the robot's body collapsed within seconds.

Amazingly instead of pointing out that the first lady was made of metal, everyone around started to cry.

Danielle gasped in shock and turned to the cameras in anger "You see what you done you nasty evil kidnappers!" She roared "The first lady has fallen apart! This madness must stop so please send us back our leader wherever he is!"

* * *

**_You can use your imagination and guess who of the main cast is watching the so called newscast_**

_**And like I already said, this was fucking short but is been a while since I posted ANYTHING for this fic and well a bit of humor is better than nothing at all, right?**_

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


End file.
